Disabled

Depression is trying to sniff around.  For me, right now, that means a pretty low energy level.

The really bad typing?  That's the lithium!

Oh, speaking of:  prescriptions now have the diagnosis on the slip.  At least mine did.

I am accustomed to getting the run-around when I get my refills.  Since I have never made a suicide attempt, I am "permitted" 3 month refills.  You would not want 200+ lithium tablets in the hands of someone who is in the habit of overdosing.

I'm not, if I can't battle anymore I get help.  God is clear on that.  One day I'll tell you about my first suicidal depression.

Anyway, not whining, but when I have limited energy; I have to spend it like money.

I'm sure the easily offended, gossipy, judger types will love this:  last night I did dishes.  I had about a week of dishes piled up in the sink.  They were trying to escape the sink.

So, I had to do that.  After the dishes I had no energy left.

That's the paradox I had this week: cleaning up the house, Mom and Dad are coming to visit.  It's not bad (except for the dishes) but it is pretty cluttered.  I had to forfeit that in order to do the Bible Handout. Now I have to make cleaning up a priority, while still having some fun (I worked in the garden for a little while today).

I keep forgetting to mail the water bill, I really need to remember that.  I think I'll put a note on my cell phone.

Seeing all my limitations, memory problems, slower "processing speed", fatigue issues, I find it very funny that God uses me at all.  But, when "I" do a Bible Handout, it's not me at all; it's God using me.  I think He can use me like this because I'm not ashamed to do it, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, and I leave it all to Him and give Him the credit.

God knows it sure isn't "me" doing this.

So, back to the lithium.  Now the prescription has my ICD 9 code:  Bipolar type one, mixed, most recent episode manic.  The tech took one look at it and clearly freaked.  She said they could have it tomorrow.  I said next week was fine, I knew it took a while to send it out.  No, she insisted, they could have it tomorrow.

They have never acted that way before.  Did they have a horrible bipolar patient?  Did she not know my diagnosis?  I don't know, but I found it profoundly sad.

My entire goal with medication: live a simple life, without scaring anyone.

Boy, my typing is AWFUL.  Mom and Dad gave me a reconditioned computer last fall; it has spell correct.  It's a good thing, if it didn't you'd think Bubba-cat had walked on my keyboard.

I can definitely tell my lithium levels are up.  Boy.  I could not even spell the word "Couldn't" and "level".

I never really felt DISABLED until I started taking the lithium.  It definitely limits my functions, but that's the price I pay.  I'm not stopping it.

For the last couple days, my anxiety level was up.  I expected that to some degree, but I shared it (not always easy for me) and I guess enough people prayed, I sure feel better.  I also consciously work on turning the stresses over to God.

Today, as a treat, I bought some bacon.  Oh, yum.   I love bacon.  I need to get another Bacon Wave, though.  I use it for cooking the bacon, and it comes out delicious.

I also got additional, low carb, snacks to carry in my backpack.  I don't want to be caught out hungry with bad choices.  They're also things that work, for taking lithium.

OK, that's it for now.  I'm getting the hand tremor which is making it hard to type.