I got a decent amount of sleep last night.
I have some possible issues coming up at work, a coworker issue, etc. This co worker at one point walked up to me, asked how I was doing. I said "Missing my husband today". She then replied "You talk too much about your DEAD husband you need to stop, no one wants to hear it". Also told me to "Watch (my) mouth" on another occasion when a customer tried to take another employee's cart and I politely told her we "needed" it. She then threw the other employee's stuff on the floor and handed the cart to the customer. So I find her a tad difficult.
Here's a tidbit I have picked up: if it is after about 9 AM up to closing, get your own cart out of the parking lot because they may not have it up front. And this is a couple stores I've been to and the one I work. So I do that now.
But I serve her the way I would Jesus, if I am assigned to give her breaks and lunches I am right on time doing it. I also check in periodically if she needs to run to the bathroom or whatever. I just don't share anything with her because she will either judge me or use it against me.
Happily I don't have anyone else I would term "difficult" at work. But I do have some issues coming up at work today and that is never fun to anticipate. I hope I can get it settled on my leaving on time to catch the bus as Jack has a birthday coming up, and may not be able to help me tomorrow night. And always wondering about the app is it going to "let" me log in and out today or will I have to go to the office.
The good news I have had to use the office so much (have to key in the data 2x for that) I have memorized my employee code and password. So that's a bonus.
If I have time I may look into a stylus in electronics and see if that helps me with the app. If my hand is shaking it is hard to hit the right "key" on my phone when I am typing in the app password. It took me a couple tries yesterday. But I do have my schedule for 2 weeks now so I am OK for now either way.
It is a family tremor I think Dad would be OK with me saying he has it. So did my mother, apparently. It has just gotten worse since Ron died. Still hard to believe I found him dead just like that. But at least he didn't suffer and I didn't have to wait, tortured, to find out if he was going to make it during a hospital stay. Once you get over the shock it wasn't a bad way to go.
I hear about horrible long deaths on the caregiver board. He didn't have that. I am curious to hear cause of death. He died so suddenly it can only be a few things, stroke, heart attack, blood clot. He had a peaceful expression so I am guessing it wasn't a heart attack. But they are working on it.
Since I did benefit from his death I am sure they are ruling out foul play which is fine I have no secrets. I still have the notebook with everything he ate, when he pooped, pill times, all that. I haven't looked at it but I have it if someone needs it.
As near as I can figure he was averaging about 10 servings of alcohol a day so that has to be a factor. Could be an interaction with his medication even though I warned him about that. I'm not going to worry about that there is nothing I can do now. He would have paid someone to bring him alcohol if he didn't get it from me and I was clear on that. But I am sure the ME has plenty of experience with alcoholics.
Speaking of there is a homeless man on one of my routes he has a catheter and a leg bag he displays to everyone it is disgusting, one time he tried to get on the bus and it was leaking so thank God the driver said no. He can walk I don't know why he needed a catheter. He begs near my store and I guess is hoping to make more money now. He's the one had the vicious dog kept trying to attack Ron in his wheelchair, the guy could not control the dog, so we called animal control and they took it. It was a big safety hazard, what if a young mother came by with a baby in a stroller and the dog attacked it like it kept trying to do with Ron? So I don't like him. He thought it was "funny" the dog tried to attack Ron. But I don't have to go out in that part of the parking lot anymore.
That is one thing about Ron, at the end he may have been a lush but he didn't make it anyone else's problem (save the time he fell out of bed).
Depressed today hoping that perks up a little. I remind myself this is expected and normal (despite what the co worker might say), and it will get better. I had to leave the widows group because people kept saying it was still terrible 4-10 years out and I didn't want to hear that. I want to hear I can make it through the worst of this in a year or two. I am not looking to date but dialing down the pain level would be great.
I just hurt pretty much all the time. I can have a good time on top of that occasionally but the pain is still underneath. Either the pain dials back or I guess I get more used to it, I have heard the latter actually. It's just hard because we were so close. It has also been a huge adjustment going out on the bus and earning my own living (which I have). The cats are OK with that, though.
I need to go get ready for work. I didn't get any mail yesterday but will check when I get home tonight.
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