Ron doesn't come off too good in this one

So, we went to the dentist. 

Ron has a cracked tooth.  We didn't do anything with that one.   He ate the "temporary" on the root canal (another tooth) and now the proper crown won't fit.  God only knows how much that will cost. 

The back molar that instigated this visit has a crown, and the crown is well seated.  So no problems there. 

It is hard to keep track of all of Ron's crowns and root canals.  Since he doesn't take care of them anyway, I would just as soon pull the ones that go bad and get him dentures.  But then he wouldn't take care of the dentures. 

While at the dentist, Ron had the bright idea to go to Walmart, get a few things (I wanted to get that blood pressure meter, and some eggnog), and then call Chuck to take us to Sam's for water, then go to work.  Great idea, I told him, but I don't have my badge and I am wearing flip flops.  Not in the dress code. 

After we were done at the dentist, we went to Walmart and got our stuff, then Ron had Chuck pick us up, take me home to change my shoes and get my badge, then go to Sam's.  After that, go to work and put them up.  Ron would stay in the truck. 

By the way, he says his back is just as bad as it was last year and he isn't interested in having another laminectomy.  Fine, stay in the truck.  I'd move faster without him, anyway. 

I put on a cheap pair of sneakers and we went to Sam's.  I got the water, and some tea, for Ron.  I got a guy to help me put the water in the truck. 

I lost the receipt but Ron was nice about it.  I will give him that. 

We went to work.  I got the "buggy" (the term all Texans use to refer to any sort of cart, I've finally adopted it), and unloaded the water, with Ron's help.  He got in the truck bed and pushed it toward the tailgate, for me.  I did appreciate that. 

Ron was very grateful to the both of us for helping him.  Then I put the water away and locked the fridge. 

We went home, went to bed.  The next morning we went to work and stocked the now-cold water.  I did snacks, but they didn't need much, sadly.  We had a long day so I actually got to accomplish everything I needed done. 

They are having a big party at work today so we were asked to stay home.  I can understand that.  Ron is havoc on wheels when he is working, and he would probably knock a table over.  They are apparently charging $20 a ticket for this party so they plan to have a lot of food. 

It does, of course, hurt our sales, not that I think they considered that. 

We finished and came home.  I took a short nap.  With Biscuit, he's just the cutest thing ever and I love him to pieces.  I woke up and got dressed. 

Ron had scheduled the trips on paratransit, of course, but they changed the pickup to bring us home and weren't going to give us enough time to eat.  So Ron decided he would cancel that ride, call a cab after we ate, and then go home. 

We were stuck waiting on a cab over and hour after we finished our meal.  Next time, I suggested to Ron, make an appointment with a cab driver ahead of time to pick us up at a certain time, that works for us, after the meal.  Don't try to call a cab after we're done and trying to get home.  He agreed. 

He was still pretty amenable because the facility doesn't have a liquor license, so he was sober.  We waited, he made a lot of phone calls. 

I decided to view it as a one hour mission trip.  I would give the driver (and did) candy with an evangelism booklet inside, so I was just spending an hour of my time to meet the right guy, who would benefit from this and get saved.  It made me feel better, but I didn't share it with Ron because he would have been ugly about it. 

We got home, the driver was really nice. He loved the candy and the generous tip. 

I told Ron, I need to check the mail, and put away the garbage can.  Can you wait outside while I go? 

Ron has issues with his bowels, after eating, sometimes.  I didn't want to leave him there if he needed to use the toilet.  He said he was fine, but asked me to unlock the door to the house.  I did that. 

I left him in the garage, with the door open, and the door to the house unlocked.  While I was getting the mail (maybe 3 minutes), he decided he didn't want to wait (he didn't have to use the bathroom), so he shut the door to the garage, and opened the door to the house.  When he did that, Baby Girl got into the garage.  Once he was in the house, he shut the door to the house and opened the garage door, letting Baby Girl out. 

I spent about an hour, at Ron's instigation, searching for her.  Ron's fear for his cat and agitation fed on the many drinks he had "worrying" about her.  I finally told him I had to go to bed, she would come home when she was hungry.  He didn't like that much, but said he understood. 

He went into his room and shut the door, then opened the window and did his "treats" routine.  After an additional 30 minutes of so, Ron started screaming for me. 

Baby Girl was home, totally fine, but Ron was so upset at her for "scaring" him he didn't know what he'd do with her.  I removed her from the bedroom and he shut the window.  I patted her and gave her a can of tuna, I figured she was hungry.  I also put down some dry food for all of them because it was about finished. 

I went back to bed.  Ron kept yelling at Baby Girl everytime she got into bed with him, yelling in general, muttering, exclamations, cursing at God, etc. keeping me up most of the night.  My only consolation was the fact that I could sleep late today, and I did, once he finally shut up. 

This morning I got up around 10 and Ron came into the front room while I was eating my breakfast.  He's been wanting me to "watch" (translation: narrate for him) an old Star Trek episode.  I told him I was too tired, he kept me up all night.  He got very ugly when I said that, he was drinking a lot and said some horrible things I won't repeat.  He tries to use my weight as a weapon against me, I will say, saying things like I am no longer attractive to him, he didn't want to "marry a fat woman like his mother" (Ironic on that: when Ron was in his young 20's he almost married a woman, she was significantly overweight, like his mother).  It's been an ongoing issue.  I figure about half my weight is due to carbs and the other half is due to medication. 

The ironic thing: when I did lose weight, and I have gotten to within 20 pounds of goal, or actually at goal, on a couple of occasions, Ron will change his insults to I will get fat again, I have a skinny body but a "fat" mind, etc.  He always finds a way to make my weight an issue, no matter my weight.  When I was very thin (120) when I met him he used to say I had a flat chest and no curves.  He actually encouraged me to gain weight at first. 

He started raving that it (keeping me up all night) didn't happen if I couldn't prove it did, and the only way I could "prove" it was to make a recording.  I asked him if he couldn't take it on faith, that's not the sort of thing I'm going to make up, and he said no, I was a bitch, and a lot worse.  He kept drinking. 

The poor cats are standing around, and Ron's giving them treats while he's screaming at me and Torbie's just munching away and asking for more, Biscuit says Hi to me and hides, and Baby Girl is nowhere to be found, which angers Ron to no end. 

Don't worry, if I leave him I will take the cats.  I may have to leave the house for a night, or a couple of days, if Ron gets really awful, but I would come back and get the cats before I left. 

I need to change the password on my cell phone, and get Ron's name off of it.  Why should he get a year's worth of good credit from my payments?  If I left, I have no doubt he would try to turn off my cell phone.  If it's in my name with a different password he can't do that. 

Anyway, I finished my protein bar, made some decaf iced tea, and took a shower.  I heard Ron's voice in the front of the house, and him yelling my name and cursing me, but happily with the shower noise I couldn't really hear the gist of it.  He finally started screaming my name again and I told him I'm in the shower.  He said something to that but then he shut up.  He got bored, I think, and went to bed. 

Now he's sleeping.  I will admit to really wanting to play my music really loud and wake him up a few times, then tell him he needs to record it or it didn't happen.  But I don't want to start a war and I am sure God wants me to be better than that. 

I will be taking a nap when I finish this, just so I can get some sleep. 

Sometimes Ron apologizes after he is horrible to me, but a lot of times I just don't care.  He is slowly burning out all my love for him.  I'm not going to do anything stupid, like cheat, but I have to not-care when he gets like this.  If I don't-care when he gets hateful, then he can't hurt me.  And he can't have it both ways.  Either I care, or I don't.  And if he wants me to care he has got to cut out the verbal abuse. 

I wish I could just attribute it all to the head injury, but truth was, he was pretty awful to me before the accident.  He was verbally abusive, he cheated, he didn't appreciate me.  He trusted me and expected me to be the #1 star performing employee the whole time he did all that.  Like I said, you don't get all of that. 

I naively assumed that my love and devotion for him, after the accident, would redeem him somehow and he would become a "better" man.  Then he got drunk and tried to choke me 2 months after we got married. 

He only has 3 pairs of pants that fit, and he got angry at me because they weren't washed.  I asked him where they were "In a bag, between my bed and the wall".  I told him, if he wants me to wash his clothes, he has to give them to me every couple days, otherwise they won't get done.  Don't hide your clothes until you have a huge monster bag and then tell me "I need these clean in 20 minutes".  That's impossible.  It takes at least 2-3 hours to do a load of clothes, depending on how long they take in the dryer.  Assuming I am able to drop everything and get to them. 

"Just throw them in" he said.  I reminded him I have to check the pockets.  "I do" I find stuff all the time.  "Well, do it after that".  No, I told him, then we get to stain pretreating.  He makes a lot of stains on his clothes.  I have to pretreat them to make sure they come out. 

Hopefully he has a better understanding of how "laundry" works, now, but it's just typical.  He doesn't appreciate anything I do until I don't do it. 

Ugh.  I try to appreciate him in return, you can find something redeemable, I think, in almost anyone.  Ron was nice about me losing the receipt.  I sure liked the help unloading the drinks from the pickup.  He was thankful I got all those drinks put up in the fridge for him.  He is appreciative when I help him at work (about half the time), and he tries to take care of what he sees as my needs. 

As far as Ron is concerned, I need utilities and the mortgage paid.  I also need occasional trips to Walmart.  If he accomplishes those, he thinks he is "taking care" of me.  I have tried to explain I need a little more than that. 

I don't think he listens.