Monday

 Slept OK last night, not great but well enough, and did get to sleep in which is a bonus.  I have found that my anxiety over Ron has transferred to anxiety over my job... and other things.  Working on that and ruthless in limiting caffeine.  

Got up, took my shower, did my Bible study.  Texted with my aunt who I will see tomorrow.  She had a lot going on today.  I took it pretty easy, did do some housecleaning.  And laundry.  But I didn't run the dryer once it got hot it always seemed foolish to me to run the clothes dryer and the A/C at the same time.  So I don't.  

I will finish that tonight.  

I do need to try on my "smaller size" jeans and see if any of them fit as some of my black jeans are getting baggy.  I don't like baggy jeans.  

Technically I can wear a long skirt to work if I want but I would worry about sexual assault at the bus stop with that.  Sad but true.  Plus I would have to go buy the skirts.  

So I will do that later.  

I was doing OK (except for anxiety which I find embarrassing to admit but I hope this helps someone).  I took a nap and then got up, watched some over the air TV.  Very nice to save $100 a month on that and I get ION my favorite channel.  Good quality, get the captions, etc. so very happy with my TV.  It was better than I thought.  Antenna was a good move, too.  

So I turn it on and it's NCIS LA.  Not a problem with that.  But then they had a tremendously sad episode where someone died; the next episode the bereaved family member goes on a vengeance fueled rampage torturing and eventually killing the bad guy.  

And that brought up a lot of bad thoughts regarding the man who ran over Ron.  I didn't get my rampage, I had to paste on a fake smile every time I saw him at work.  I didn't see him after Ron died thank God, I am sure he took pains to avoid me, but he is out there a free man driving and free to harm another family.  And that bothers me more than I would like to admit.  

At the very least he should lose his driver's license permanently.  He is not a safe driver.  I used to want to physically harm him.  I will admit to that.  I don't want that (much) anymore but I do want him to lose his license and every day that he lives he has to remember he killed a man with his truck.  I know in some prisons they put a photo of the murder victim in the cell so the inmate has to see what they did every day.  A nice autopsy photo of Ron would be good for that but I will settle for losing his license.  I still hold out hope that will happen.  

It makes me very angry to think of him spending time with his healthy family and riding his motorcycle while I am stuck with an urn.  He got away with it, plain and simple.  I am sure he feels some guilt but HE SHOULD.  No one seems to get that.  

So I had a real mess in my head and I finally thought.  1.  Turn it off.  So I did that.  2.  I hadn't done my prayer time yet so I did that on the couch with the TV off.  That helped a lot.  

But I just need to avoid those revenge fantasy TV shows.  It doesn't help.  

Cup of noodles is still too hot to eat I was craving noodles today so I did that.  I had a protein shake earlier and I always take my vitamins.  

That's it for now.