Thursday, February 23, 2017

Horrible movies that make me cry

Yesterday was pretty uneventful, a day off.  We went to Carl's Junior and had breakfast, came home, took a nap. 

Later on, Ron told me "I don't remember how many shots I've had, but I'm going to have another.  I might have a blackout."  He did. 

When he woke up this morning, his hands were covered in blood.  I don't know what happened.  I don't see any apparent injury on him, except maybe he bit his lip.  He was filthy and there was blood on my kitchen floor.  I think it is sad that I know what "blood on my kitchen floor" looks like as opposed to juice, BBQ sauce, etc. 

Just SAD. 

God help me if he ever dies at home, the crime scene people are going to have a field day. 

We went to work today.  One of my customers yelled as us and said "He'd been looking for us" in an ominous tone.  Another woman confronted me about "my" vending machine ripping her off for $3.  It belonged to the other vendor.  I explained.  She was still pissed when she left, but at least not at me anymore. 

I did snacks, I had enough inventory to do so, and helped Ron with sodas.  He got hung up doing canned sodas so I stocked most of the bottled vendor.  He decided to "improve" on my stocking, which meant I had to go fetch him another case of water, 25 minutes before our pickup. 

I really hate it when he saves "Important" things for last, then runs around with the pickup deadline approaching, and causes chaos.  It is a lot easier just to DO all that crap to start, then do the less important stuff (say, stocking the root beer), last.  I also helped him do his inventory.  We have 3 cases of Sprite, we don't need any more. 

We left and came home. 

I took a nap.  I didn't sleep well last night with Ron making noise, eating, probably falling, etc. 

It took me a little while to fall asleep but I did.  I slept pretty well for a couple of hours, and woke up with Torbie in the bed. 

Biscuit slept with me last night, but hogged the center of the bed.  At one point I had to physically move him so I could roll over.  Biscuit gets away with a lot I would never tolerate from Ron. 

After I woke up, I finished the laundry (I had started it yesterday).  I hung it all up. 

Ron got his booze delivery from Chuck, a whole case of vodka.  Chuck mentioned Ron looked pretty rough "With those black eyes that mean you haven't been sleeping".  Ron blew it off. 

I wish he could have seen my kitchen floor, and Ron's bloody hands this morning.  He really looked like he just murdered someone. 

Ron started drinking, then began bugging me to watch a movie with him.  It was a short film, 20 minutes long. 

I said I would watch it, if he stopped drinking.  I didn't want to watch it with him drunk. 

He said OK and set it up.  At some point he turned on a Spanish-language channel by accident and I had to deal with all the jabbering and talking bananas, etc.  I changed it. 

He got the film loaded.  It's called "Naked".  At the start of the film, the woman asks her husband what he would do on the last day of his life.  He tells her. 

During the course of the film it is revealed he is having an affair.  I wasn't happy about that.  I have repeatedly told Ron I don't want to watch movies about cheating, as it brings up bad memories. 

But he won't listen.  He tells me to "get over it".  I actually told him he wouldn't understand what a kind of blow it is to be cheated on, without me cheating on him.  Not that I plan to.  I plan to keep the high ground, thank you very much.   I didn't say that. 

Now he's telling me he wants me to "Hook him up with Mary" one of the women he cheated on me with, who friended me on Facebook.  He wanted me to teach her how to run the vending business.  I ended up blocking her due to her extreme personal dramas and devout adherence to liberal doctrine.  She also has, like, six kids.  Plus fosters and daycare kids.  Her boyfriend is on dialysis. 

I admit, I bit the hook.  I told him that was ridiculous.  I forgot to mention Mary has a health condition that prohibits a lot of walking or standing, so she couldn't help with the vending business even assuming she packed up the whole clan and moved to Houston.  Loading a truck?  Laughable.  Ron's not going to allow 6 kids, plus all her pets, into his space.  I told him this.  Where would they all fit in a 2 bedroom home? 

He said, if I hated him so much, I could just leave.  I told him I didn't hate him, I was just asking not to watch movies about cheating.  I didn't get a chance to tell him I was hurt, not angry, by the movie.  I certainly didn't mention the suicide theme at the end was very triggering for someone in "chronic pain" and battling suicide on a regular basis. 

I certainly wouldn't give him that weapon, because he would have told me to "go ahead and do it, and do the world a favor" or something like that. 

I just told him, again, I was asking politely not to be forced to watch movies about cheating.  I told him it was reasonable and he could certainly ensure that.  If not in the movie description, he would glean it from "watching" the movie. 

I didn't get a chance to tell him I'm not really into movies with gratuitous sexual content, either.  I guess I can gag my way through those if he'll just get rid of the cheating movies. 

So, he did his usual tirade, "Nobody wants you, everyone hates you, I should get rid of you and make my life better" routine.  "Even your family hates you"

Oh, the abusive ones, or the decent souls?  The decent souls seem to like me pretty well, thanks.  The abusive/dysfunctional ones I cut off.  I didn't tell him that.  I just did my stoic thing. 

Ugh.  He didn't sleep well last night, and I don't think he slept today.  I am hoping he will fall asleep pretty fast tonight and be OK in the morning. 

But it's going to be a long time before I watch a movie he selects, again.  He is always picking these horrible movies that make me cry. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh Heather i am so sorry you are going through this and honestly know your struggle. You have to remember your own health and if this is crisis point it is and if this is bottom it is and only you can make that call when you are ready ..but I am thinking this is crisis intervention time he is going to die and it is not your fault but you blame yourself because he is a narc and they do build that in people

You are amazing strong and worth investing in yourself ..please do you have your blog downloaded? No one will ever question you but if they did this writing is your story ...please you need an outlet that is NOT RON..entirely for Heather if not the gym is there a knitting group or a Y or a library community center that may even offer a class you might be interested in ..anything anywhere but in that house and about Ron

Everyone in life gets a day off and you have 5 jobs i swear so please step outside yourself and tell YOU what to do for your own happiness in life .

You are loved
Spankadoo OOOXXX that was horrible and why if Chuck knows Ron is killing himself is he bringing the gun? Maybe he thinks he is being kind but wow that is just toxic as hell he helped you so much when Ron was in Rehab and then he brings him vodka? What is that? .

Anyway you do you and try to find something fun you can do because yes we do worry !

Garageland (for the cats)

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