Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Distance march

I woke up somewhat manic today.  I took my shower and did my God Time, then watched a little TV.  I set up the check and envelope for the courier, and waited for same. 

The cable guy came and we addressed the slack cable running through my yard issue, and then the courier came.  He took away the envelope and signed the "receipt" I made up.  He was very nice. 

My cycle decided to start in earnest so I had to address that, and then I went to work on the laundry.  I washed, and dried, two loads.  I washed the bedding - the last time I "got" that was sometime around the time of Ron's back surgery.  I also washed my clothes.  I need to wash Ron's clothes, and my black jeans, tomorrow. 

I felt uncomfortably revved up and very pressured to do something.  I tried to point it at housework.  I picked up around the house and took out the garbage. 

I finally decided to take a nap.  That didn't work very well.  I still felt overly caffeinated and restless.  I napped a little but not much. 

I should have known I was getting manic when, last night, I dreamed about Captain Nemo and the Nautilus.  I read the book, but it was a very long time ago.  This dream involved ports of call involving hippies, of all things. 

Definitely getting manic.  Unfortunately, I was also still depressed which makes this a mixed episode.  Ugh.  Manias haven't been "fun" for me in a very long time.  It's more like being exhausted, yet driven on, in some sort of horrible distance march.  The sure-to-come depression (or at least the end of the mania) is actually a relief. 

My illness just isn't fun anymore.  And people may wonder why I am so committed to taking my medication. 

I got up and watched a little more TV.  I picked up some more.  I worked on the laundry. 

I finally finished and Ron woke up.  We were going out for a fast food dinner.  We did that, and had a good time.  I got a little dizzy when my medication kicked in but at least I could feel it working. 

Eating out with Ron (even if it's just a couple of cheap tacos or a hamburger) is the only way I get quality time with him these days.  If he's at home, he's drinking.  If he's at work, he's working.  So I get "eating out". 

I try to take what I get. 

I did find it interesting, Ron made a comment about being addicted to alcohol yesterday, I forget the context, but I remember thinking "At least he's admitting it". 

I think it was when I told him I wished I could drink now and then, just recreational.  He said no, I would become an alcoholic like him.  I just said "And that's why I don't". 

I found it encouraging. 

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