Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Getting manic

Funny, normally I get depressed after a handout.  Getting manic, enough that I got on my own nerves and realized I had to embark on my "getting manic" protocol.

If you're bipolar, talk to doc about it "If I'm getting manic, what do you want me to do?"  My doc says "Catch it before it becomes a big wave."

I was annoyed, because I have all this energy tonight, and I need to go to bed.  Because I've stayed up later, I'll have to get up later tomorrow - boy sleep deprivation will send me right off the cliff!

I was a little mad at myself, like I chose to become manic, and I finally said "Hey!  If I were vomiting right now, what would I do?  Would I be nice to myself?"  The answer, of course, is yes.  So, I'll be kind to myself, remind myself I have a physical illness, and sometimes it isn't a treat even when I don't feel "bad".

Right now, I feel like a drank a whole lot of coffee.

Which led me to something else.  The day I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I presented at the emergency room, a mess.  I was clearly having a mixed episode with rapid cycling.  I was sobbing, and talking 10 million miles an hour.

The technician, who diagnosed me (I wish I could find him and give him a hug), told me I had bipolar disorder.  I was so eager when I found out I could take medication.  He actually laughed, and said he knew I'd do fine.

Then he went looking for Ron, leaving me alone in the exam room.  I had some time to think about the probable reaction - "Your wife is insane".  I knew I'd run like hell.

The tech came back, said I could go.  I went out to the waiting room and found Ron.  He gave me a hug.  I told him "I have bipolar disorder".

"I know" he said kindly, "Let's go get some dinner."

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