Friday, July 17, 2015

Borracho

God is slowly calling Ron to account for his drinking. 

The other night, Ron recorded himself mumbling drunkenly, eating, and snoring.  He was pretty horrified, kept saying he was sorry, it must have been an unusual night, etc. 

I said, in a matter of fact fashion, that's pretty much every night.  I didn't get upset, I just stated the fact.  Ron looked like I'd smacked him in the face with a dead fish.  He listened to it, over and over. 

I did find it funny that he appears to "like" 80's pop (normally he is more into old soul and R&B, and 70's music) when drunk.  I sang along with the song as Ron gaped at me. 

I guess I was supposed to be horrified at the drunken mumbling.  [snort]  If THAT bothered me...

Last night I heard him eating chips, but he didn't keep me up. 

Rule #1: DON'T WAKE ME UP

Unless, of course, you or a cat needs the hospital, or the house is on fire.  Then you can wake me. 

This morning, I heard him awake and went to say hello.  He was in a very sour mood. 

It appeared as though a bag of tortilla chips had exploded in his bed.  "That's your mess" I told him.  "You clean it up."  Rule #2. 

Unless he is truly unable to clean it, which has happened a few times.  However, dry chips are certainly doable. 

If he broke a glass or dropped food on the floor, I would clean it.  He would just make a mess and hurt himself.  

He started yelling at God.  If something goes wrong, if he messed up in any way, if my problems "impede" him in any way, it is always and constantly "God's" fault.  Ron screams filthy curses at God, raving, etc. 

I finally told him "Remember when you got upset at me for what you saw as my 'bad attitude' the other day?" He started cursing; he knew what was coming. 

"You're doing it".   When he is "sober" verbally - that's the only analogy that fits, when he gets into verbal abuse mode, it consumes him, like alcohol.  He's like a runaway train, nothing can stop him, and if he thinks I am "trying to shut him out" he gets even more venomous.  He won't receive this, though. 

When I have explained my view to him, I'm the only one who's around.  I'm the one who loves him, helps him with everything, etc... why attack me for something I didn't even do? 

It is wrong for him to attack me like that even over something he believes I did do, but we'll work up to that.  He won't accept it now. 

When he was in a listening mood, and wanting to accommodate me, and prove he is a good husband (he gets that way sometimes when he feels I have gone above and beyond), I told him his attitudes can be very upsetting and hurtful. 

"Just tell me" he said smugly.  "I'll always stop." 

Not. 

Quite. 

I got him the vacuum and took my shower.  I heard him cursing as I bathed. 

I may "coddle" him, per my brother in law (before we were expelled from "the family"), but I won't enable. 

For instance, "I'm going to the liquor store and buying an expensive bottle of alcohol".

Me: "Could you at least try the generic?  What if it's just as good and half the price?"  I am always thrifty, so that's not unusual for me. 

I won't even "let" him buy me a new TV, even though TNT is now speaking Spanish with English subtitles.  [giggle]  Actually, a driver told me that's the best way to learn spanish.   Today I learned "Borracho" means drunk (as in alcoholic). 

The way things are going, I absolutely need to learn spanish.  

I got out of the shower and took back the vacuum.  Ron made a lot of rude comments about my housekeeping "I'm surprised you could find it."   I ignored him. 

I am 100% certain Ron has Narcissistic personality disorder.  I am unsure whether he has Borderline Personality.  I am, however, absolutely certain Ron has deep, chronic, long-standing depression.  He has never really faced a lot of the horrible things that happened to him.  He buries that, I think, in the bottle. 

I am not stupid enough to think "The love of a good woman" can fix all that.  All I can do is try to support him in a healthy, non-enabling way.  Unfortunately that means a lot of (figurative) battle scars for me in the process. 

Sometimes I get into a bitter, self-pitying, whiny, mood.  "Why me?"  Why couldn't I have the "good" husband?  Why did I have to marry a drunk? 

Then I remind myself I DID NOT seek God's advice, in the matter. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am not sure about borderline I think Ron has some empathy he just has fried his brain with booze, booze numbs feelings and anger is always a result of fear and his fear of loosing you. The ONLY person he knows would do this out of love and not for a paycheck. I do agree though he is narcissistic having had a father and brother both self admittedly that exact disorder I can say from what you posted your diagnosis is spot on! Heather I hope you find more happiness in your life and Ron is somehow humbled. If he did not drink your life would be better. But that is not possible so you make your life better by rationalizing and finding joy in simple things. I think the saddest thing is how consuming he is of your time and the fact you get NO breaks anymore. When did you last take off for a day? you used to schedule those into your weeks and have so much fun. There is no real Heather time because you have no breaks to make time.

I hope someday you will find your muse again. Because really you are brilliant and creative and you have your own life to look out for as well as his.

good luck will check back again ( I do periodically and enjoy your posts)

"Right Mind"

I got to sleep late today; I got up at 8.  Still tired, though.  Always tired.  Not the illness, the "cure".  I wish it wasn'...