I am accountable

I just had, yet another, very disturbing discussion with Ron.  Somehow, he got started on parenting, what might happen if we had kids. 

I can't even type out what he said.  Someone would find us and give him a beating.  The boy is messed up.  Messed up.  He would make the worst father. 

Now, I never wanted kids.  I had a bellyful of toddlers working in the church nursery, you have to watch them every minute (9 months to 3 years).  Kids would have been nice, in the abstract, if I were normal and had some income producing potential, or a husband that could support me in a stay at home Mom position. 

None of that came to pass.  As I listened to Ron share his views, my first thought was "You need therapy" and the second "Thank God you never had kids".  My third "If I ever get pregnant I am giving it up for adoption". 

1.  Ron would be a toxic father. 
2.  I am not equipped for mothering.  My illness gets in the way and I can't drive.  Not to mention money. 
3.  I am accountable for God for how I allow my kids to be raised, and I would want them in a wholesome home.  Currently Ron is in the back room cursing and mocking God.  That, I can talk about.  That's not what I want my kids to learn.  I want them to love and respect God, to value their relationship with him.  I want them to be respected. 

Now, you might say, and I have read "Once you put the baby in his arms everything changes.  He falls in love and everyone lives happily ever after."  I couldn't take a chance on that.  Not with what Ron was saying. 

As I said, I am accountable.

No, I won't talk about it.  As I said, wheelchair nonwithstanding, he would get a beating.