I only have so much money to spend

I slept OK last night, just not long enough.  The mania is either long gone or running a small background script. 

I got up, took my shower, and got dressed.  It's been pretty warm lately, we had a high of 87 the other day, which broke a record.  I wore capris and a t-shirt. 

We went to Walmart.  Ron complained bitterly about "having" to go, me "forcing" him, he could have been sleeping, etc.  But I had to go, for one, I was nearly out of toilet paper. 

Ron wanted me to leave him up front, and I did that.  I got my cart and began shopping.  I am pretty sure I will join that gym and I wanted a gym bag and accoutrements.  I bought some small containers for shampoo and soap, a small duffel bag, etc.  I also got the usual stuff, Diet Mountain Dew, drink mix for me, snack mix for Ron. 

I called him at one point and asked if he would like to try the Asian snack mix.  It looked like something he would enjoy.  He was on the other line so I went to voicemail.  He called me back and told me to get it. 

I did.  He also wanted some small apple juice bottles.  I bought those, too. 

Toilet paper.  I couldn't find my brand.  Well, I found it, but it had a large image of a baby on it.  I didn't like it.  The mother was caressing the baby's cheek. 

Remember I had a shitty childhood, full of neglect, starvation, drama, and hours on end in filthy diapers.  "Mom and baby" is not a good image for me. 

Now, if the toilet paper had an image of a small kitten getting out of a litter box, as an older one looks on approvingly, I'd buy it if it was made out of sandpaper.  That's just how I'm wired. 

I looked around.  It was the closest toilet paper I could find to my old brand.  I went ahead and bought it.  When I got home, I turned it around so I can only see the back. 

I bought small (6 inch diameter) foam plates for the cat food.  I put the wet food on the plate.  When the cats are done with it, I throw the whole thing away. 

God's giving us a New Earth, it says so in Revelation, so I'm not so worried about saving the planet. 

Now, cat food.  I had been thinking (and this may have been the manic script running in my brain) to try another flavor of cat food.  They all seem to enjoy salmon.  I have been feeding something that is bits of meat in gravy.  What about a solid cake of meat?  If you know cat food, you understand what I'm saying.  A pate, instead of bits of meat in gravy.  I bought 2 cans of "Savory Salmon" pate style in addition to case of the stuff in gravy. 

I found a cute 20-inch duffel bag, black with hot pink accents.  That will work.  It looks big enough to hold a change of clothes, a towel, and some toiletries.  It cost about $12. 

Torbie is very hard on luggage.  She likes to sharpen her claws on the "canvas" of a backpack, roll-on, or duffel bag.  I actually left a "trashed" rolling backpack out for her because she is so accustomed to sharpening her claws on it.  She leaves Ron's hospital bag alone if I do that for her.  I suppose I will just put the loaded gym bag on top of the hospital bag, if I join the gym. 

Ron asked me why I don't work out at home.  1.  I need to get out of the house 2.  I need to make some friends.  3.  I really like using gym equipment.  All we have at home, for cardio, are a plastic fitness step and a recumbent bike. 

Don't get me wrong, that's a lot more than many have, but that's what Ron wanted, not what I wanted.  And I have to go back to saying I need to get out of the house more, especially when I am depressed. 

The area is a little grim, but should be OK during the day.  I don't see a problem with transportation, the bus is a 1/2 mile away and it will be a good little warmup to get to the gym.  I can walk in the door and immediately go to my workout. 

I personally love stairclimbers.  I think that would be better to start.  Then, as I get thinner and healthier, I can go to running on the treadmill.  I wouldn't want to do that to my knees right now. 

The gym is $10 a month, too.  I can certainly do that. 

Then I got some pens.  I always need more pens.  Walmart didn't have a lot of stuff on my list today, like Vitamin A, the pens I wanted, and the toilet paper, but they had enough. 

I guess the "first of the month" crowd wiped them out and they have yet to restock. 

I paid, explaining that I had 24 cans of one flavor and 2 cans of another.  I know it is really important to have an accurate computer inventory, and happily the Mountain Dew is still on sale. 

I paid for everything and found Ron.

He gave me the bad news.  Lou the cab driver couldn't pick us up, and Ron had already cancelled the paratransit pickup.  He thinks we get a "better" trip if he takes paratransit "to" and a cab home. 

It seems to take the same amount of time and trouble either way, to me, but I don't fight him on it.  I would rather "make" him behave on paratransit, or at work, than "make" him take paratransit home.  I only have so much "money" to spend, so to speak.  I can get one or the other, but not both. 

I try to pick my battles. 

Ron called the cab company and gave them the trip.  He offered a $10 tip to whoever took the trip.  I thought that was excessive, but, like I said, I pick my battles. 

Instead, a cab arrived at the door, dropping off a little old lady with a folding metal cart and a support cane.  He asked if we wanted a ride. 

Ron cancelled our pickup and rode with this guy, instead.  He was very nice and helpful.  He didn't know about the tip until he got it (and, in my opinion, he deserved it because he carried all my bags into the garage).  He was very happy to see it, and we got his number, even better. 

I put all my crap away, ate, and took my pills.  Ron got upset, he wanted me to watch a movie about Jackie Robinson.  I told him I was very tired and I would watch it later.  Ron said it wasn't on later, and had a tantrum. 

I went to bed and had a pretty good nap.  Odds are I will not get a good nap for days to come, so I wanted to "milk" it while I could. 

I got up and did my God Time, then watched some TV (note the sequence).  I turned on the computer.  About that time Ron woke up and apologized for his tantrum.  I forgave him. 

I had a snack and did up my pills for the next week (minus the Vitamin A).  At least I have all my prescriptions done up, at least. 

Today, in the travel section, I got some small round jars.  They are about 1.5 inches all around, and round.  They have a screw on lid.  They are great for storing my medication, and only a dollar for two.  I got a total of 2 sets. 

That will be great when I am eating dinner away from home and need to bring my medication.  They have little ziplock type bags, but I had one come open on me.  I lost all my medication into my pocket, and I had to pick my Haldol out of a wad of pocket lint.  I wasn't too happy. 

I need to make a vitamin order, next, and then I'm going to bed. 

Shopping is always pretty funny when I am depressed vs when I am manic. When I'm manic, it's "Buy all the things!" and when I'm depressed, I question my need for everything.