Brain Fart

After Ron's accident, I tearfully told my aunt I knew my life would be, ever after, separated into Before and After.   She agreed.

3 years later, I developed a new Before (medication and diagnosis) and After.  Praise God, oh, I was living in hell.

I remember the old depressions.  I couldn't work.  I'd go to work with Ron and sit in the stockroom, staring at nothing.  I ached with constant mental and physical pain.  I was nauseous.  I had stomach cramps so bad I'd go to the ER.  I lacked an appetite, and any interest in life.  I wanted to die, every minute, of the day.

From the start, the lithium did a good job of taking the edge off.  SSRI's (the frontline drug of choice) worked OK, but I was constantly exhausted.  I got a bad taste of the Old Days when I had to discontinue the SSRI's due to a nearly fatal allergy.

Doc and I got me started on Wellbutrin (an SNRI), and I got to my antidepressant better place.  Times like this, you can't accuse me of "happy", but God knows it is better than before.

I hate this, but I remember - it was far, far, worse.

That's why it kills me when I see online friends who don't get help for depression.  You'll still hurt, but you won't suffer!  You will see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's the sun, not an oncoming train.  You'll hang in there, knowing it's just "a brain fart" (thanks to my husband for the phrasing).

I tend to have mixed depressions, but not this time.  I guess that is a good thing.  I suppose I can ask Doc when I see him in August.

It's just odd, I have a day off tomorrow, and it took me forever to figure out what I wanted to do (find a dress to wear to a wedding, in September).  I have money in my account (about half a weeks' pay) and no desire to spend it.  I have so many things I could be doing and no energy to do them.

And, damnit, the nausea is back!  ACK!

You heard it in 2001 - never forget.  I won't.  This is kitty litter compared to what I used to endure.