The week in review

Well, one way or another I HAD to go back home. 

If I was leaving Ron, I'd have to get my stuff.  All I took was a handful of clothes and some bedding.  [It's very comforting to sleep on MY pillows (a few of them), and under the blanket I made, and I slept quite well on my aunt's floor.]

If I was going back, well, I had to go back, didn't I? 

I doubt I can narrate this properly without sounding as though I need a severe medication adjustment, looking like a complete nit masochist, or even more severely brain-damaged than I am.  A brief timeline ought to suffice:

Sunday night: All the drama, I leave the house and go grab some floor at my aunt's house.  Ron trashes my room before, and after, I leave. 

Monday: Ron is still very beligerent, unrepentant, and has decided that I am the source of everything bad in his life.  He wants a divorce.  He calls adult protective services, tries to resign the business, and doesn't go to work, leaving the other vendor to get his deliveries.  I read "The Nuclear Catastrophe" - a very good post-apocalyptic novel.  My aunt leaves to care for her son, who's just had orthopedic surgery.  My uncle takes me back home Monday night, if for no other reason than to get a few items and see how badly Ron's trashed my room.  Answer: pretty bad.  Space heater thrown across room.  Bag of ant bait - same (I had it near the back door) - while the bag opened up it was in another bag and did not spill.   I evacuate a tray of seedlings and a tray of sprouting seed potatoes.  Clothing thrown everywhere, etc.  It took me a couple of days to find my white noise machine.  Ron makes another trip to the liquor store, buying wine. 

Tuesday: Very upset.  I decide I need to seriously focus on finding God's will.  I do a Dr Pepper fast.  Anyone who has met me knows I am addicted to my Diet Dr Peppers - I am always drinking one.  I can't fast from food or drink due to my medication, but I can drink water for a day instead.  Did that.  Also started reading 'The Stand".   I read about 86% of it, per my Kindle, before I came home.  I decide, if Ron wants a divorce, he can have it.  Ron decides, on his own, maybe I'm not so terrible.  I get a bizarre phone call regarding our upcoming soda delivery.  He wants me to come back.  It is apparent I can't stay on my aunt's floor forever anyway.   Besides, I conclude, if we do split I will have to go back home and start sorting through my stuff.  I resolve to go back, if for no other reason than that - what would I want if Ron and I split? 

Wednesday:  Ron has to go to work by himself.  Boy, does he miss me.  My uncle is out of town, attending a funeral for his sister-in-law's mother.  I'm at my aunt's house, with my cousin, and another cousin's daughter.  Ron wonders if I am coming home. 

Thursday: My aunt is back and town, and my uncle.  I go back.  Boy, my room is trashed.  I still can't find my MP3 player.  Pretty pissed about that.  Start cleaning up and sleep in my own bed.  Ron avoids me.  I let him stew.  My garden looks great, all the Sugar Snap Peas are up, and the fava beans.  We got enough rain while I was gone to keep the plants happy. 

Friday:  Up early, go to work.  It was apparent, while working, that I could manage quite well without Ron.  I fixed a couple of naughty vending machines with God's help.  One of the microwaves is dead, but they aren't "ours" anyway.  I stocked everything I could, decorated the machines, made Ron wear the elf hat, and put on my "Merry Christmas" Santa Hat.  The customers like it. 

Today: Up early, went to Walmart.  Walmart was dead.  Couldn't make my deposit, forgot about that.  Got some essentials, and some more decorations for the vending machines.  Rain, and lots of it, thank God.  We really need some rain.  Catching up on laundry, watching disaster movies. 

That's it for this week. 

It would be really easy to tear myself up with worry about everything in the world.  I'm not going to allow myself to do that. 

I'm battling a nasty depression, so dealing with all that and the fatigue that comes with a properly medicated depression.  I haven't even taken my shower yet.  Just no energy; I'll drag myself in there but it feels a lot harder than it is. 

I'll just hang in there. 

Regarding Ron: I believe God will convict him.  If he gets awful again I'll leave (not my aunt though), and stay gone until he can act like a human being.