I am really OK in spite of the dark, depressing post

 Everyone you love is going to die.  Every single one.  

Now, if you are a born again you have some faith that some of your loved ones may be raptured.  Basically, transformed to a heavenly body in an instant without dying.  But the majority I would say are going to die.  

That is really a profound thought to me, today.  My family are all over 60, and nearly all in poor health.  Who is next?  I don't know.  Hopefully not this year.  But they're all going to die.  

I was blissfully ignorant with Ron.  He had an experience when he died in 2003, and one thing he mentioned later on he thought God had told him next time (Ron died) I would be with him.  That did not come to pass.  Failing that I figured Ron would die naturally in his late 80's or 90's like his parents (who made it to that age even in poor health).  He was better off than them, SURELY he would make it at least that long... and boy was I wrong.  The truck accident stole 30 years off his life as far as I'm concerned.  It never even dawned I would only have him into his 60's.  

And I am ashamed to admit I get so envious with the long married couples.  I am stuck at 29 years together, good years, I think.  But I won't get any more here on earth.  

Don't get me wrong I will absolutely see him again.  I believe that.  I had a dream about him the other night, he was in Heaven, didn't know I was watching, and learning to draw flowers.  That is the sort of thing I guess he would do in heaven now that he has 2 good hands and perfect sight.  I am just glad I didn't shout at him in this dream like I did the night he died.  I really was pretty awful to him that night.  Screaming "You're dead!" and telling him to leave me alone.  

I so wish I could get another hug, or kiss him on his head.  But he's in an urn now... 

I just miss him a lot, I feel cheated out of time I had with him; and quality time I should have had with him but couldn't because of his injuries.  Am I sorry I met him?  Absolutely not.  I am just sad and a little resentful today.  

And wondering why I love so many older people in poor health.