I slept OK, once I got to sleep, and woke up right about the time of my alarm clock. It hadn't been set properly, apparently.
I got up, did most of my God Time, took my shower (not in that order), etc. I got some candy and put it in the tote bag. I turned on Ron's Christmas lights.
Ron woke up. He was very depressed and not a little angry he was still alive. He was incredibly negative and toxic to me and all the drivers. The drivers thought it was "funny" and laughed at him. I knew better.
When I finally get him to the doctor, I am going to mention the depression, the anger, and the drinking. We went to Walmart.
He was very bitter about going, and, after we got there, cancelled "my" trip to Sam's Club to get more candy to resupply. I have been doing up bags of candy. Each bag of candy has a Scripture Booklet, a full sized Snickers bar, a couple of pieces of gum (individually wrapped chewing gum), taffy, Now and Later, a handful of assorted mini candy bars, and some tootsie rolls. Everyone loves them and they have been moving quickly. I am doing at least 50 a week; I have half a case. I have a problem.
I asked Ron if I could buy a case from the business and he said no, I won't need it. Very frustrating. And the individual snickers bars are too expensive at the checkout.
So I bought more gum and taffy, more bags (I go through a lot of bags), etc. I bought some vitamins for a sick friend. I got labels for work, and for Christmas presents. I got a gift bag for my aunt. I put half her present in it when I got home.
I got everything I needed, and some stuff I had been forgetting every time, like the labels. I had enough time, finally, to do my shopping.
Ron was so incredibly bitter and angry at life, I didn't even call him except to ask him 2 questions. According to him, I bought paper towels we don't need, all because I didn't want to call him. Ron didn't say the latter.
I felt sorry for anyone up front with him.
I bought him a Santa hat; when he was in a better mood he has asked for one, more than once. So I figured I would give it to him when he is in a better mood.
We came home, we had a good ride with a nice driver who enjoyed her candy. I stowed everything on the van and then carried it to the house, myself. Her job, I told her, was driving.
We got in the house and Ron went immediately for the vodka bottle. "I'll try not to have a blackout" he told me. Oh, great. I had eaten at Walmart, so I took my pills quickly and then laid down for a nap.
My pills, if I lie down, will knock me out. Not a great technique for coping but hopefully his rage and frustration would be spent quietly, while I was asleep.
I couldn't come up with a nice way to say "I don't want to talk to you when you're like this". I get it, he's depressed. He is very crippled and it is hard for him. I won't reveal things said in therapy, but when we went for marriage counseling in 2006 the therapist said Ron had some childhood issues he had to work through, too.
So, Ron has a lot of issues. I think he needs medication and therapy. I can't fix what is wrong with him, only God, and professionals, can.
So, I hid in sleep. I slept pretty well and woke up a couple hours later. By then, Ron was asleep. He had told me our pickup time for tomorrow so I could be ready on time.
Ron can't harass me for doing my God Time, if he's asleep, so I get up 2 hours early, take my shower, and then do my God Time before he wakes up. On an ideal day it happens this way. My days aren't always ideal but I do try.
I think God appreciates the effort. I actually got the idea from my stepmother. She used to get up at 5 AM, which I thought was so early, to do her time with God. I don't know what she did exactly, that was her business, but I remembered the idea.
Now I get up at 4 AM most work days to do my routine. She used to call me "Earlybird" because I always got up so early. Now I'm back to it.
I keep thinking about my pickles. I bought some, today. I'm going to go devour some.
Have a good one.
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