Running out of staff

I woke up tired and depressed. 

I can remember times in the past, when I was manic, and woke up after a few hours' sleep bursting with energy, ready to tackle the day.  Those days are way behind me. 

I'm not manic, but I have no energy either.  No energy + depression makes for a tough time. 

These days, I wake up tired.  Either more or less tired, but always depressed.  Sometimes I feel like 90% of my blog is me, bitching about one thing or another. 

I'd love to impart great insights and inspire thousands, but I feel I'm doing good to say "I took a shower" this morning. 

I did.  Shower.  I didn't do my God Time but I fed the cats and showered.  Got dressed, ate, took my pills. 

I have to eat these truly awful protein bars with my Wellbutrin.  The Wellbutrin likes the protein bars.  If I eat other things, I get sick.  Now, I imagine a full blown traditional American breakfast would do the trick (I'm not talking cereal, here).  But protein shake, no.  Sausage patty, no.  Fruit, no.  Horrible protein bar, fine.  And who has the energy to cook a traditional American breakfast? 

If I won the lotto I would definitely hire a housekeeper who was a good cook.  Also an organizer.  A driver.  One for each of us.  And then I run out of staff.  I guess I could make our yard guy the full time landscaper, he is a really nice man with a lovely family. 

Anyway, I don't even buy lotto tickets so that's out. 

I just get tired of my illness, and the treatment for it, causing so many problems for me.  I have talked endlessly about the side effects so I won't, again.  It's mainly the fatigue and the brain fog that have me griping now. 

We went to Sam's Club.  Ron gave me the list.  I went shopping and got it all, plus the things I needed for snacks.  When Jack showed up, the pickup got a little crowded, stuffing everything in there.  But we got (no, he got it to fit). 

We got to work and I took Ron in the building, then unloaded the truck with Jack.  To be honest, Jack does most of the work.  We should raise what we pay him. 

I took everything into the building and got to work stocking it.  We are down a soda machine, for now, so Ron had 1/3 less stocking to do.  So did I, down a snack machine. 

BUT, the repairman should come out Monday for the soda machine, and our boss emailed me he HAS a snack machine for me.  God only knows when they'll bring it, but they have a snack machine set aside for our location.  They will also take away the dead one.  Well, it's alive, but I turned it off for ripping people off. 

We'll get our machines back: sometime.  In the meantime we will stuff the ones we have with delicious treats and drinks.  That's all we can do. 

When we left the machines looked great. 

We came home, had a nice driver.  I had enough time for a VERY short nap, which I took.  Then I got up. 

We were going out for Indian food again.  I don't like spicy food, but I love tikka masala (chicken in a red cream sauce).  They put two whole peppers into it today, it was good though.  I just stayed away from the peppers (they were dried, and lurking in the sauce).   Ron ordered Samosa, he loves them.  He ordered some Tandoori Chicken to go, with garlic pan bread.  I stole a couple bites of samosa but saved myself for the tikka masala. 

After my meal, I had a chai tea.  I was happy to see the place was a lot busier than normal.  The owners said they had had a pretty busy day, which is great.  I want them to be very popular, so they stay in business.  They've only been open for a couple of months. 

More customers came in while we ate, which is great.  Ron and I sat in front of the window so people could see us enjoying our meal.  Ron ate one samosa and part of the garlic bread (naan with garlic on it) and sat there moaning.  He had eaten a lot of cherry tomatoes when we got home after work. 

Ron got most of his stuff to go.  I ate all my pan bread and most of my dish, and saved the rest for breakfast.  Tikka Masala + protein bar.  At least the spices will kill the taste of the protein bar. 

Before my diagnosis, I just ate when I was hungry.  I never had to think about eating to a clock.  I just ate when I got hungry, or when Ron and I went out.  Admittedly, I was still overweight because I did a lot of snacking, but I had a freedom I didn't appreciate at the time. 

Nowadays, I feel like an inmate, eating to a clock, swallowing huge handfuls of pills every time I open my mouth.  Drinking buckets of water every day because I'm always thirsty.  

We had a good meal.  I like the restaurant because they don't serve alcohol.  Ron had a drink before we left. 

The driver came on time and was nice.  A lot of nice drivers today.  I know I complain about the bad ones, but the majority are very nice, professional, very hard workers. 

We came home.  I called my parents.  I hadn't talked to them in a while.  I told them Ron was drinking again. 

Not much they could say to that. 

I have some small gifts for people on order, they should arrive by Tuesday/Wednesday next week.  I am debating adding some other gifts to that, or just leaving things the way they are right now. 

Last year I was sick and didn't send anything, so anything I send will be an improvement.  I just need to decide what to do. 

I also wonder about playing favorites with family members; do I send gifts to some of them but not others?  Does that make me look bad?  But where is it written everyone had to get something? 

Trying to be vague because some might read this, and I don't want them to know their gifts before. 

I will say I am limiting my budget.  Back in the old days "Before" (my diagnosis and treatment) I used to send some pretty lavish (for me) gifts.  One year I sent my Dad empty pill bottles as part of his Christmas present "See, I'm taking my pills".  I don't think he got it, but I tried. 

I have a hungry Biscuit lying at my feet.  He's very patient.  But he is waiting.  So I'll feed him and go pee (did I mention I always have to pee?), then go to bed.