Tuesday and some of Wednesday

 I got the card!  Thank you VERY much!  

I slept OK just depressed today.  Weather didn't help, overcast, some rain.  But not too wet.  

My aunt came and we ran some errands, went to the bank, bought some stuff at the "other" Walmart (not my store), etc.  Checked the mail.  Got the card!  Went out to lunch.  She said my legs look better (I was wearing shorts) more definition.  I chalk that up to walking a lot for public transit + eating better.  It was very familial not pervy.  

Cats are good.  She came back to the house with me and saw Spotty (I think she liked him), Baby Girl and Torbie.  The other two stayed hidden but came out pretty quickly once she left.  We had a good visit.  

I had formerly had a high view of my mortgage company; but they are being difficult about "accepting" the payoff.  Now the insurance company is awesome and once this is all settled I will put up a link!  They did great, sent a few forms and they cut a check just like that.  At least that's the way my aunt tells it, I venture it was a  TAD more difficult.  

She is a really good advocate to navigate all the paperwork, endless phone calls, etc.  Really glad she loves me and willing to help!  And yes she does read on occasion but I have no problem with her reading any of that; it's all true.  

Good to have an ally; hard to find them in this world.  

So I got some more candy to hand out, I was happy about that.  Had a good meal; took my pills when I got home and was fine (I take them with the big meal of the day and a malt and small burger were it).  I didn't even finish the malt.  

Ron's death really changed my eating habits.  Cravings are pretty much non existent, unless I have been outside for some time and I start craving salt.  But I can just put a pinch of salt in some water and handle that.  

My aunt sort of implied I had a big load on my back with Ron alive, drinking, being so dependent.  All true but I tend to minimize the impact and believe it was not that bad.  Probably a defense mechanism.  We'll see how I change over the next year or two.   But things were pretty awful.  I love strongly and everything still couldn't beat that love back - but I did take a lot of arrows.  

That's one reason I am thinking to just "turn it off" and go with agape (love for everyone in a brotherly way) vs. romantic love.  Just stop - no dating, no romance, no worries about stalker guys, etc.  I have some family, I have my cats, I have God, I have some good friends.  That is more than enough.  It has been plenty since Ron died I can't see that changing.  

I mentioned this to my aunt and she said she feels it is a very wise idea to wear my wedding ring, that will deflect any attention.  And I will wear a wedding ring until I'm dead or get raptured because I just don't need THE DRAMA of dating/relationships.  I am terrified I would pick someone else with damage who might have an addiction, verbal abuse issues, etc. I would try to be careful but maybe my love map link is just messed up.  And I don't have time, money, or transportation for the kind of therapy I'd need; the blog is it for me.  And I think I have done OK so far.  

My ring is getting a little looser as I lose weight so I plan to get a ring sizer from Amazon and get a new ring or two (I like the cheap titanium ones, they do some very pretty work with them).  The rings run about $10-20 each so I can play with them.  I think as long as I am wearing A wedding ring (I prefer the wide bands so very easy to spot from a distance but also not an item of value to a bad guy) I will be OK.  I would absolutely love something in rose gold but that would get stolen so quick or create envy at work, can't do that.  I will stick with titanium or tungsten (I am wearing a tungsten ring right now). 

Next day, I weighed myself and down another 5 pounds.  That is really good as my fertile time is about at an end (starting to skip cycles) and menopause is horrible for weight gain I hear.  Like I said, my eating habits are completely different now.  

I am toying with the idea of cheating on my grocery delivery.  Last time they forgot some items and it took me a couple of calls to get through to someone who could do a refund on the items.  I am playing with the idea of going with another company, maybe one with a better reputation for quality and customer service.  Not making any final calls yet but I will think about it.  But then I think overall these guys bring nearly everything I order and they DID issue the refund.  But on the other side they are no longer bringing the 40 pound cases of cat litter which is a problem.  Maybe no one does that, I will have to look.  

I know Chewy delivers 40 pound cases of cat litter, including one in lavender which would be nice.  I will need to look at those reviews though.  

That's it for now, early Wed now so I will be posting later.