Thursday, May 11, 2017

Depressed again

Aaaand, there's the depression.  Oh, I hate it. 

Years ago, I told my aunt I had fallen into a deep depression after a visit to my sister (the hoarder).  My aunt tried to tell me that it was normal to "get a little sad" after a visit with family, not to worry, I'd get over it.  I knew it was worse than that. 

My depressions, as a rule, are not dependent on current events.  My mugging and some of Ron's blackouts nonwithstanding.  Those have triggered depressions.  I had such a nice mania going, too, when I got mugged, but I remind myself I did beat him up and he didn't get anything of value either. 

So, depressed.  I've been having post-traumatic nightmares, too.  Issues, issues, issues. 

I am probably in need of good therapy (I hear you laughing, over there), but doubt I could find a quality therapist, who's a believer, who is accessible to me getting there by myself. 

So, yesterday was pretty quiet.  I slept in until 8, got up, did my shower and God Time (I am running behind, today), watched a little TV, and took a nap.  I got up and went to Walmart with Chuck.  Ron didn't want to go and it was "supposed" to rain today, which of course it never did. 

We are headed for a drought if we don't get some rain, soon, though. 

I got what I needed at Walmart (no cookies, though, I need to get back on a better eating plan) and came home.  I put everything away and went to bed pretty early. 

I got up at 8 am today (common theme, here, 8 AM is my magical sleep late time), and fed the cats, watched a little TV, and ate my protein bar for breakfast.  I took my pills, drank my Diet Mountain Dew, all my usual stuff.  I will have to wrap it up pretty soon, though, and get my shower.  Then my God Time. 

After that, hopefully a short nap and then we are going somewhere? I think Sam's Club, to get some waters for work.  I'll see when Ron gets up. 

I just feel so oppressed, stuck in the past, brooding on things that happened decades ago.  It doesn't do any good, and I'll "get over" it eventually. 

I just don't see how anyone with this illness would choose to manage it without medication. 

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