Anorexia

When I was a young teen, I was placed on an antidepressant.  Like a lot of other young teens, I felt I was "fat" at 115 pounds (67 inches tall), and talked about "dieting". 

Well, the antidepressant had an interesting side effect: anorexia, a lack of appetite.  Of course my therapists felt I was anorexic, the eating disorder.  I wasn't.  I just wasn't hungry.  Even when I was hungry, I wasn't hungry, it's hard to explain.  Hungry, I felt as though I'd already eaten a large meal. 

This persisted for years, until the antidepressant was discontinued.  It didn't work that well, anyway. 

Well, I seem to have a paradigm shift in my side effects, because it's back: anorexia.  I find myself forcing myself to eat, gagging down an energy bar, or a modest portion of salad with a serving of protein, at dinner time. 

Results are impressive, I've lost about 15 pounds in less than a month.  Will this last, I don't know. 

I was a little worried, because I know lack of appetite can signify serious problems, especially when paired with significant weight loss.  What to do? 

I looked it up, and sure enough, "anorexia" is listed as a side effect in 75% of my medication side effects.  Huh.  Explains a lot. 

Why now?  I wasn't that sick, I don't think.  I'm not complaining.  "I feel like" I told Ron "I had a gastric bypass".  I just don't enjoy eating.  I gag it down because I have to, because I need it to take my medication and I need fuel for my body.  I need building blocks to build immunity and such.

It's just odd.  I've gone from snacking and hunger all the time, to satiety and weight loss.  Very odd.  I am making a point to put healthy things in my mouth and eat "balanced" - very reduced carbs, plenty of lean protein, and lots of salad.  Well, lots for me, maybe 3 cups a day? 

I eat it with an olive oil and vinegar dressing, that seemed pretty close to natural.  I can certainly sidestep chemicals. 

Of course I feel like a total whore writing this as I make my living in junk food. 

Ron had a good birthday today.  We woke up, I did my God time and shower, went to the mall, and got him his favorite takeout.  I had Chik-fil-a, a grilled sandwich with cheese and bacon.  It was very juicy and good. 

I actually enjoyed eating that. 

We came home and I had a pretty good nap. Biscuit joined me in bed.  Interestingly enough, Biscuit and Gravy don't like people food, except for one thing: cheese sticks.  They adore them.  They bite and lick the sticks as I hold them in my hand.  So, I bite off a little segment and offer it to them.  They eat that off to the side, leaving the rest of my cheese stick unmolested. 

Just a little glimpse at my life. 

Ron didn't want a cake.  He didn't want to go out to dinner.  He just wanted some takeout, which we got. 

He slept a lot and drank a little, I'm sure, but he was quiet. 

He did carry on a lot about my weight which I found odd, considering I have lost a lot.  My clothing size is pretty much the same but that's OK, I just want to get the weight off my systems and joints. 

That can only be a good thing.