"Explicit Descriptions"

"How can he have porn issues?"  People have asked, baffled. "He's blind". 

Let me tell you about the State Library for the Blind.  They have books on "tape" - some on old style cassette tapes, some on the more modern "digital" "tape" - actually a USB drive that plugs into the digital reader. 

The books are available in all formats, Bibles, children's books, nature, biography, and best-sellers with "Explicit Descriptions of Sex".   From what I have heard, these books are very popular, and not for the plot line.  [queasy face] 

Ron has had an on again, off again, interest in these books.  He has been very "into" them as he has attempted to cut back on the alcohol.  Apparently, "reading" a book is not an addiction.  Note that. 

Sunday he left the digital talking book machine in a vehicle.  Why he thought to take that thing to church, I'll never know.  It would have been incredibly rude for him to "read his book" (actually reading it and not the other of course) anywhere around church, but he brought it anyway.  He drags it around like a stuffed animal. 

He has left it in vehicles before, and they brought it back to him, but this time they said he had to go downtown.  After several phone calls, and a couple tantrums after hanging up, he's accepted that. 

I told him I would (give up most of my day off and) go with him, because he can't go alone.  He can't really go anywhere without me, being blind and in the wheelchair. 

While I hate the porn issue, I understand Ron is addicted, plain and simple, and is substituting one for another.  He has to, on his own, address the underlying issues that drive these addictions. 

Why do I say he is addicted?  Well, Ron knows, for me, it is VERY important to get enough sleep.  Last night a neighbor was playing some music, not loud, but I had to basically train myself to accept the music existed and it was OK to sleep.  I finally dropped off and I heard Ron banging on the buttons of his old cassette machine (which had a "juicy" Nora Roberts novel).  He would stop, rewind, play, stop... ugh.  I'm going to get queasy.  I think you get the idea. 

It made a tremendous amount of racket.  I was a little hurt.  He knows I'm trying to sleep.  It's more important to [censored] than to let me sleep?  I have to lie here and listen to the racket until he's "done"? 

I was hurt and a little nauseated.  I called across the hall to remind Ron I was sleeping.  He said OK and kept doing it.  I waited a few minutes.  Maybe he'd "finish". 

No. 

I finally got up and said "You woke me up and you're keeping me up.  I'm going to shut your door."  I had to shove the wheelchair out of the way to do that.  Ron got very angry and started cursing at me.  I'm sure he saw me as a controlling fun-killer. 

I believe this indicates an addictive issue.  A "normal" person who was just reading for fun wouldn't have reacted like that.  

While I find it upsetting, I'm not going to police him.  He has to account to God.  I just wanted to sleep. 

I finally did fall asleep, and stayed asleep. 

This morning I got up with a headache, late.  I was "over" what Ron had done because he has made noise other times, without "that" and gotten an attitude when I told him I had to sleep.  I can't carry my gripes around - that's why I have my blog [grin].  I saw a beautiful sunrise through the bathroom window, showered, and took my medication. 

I opened Ron's door.  My cat, in the yard, saw me in Ron's room and jumped on the garbage can outside his window, seeking entrance. 

I said a cheery good morning.  He sarcastically replied I was "waking him up" and I "had to let him sleep". 

OK.  Ugly.  Mocking me.  I had the window open for the cat.  She stuck her head in, felt the energy, and went right back out again!  I didn't blame her!  I would have gone out the window too! 

I hate that when Ron is ugly to me, it affects the cats.  I signed up for this but they are innocent.  I left the room, Ron shouting at me to "shut the door". 

Fine.  [rolleyes]   You think he'd be nicer to the person who is going to help him get his digital machine back.  I'm not going to hold it over him but 766666666666  {Torbie says hi}

I'm not going to hold it over him or play martyr.  I will just act as God would want me to. 

You think he would understand that I never wake him up, and the few times I have I immediately APOLOGIZED and took action to make sure Ron could sleep. 

But that's part of the Christian life.  I have to run my own life.  I'm not to repay evil for evil.  I'm to focus on God, pleasing God, and doing what makes God happy. 

God will deal with Ron.