Saturday, September 5, 2009

It all goes back to bad DNA and my disability

I was out for a bit with a finger injury. I have the dubious track record of two "avulsions" in one month - completely ripping of bits of skin, bleeding like a "mofo" and enduring the healing process. It was very fun trying to keep the steroid cream off the last one.

Anyway, I told Ron, it was just a bad month. I'm healing. I'm going to have some ugly scars. Not happy about that at all!

Part of me thinks I should try to eradicate them, upping my vitamin E intake and buying that "Mederma" cream - but I'd have to wait on the cream until I stop using the steroid stuff. I still need to use that daily, but not the 3x a day I needed.

The other side says, well, just wait and see. My husband is blind and the worst of the scars are on the backs of my upper thighs. I don't think a stranger would ever see them - I dress pretty modestly. I use the old high school rule, a couple of inches above my knees. Any more than that and I will only wear it around the house.

But I look at the mottled skin; I'm sad, I'm ANGRY. At whom? I couldn't tell you. My doctor? He didn't do anything wrong. Forest Pharmaceuticals? Well, they have fishy marketing but I assume they use good manufacturing practices. If they didn't, I saved the bottle. If the FDA wants it they'll get it. The Pharmacist? She's a wonderful lady who exhibited genuine horror at my condition. It's not her fault.

No, it goes back to Bad DNA and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. There's no way to know if I'd be "safe" with Lexapro. I tell people, Monday I was fine, Tuesday I'm allergic. I could have hit my head when I fell at work - I didn't. I could have fallen OFF the dock, I didn't. I didn't know the half of it when I told my companion "It's my medication". It is... which goes back to my condition.

I have a condition. It could kill me if I don't take my meds. It could kill me if I do!

As my husband says, sometimes you just gotta suck it up.

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