Approach

I get various reactions when I share my problems - ie - Ron's drinking, blackouts, and verbal abuse. 

Close family are sympathetic, and one offered to send Ron to rehab.   They're praying for him. 

Blog readers tend to get livid.  One gives me dire warnings about Ron's short life expectancy.  Thanks, I know that. 

One day I had to go to work on my own, paying with my own money for a taxi.  I paid myself back at work but I was pretty irate that Ron was sleeping while I busted my tail after no sleep. 

So, when one of the customers asked me about Ron, I told the truth "He's still drunk".   The guys (a couple of them) thought that was "so cool" and applauded. 

Yeaaagh. 

I knew one guy was pretty judgemental, but he and I were online friends.  I sent him to a good church.  Imagine my shock when he showed up at the house one day saying I had to "stop exposing" Ron online, and Ron had to stop verbally abusing me because it was making me depressed.

I left that encounter very frustrated.  For one, I get depressed on some very happy occasions.  I get depressed on vacation.  I got depressed on my wedding day (and I was very happy about it).  I get depressed on payday, and I even get to keep most of my pay.  I just get depressed - it's part of my illness.

I don't believe Ron "makes" me more depressed.  I believe the sleep deprivation can aggravate my illness, and amplify my current mood, whatever it is at the time.  Currently I'm in a rare "baseline" normal mood.  

Yes, verbal abuse needs to stop, absolutely.  When sober, Ron is fairly decent in that regard. 

Ron needs to stop all alcohol consumption, absolutely.  However, the way to do that is approaching Ron logically - asking him to weigh the benefits of alcohol versus the liabilities.  Coming at him with an attitude of critical judgement will just get his dander up and he'll probably tell you to f- off. 

Today I approached the issue pretty logically.  I told him there is blood all over the house, other messes that need cleaning, and the kitchen floor is sticky with what I believe to be a mixture of vodka and blood.  I asked him if last night was "worth it", especially since he didn't remember anything.  Was it worth upsetting me and depriving us of our sleep?  No.  Almost getting in Big Trouble with our primary soda vendor?  No, of course not. 

So, I continued, maybe it wasn't worth it.  Ron agreed. 

Maybe it's just 22 years of marriage.  I do know how to approach Ron on important subjects. 

After I got mugged I left him a lighthearted message on his voicemail (he was sleeping it off, yet again), saying "Hey, I got mugged - well, he tried, but I kicked his ass!  Call me!"