I still believe in evil.

I'm not angry, just disappointed on a couple of levels.

Last night, the neighbors had a party.  A very LOUD party.  It went on until after 2 AM.

I've noticed, when I have something "spiritual" planned, I always encounter obstacles.  Say, I plan to get up early, before work (my plan every day) and do my God time.  I'll have a lot of trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and general poor sleep.  Morning comes, and the last thing I want to do is get up!

Unfortunately, a lot of times the Bad Guys win, and I hit the snooze button with an apology to Jesus.  I may, eventually, get up in time to have my God Time, or I may not.

Bible Handouts - it seems like something always happens before the Bible Handout.  I think, once, in all my handouts, I got one good night of sleep before the handout.  This was before I switched to afternoon handouts.  I might have transportation difficulties, getting back home to do the handout.  Ron might be sick, and I have to use my handcart instead.

So, I believe that Bad Things do whatever they can to slow me down.  Bad Things, you may ask.  Really, Heather?  I thought you took your medication!

Oh, I did.  But I still believe in evil.  I don't believe in "coincidence".

I may have a unique perspective on that, having had the mental illness.  I absolutely believe, at my worst, I had demons oppressing me.  I can practically hear myself getting deleted from bookmarks as I type.  I experienced a horrible darkness I only experienced in certain parts of San Francisco - an oppressive spiritual heaviness that always made me want to run.

Can you imagine how we'd live our lives if we could actually see Bad Things - evil, supernatural, beings?  I imagine we'd live our lives far differently.

On some level, I believe all of us can feel them.  Prayer runs them off.  Praising God, if you're the type.  I also like to play some of my Jesus Metal or Jesus Rap.  According to Ron, that would run anything off!

So, what does this have to do with my disappointment?

First, I have to explain.  Ron is very, physically, disabled.  He qualifies for paratransit, which, when cut to the bone, is essentially "shared rides for people who can't ride the bus".  Have you ever ridden one of those airport shuttle buses?  They drove around picking up various people, and dropping them off?  That's paratransit.

Ron qualifies because he cannot ride the bus, by himself.  He can't get to the bus stop by himself.  He can't board the bus.  I, on the other hand, can ride the bus.  I applied for paratransit, was declined (I was fine with that) and given a disabled bus pass.  When my old one got near expiration, the bus company mailed me a new one that doesn't expire for years.

So, I can ride the bus.  Ron can't.  Because Ron has paratransit, we have a greater scope and flexibility. I will, rarely, take him in the wheelchair, on the bus, but it's difficult.

Important note: Ron has the transport.  I don't.  So, after the party last night, Ron decided he didn't want to go to church.

I told him it was important to me.  I think he might have gone anyway, until he called and found out paratransit would drop us off, over an hour early, like they did last week.  Remember what I said about Bad Things and "spiritual activity"?  Messing up our rides, when we're going to church, is a good example.

Agh.

Ron balked.  He said, no.  I thought, I'll go anyway.  However, the bus doesn't go as far as paratransit and our ride wasn't able to come "out" that far.  AGH.

So, I'm at home today.  I'm disappointed.  I wish Ron were more eager to go to church, no matter what.  I worry Bad Things will continue to mess things up - screwing with our sleep on Saturday nights, making difficult trips on Sunday morning, and just aggravating us as much as they can.  I worry that staying home, means they "won".

I hate it when Bad Things win.