Well, apparently I only needed seven and a half hours of sleep last night, up at 3. But I live in a house so I can run the washer, play my music (on a very low volume), etc.
Yesterday a fire ant bit me while I sat at this chair. I went out and inspected, found a huge mound - two of them - on my outside wall. I used the last of the Amdro ant bait to poison them. Then I bought more.
I have been stingy with a lot of purchases, not getting things, making do with what I have, even taking leftovers to work for lunch. But I'm buying the ant bait. Amazon was happy to roll that into the purchase of my compression socks so I will get ant poison and socks all in one order.
I am not losing weight, size is about the same but hips are down half an inch. I am not overly worried, after all if I lose a lot of weight I will have to buy new jeans. Blood work says I am healthy that is all that matters, and I got my new vitamins delivered yesterday.
It is funny but the Walmart generic women's vitamin actually has what I want in a vitamin, so I take those. I take Swanson or Spring Valley vitamins for the rest of my needs. But the WM has 100% iron and a good amount of biotin in addition to basic B's and other things I need. And 200 tablets are only $8 can't beat that.
I have no backup plan I have to take really good care of myself. But thinking back to some of my depressions I am really glad I am pretty well managed these days. I couldn't afford, literally, one of those depressions right about now.
I think I underestimated the stress I was under caring for Ron. I worried constantly. Those worries are pretty much over. I just wonder about cause of death. But he's cremated and at home now. My Dad says they will sprinkle Ron in Huddart County Park on Thursday. Ron loved to hike in that park, that's one of the top places I knew he had to go. Dad has said he is very honored I asked him to help.
Ron is not who Dad wanted for me but I always did better with him around, and Dad had to respect that he made me happy. And at the end of the day I feel like my life was better with him in it.
Sure not looking for someone else right around now. I haven't ruled out someone else "someday" but for now I just want to focus on healing. And I think that is the best perspective.
Come to think the women in my family never remarried. My maternal grandmother, widowed young, never remarried. My paternal grandmother, widowed about my age, never remarried. My mother, widowed (her last husband, my stepfather) never remarried, and was about late 30's when she lost him. But I'm not going to rule it out I enjoyed taking care of a husband. Part of my job overlooks the men's clothing department and I get very nostalgic when I see women shopping for the man in their lives.
But Ron had been training me to live without him for a very long time. I have been getting myself around town for over a year now. I am doing stellar on the bus always very early to work, punch in 5 minutes early every day, punch out on time, out to the bus. I had been doing all the bill paying, etc. monthly reports for the business. I had been doing the actual work as well. Didn't mind, Ron's back was a mess and he couldn't.
Emotionally I think I am doing OK leaning some on my family but they are OK with that.
Things I don't have in my life anymore:
4 hour workday. Uber rides. That's about it.
That's it for now. Should be running errands with my aunt, later.
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