"I could deal with the screaming"

Depression's back. 

That means I had about a week long mania.  Not too bad.

The forthcoming month long depression will be miserable, though, especially in winter. 

Facebook is running an ad campaign for some pharmaceutical company "Bipolar disorder?  You've got this!"  GACK. 

No, I don't.  I'm gagging down toxic medication at every turn, suffering horrendous side effects, and battling horrific depressions.  The only thing I've "got" is a dreadful, mortal, illness (an estimated 20-25% commit suicide, that's worse than a lot of cancers).  I have to fight with every fiber of my being every second of every single day. 

This is a lot different from "got this".  "Got this" - an illness, sure, but no big deal.  Let me tell you, my illness is a very big forking deal. 

I don't need some purveyor of toxic, overpriced, most likely fatal side effectual pharmaceuticals to give me a freaking pep talk.  I take my meds, and they keep me functional.  That's the goal. 

Enough. 

So, today, massively depressed, I went to work.  [sigh]  If this is me with the antidepressants I'd hate to see me without. 

Sorry.  I just get pissed off when people trivialize my illness.  It's not gout! 

Happily, I have a doctor who understands my needs.  Someone I knew online went to a county mental health clinic in another state.  Her doctor went on summer vacation.  While he was gone, some whore for a pharmaceutical company came in, took everyone off effective medication, and put them all on some new crap.  They all crashed and burned in spectacular fashion.  Then he left and the "real" doctor had to come back and help them glue the pieces together. 

That's pretty much my worst nightmare right there. 

I also talked to one of my drivers.  I mentioned my illness and he said his wife had gone off her meds while pregnant, and didn't start them up again after she gave birth.  "I could deal with the screaming" he said "But not the physical abuse.  She kept hitting me all the time." 

I emphasized that I was sure she was wonderful, but we need to take our medication daily.  If we don't, we get evil (I do and apparently others too, from what I hear).  

On a positive note, the people behind me have a dog.  It's a hound/pitbull mix.  It looks like a pitbull, howls like a hound.  This morning, as we left, I saw "Daddy" walking the dog.  I haven't heard the dog all day so I assume they are keeping it on the house, nice and warm (we will get into the 20's with a nasty wind chill tonight).  Good. 

I am not a fan of dogs, I hate the barking.  I don't like them jumping on me, either.  But I want good things for them, plenty to eat, sterilization, a loving home. 

We went to work, did our jobs, but we didn't have enough time.  I am also nearly out of crackers.  Out of all the merchandise, I'm almost out of crackers?   So, we need to run to the warehouse first, tomorrow, and then to work. 

We will have a longer day at work, Wednesday, so it won't be too long tomorrow. 

I did get home in time to watch some Supernatural, then I took a nap. 

When I'm depressed I generally don't have trouble sleeping, especially after I take my medication.  I got a pretty good little nap, then got up and did my God Time. 

After I got up, I even managed to strip the bedding and throw it in the laundry.  It's been a while since I washed the sheets. 

I like the layer arrangement of blankets so I kept them intact (they are clean, having just been brought out of storage), rolled up off to the side.  When I get the sheets back on the bed I can unroll the blankets. 

The weather is really cold so I shouldn't have any neighbor drama the next couple days - actually about a week, because we are estimated to get rain when the cold does clear out. 

I still wish I could get a cat to sleep with me.  I sleep so well with a cat in the bed.