If you take nothing else from my blog, hopefully today's post will educate you about CAPD. Central Auditory Processing Disorder. Here is a link: link
I have it. This is, basically, how it affects me:
- have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally, and may cope better with visually acquired information
- have problems carrying out multi-step directions given orally; need to hear only one direction at a time
- have poor listening skills
- need more time to process information
Fewer words may be perceived than were actually said, as there can be problems detecting the gaps between words, creating the sense that someone is speaking unfamiliar or nonsense words. Those suffering from APD may have problems relating what has been said with its meaning, despite obvious recognition that a word has been said, as well as repetition of the word. [happens to me frequently, I'm always saying "what?"]
Ron doesn't understand it, and doesn't want to. The way he sees it, HE is the damaged and broken one, the martyr and victim. I'm not saying that maliciously, but Ron was raised to think of himself as a victim, and, on several occasions, has set himself up to be victimized. I don't think he's even aware of it.
Lately, he talks a lot about how God "got" (blinded) him when he was a helpless baby. I told him that is incorrect. He was born blind. He asks why. I tell him, because you were blind you thought more and didn't get sucked into the ignorant thug lifestyle like the other boys in your neighborhood. I remind him we share our faith with the other drivers on the paratransit service, and the passengers. That couldn't happen if either of us were able to drive.
He doesn't want to hear it. So, I tell Ron God can defend Himself.
It just gets old, the endless I'm a poor victim routine. Some of you may be laughing because I am CERTAIN that's how I come off at times! I tell him, don't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Volunteer at the animal shelter - play with the animals, walk them. Volunteer at a crisis line. He is a registered peer counselor. Instead of (feeling sorry for yourself), reach out and help other people.
God has done wonderful things for us lately. I feel it is very rude and thankless of Ron to whine constantly. I don't say that, of course. I don't sit around all day wailing about mental illness and brain damage. I didn't even whine about the nausea. I'd just tell Ron "I don't want to eat" when I was queasy.
It would be very easy to fall into the self-pity trap, but that IS NOT what God wants me to do. God wants me to overcome, not sit there whining. God also says His strength is made perfect in my weakness
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.", so, I figure, that is why God made me this way. God created me, with my problems, because I could only serve Him this way.
Ron wants to sit around and compare himself to other people, and complain. Not in the Bible! In fact, the 10 Commandments tell us not to covet: anything. Including someone's healthy body.
Anyway, today someone had given Ron a web address. He kept trying to play it for me. I would rather be stung by wasps, than have someone TELL me a web address. I told him, I can get it online. I don't need you to tell me. So, I got it.
Then he told me it was wrong (he doesn't understand search engines or mirror sites). He kept yelling the address at me. I had him do it very slowly and he kept acting like I was being a [mean woman]. He said I was "biting" him. I said, when you try to TELL me all this stuff, you are "biting" me! I find it just as unpleasant! Then he went to acting like a victim again.
Let me tell you, it's a good thing I do have God. Every time I ask Ron for a little help and accommodation with my problems, he starts complaining about how he "deserves better" and "Why can't I have a normal woman?" "I'm such a victim, God hates me and stuck me with a broken woman ON TOP of blinding me!"
Because she would have left you decades ago!
However, I know Ron will answer for EVERYTHING. To God. He will feel my pain, every bit of it, with every cruel remark. Hebrews 10:30 "Vengence is mine, I will repay' says the Lord."
Edit: I did talk to Ron, and asked him "How would things be different if you stopped seeing yourself as a victim?"
Edit: I did talk to Ron, and asked him "How would things be different if you stopped seeing yourself as a victim?"
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