Saturday

Readership is dropping, but since I'm noncommercial it doesn't matter. 

Woke up, depressed.  Did my shower, God Time later.  We went to the warehouse. 

I got a cartload of drinks, and a few snacks.  Snacks have been pretty slow lately.  I had to stock some snickers today but that was about it. 

Everything just felt so hard.  That's the thing I hate most about walking around depressed. 

But, God forbid, if I had accepted disability (payments), I wouldn't "have" to work.  I'd be a wreck.  I doubt I would shower for days. 

I chose not to file for disability when I was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and 15 years later when I was diagnosed bipolar.  One, Ron supports me.  I've always felt those in true need should take disability payments - those completely unable to support themselves, in danger of becoming homeless.  That's my perspective.  I'm not going to tell you what to do even if I had the right.  Two, there's only so much money in the system, so I want to "give" it to those truly in need.   

So, for me, a "stay at home" check would be the worst thing ever.  Working sucks when I'm depressed, because everything is just so mentally hard.  But I need to have work - something to force me out of bed, to get me in the shower, and moving. 

I had no problem unloading the truck, physically.  It was just the thought of doing it.  Then the thought of hours of work after that... made me want to hide under my bed. 

I guess that's a "normal" thing too. 

I got it all done, though.  Since snacks looked OK I mainly focused on the food machines, and helping Ron.  They really love my K-cup kits - a cream and sugar packet, in a cup, with a K-cup for use in the brewer.  It's a lot better tasting and more reliable than the coffee vending machine. 

However, it's a lot of work making up those cups so I did that for a bit.  I also organized the stockroom.  I have a very early morning delivery on Monday morning.  I want to make that as simple as possible. 

I did what I could. 

We had a great ride home.  I hardly sat down in my folding chair (no bus stop at work yet), when the ride arrived.  No drama, just a very nice young man. 

I even managed a nap.  The dog behind us was barking a fair amount but I did get some rest.  They put it up at night, so props on that. 

After I got up I did my God Time.  The party machine at #19 started up, but turned it off after Ron called the police. 

Thank God they did turn it off.  And the police, for coming out. 

Then I did up some Halloween candy, basically a full sized Snickers, a couple mini chocolate bars, some hard candy, gum, taffy, and assorted hard candy.

I did 48, of 150.  I plan to do a third a day. 

Torbie's been cute and adorable.  She's curled up on my desk right in front of my monitor right now.