So yesterday I had too much caffeine, it is a peril when I am depressed I just reach for it to feel better. Yes, I watch it most days.
So I'm lying in bed trying to sleep and #6 starts up playing a loud Spanish podcast or something, very loud. This went on for a good 20 minutes. I was NOT happy, it was after 8 PM and very rude, I felt. I could hear a ladder banging around so I think he was playing it on speakers outside while he did yardwork vs. streaming it on a phone with headphones/ear pods. It didn't sound like the sermons they do sometimes. Very rude, though. I don't play loud things at any time and the worst thing you can say I ever did to them Ron's fire truck that came to revive him parked in front of their house (driveway was clear) for an hour or so. But I never do loud anything because I pay to live in the quiet.
And I was lying in bed thinking overwhelmingly how glad I was Ron was dead and away from all this nonsense. He would never be woken up by them again. That was a very nice thought and I hung onto that. I decided I would call the police if it went after 9 PM. It did not.
Overall they have proven to be very quiet for long stretches and then they just go wild. They have a lot of birthdays coming up the next couple months and I venture they will do the all night Christmas party again this year as well (they did not, last year). So I expect more nonsense.
I am glad they didn't do this right after Ron died, maybe they are more sensitive than I thought. They were told, by my aunt, he died. They never said a word to me. That is fine. I didn't expect a casserole.
I need to take a shower for work, will be back. Done. I like using peppermint soap it is mosquito season and they are really bad around my yard. I don't have any standing water but 2 neighbors do. Peppermint is also anti-depressant in aromatherapy.
My hands are shaking pretty bad today I guess that is from sleep deprivation. I can clearly still type just not as fast.
My aunt asked what my moods looked like and I said pretty consistently always depressed, sometimes worse, sometimes a little better but always back to the depression. That will work out eventually. Blogging helps.
I wouldn't want Ron back the way he was, he was miserable. He is in a perfect, glorified, body right now. No pain, no fear, no sorrow. I wouldn't take that away from him. It just sucks to be me living without him.
God worked things out pretty well, the Go Fund me was started (a friend did it) the night Ron died and got up to a pretty high level pretty quick! I am still carefully using those funds. I was offered the Walmart job on a plate with only an online application (I am sure she checked out my Facebook). The job is something I can do well, the bosses seem to like me, I am getting a decent chunk of money every 2 weeks. The hours are decent. I can get there on the bus. I can evangelize the bus drivers. The cats are good. Life insurance paid off the house it is just taxes and insurance now I save some out of each paycheck for that. If that keeps up I will do fine.
I would like better pay but God may want me here for a while, and $11 an hour is not bad. I only have $500 a month for housing (put it into my "escrow" account) so that helps, my other utilities are pretty low. Last electric bill was $115 in the middle of the summer, you can't beat that. Friends have been good, my aunt and Jack in particular.
I try to focus on the blessings. I do miss having a husband but I am giving it at least 5 years before I start dating. I don't want to leap into a bad relationship.
Going to go do my God Time, that's it for now.
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