Contemplative

Hm.  I need to stop looking at my statistics!  [snort]

Don't get me wrong, I got one lovely comment, and then a completely hateful comment with a spam link tag line.   I don't allow spam links.  I have comment moderation.  I MODERATE the comments.  That means, I do not allow spam.

Nothing hateful gets published, either, so they are out on two counts.  Agh.

Anyway, as I was cleaning tile glue off the tiles in the bathroom, I wondered how I'd approach today's blog.

Would I take the "I'm so tired of being tired" approach?  The valiant "I have a horrible illness but I'll fight it to the end."  The contemplative "I wonder why I am so tired, is it depression, some kind of illness, or just side effects?  Is it all 3?"

I think I'll go with contemplative, today.  It's a good thing I have automatic spell check.  I've slept pretty poorly, the last couple of nights.  It could be as simple as that.

The guy who's fixing our house comes by after he gets off work.  He puts in a couple hours and goes home.

I'm used to going to bed around 8.  He leaves around 9!  I've also consumed caffeine so I'd be alert when he arrived.  Happily, it's almost done now.

From the first minute, I have done everything I can to help.  Demo.  Cleanup.  I don't mind cleaning tile glue (I don't know the technical name) off the tiles, because it's my shower.  I need to own it.

Besides, I feel, like Habitat for Humanity, that people should invest some sweat into their homes.  I don't mean maintaining it.  I mean, respecting the work the guys have done by investing my own effort into helping.  Into making it look as good as possible, because, at the end of the day, it's MY bathroom.

He said most people don't help.  I found that sad.

Am I blaming this man for my sleep problems?  Absolutely not, but I think the shift in my sleep patterns is a factor.

I'm also taking 4 lithiums a day.  I had some really ugly thoughts before I did that.  I don't want to have hateful, ugly, thoughts.  I really would rather be groggy than a hater.  If I had to point a finger, I'd say that the lithium is probably 90% of my fatigue.

I forgot, I tend to be very tired when I'm at the proper lithium dose.  And this, kids, is why, if God told me to do it, I would absolutely apply for disability.  I don't feel the illness is debilitating, but the medication cocktail absolutely cripples me.

Would I stop?  You know me, I'd rather die than go off my meds.

At this point, God has made it clear, I am NOT to do so.  I'll abide by that.  Besides, I think it is important, in Ron's mind, to "support" me.  I have to say, he does a good job of that these days, both financially, and emotionally.

Sales are still abysmal.  Hopefully we'll have enough to pay me.  I need to get a lithium level and some new glasses (that will take saving, for a few pay periods).  I intend to do the lithium level this time, and save the month of May and get the eye exam and glasses (that might take a few additional pay periods).  I also need to figure out if I have to get my own ticket to my niece's wedding, so I can put that in my budget.

Praise God, I can stop worrying about the bathroom.  It really was as bad as I'd feared, but it's all beautifully restored.   About the only home repair thing I'd really like to get - put the covers over the rest of the soffit holes, maybe I can get the handyman to do that.

I heard something on the roof last night, but I'm pretty certain it was my cat.