Underwear reality adjustment

Today I went for a run, walked home, and lifted weights in the garage. I felt very comfortable in my outfit and didn't really think about what I was wearing.

I took a shower, and, as I was undressing, I realized I was wearing my smaller size underwear. I had bought a new pack and considered wearing it, but they always looked too small for me. "They'll cut into me, they'll dig, they won't be comfortable." Tell that to me when I was picking a 30 pound barbell off the floor this morning, I spontaneously did a few "Good Morning" back exercises with the barbell. I would have noticed any binding.

I can accept that I've gone down 2 bra "band sizes", 2 t-shirt sizes, and 3 pant sizes. For some reason, though, I can't wrap my head around the fact that my body will fit into that underwear. I wear the old size day after day, enduring wedgies, ride-up, and the constant need to re-adjust. My head is just stuck on the old size.

I'm not quite able to throw them all out, but once I finish this entry I'm going to bag them up and stuff them in the computer room closet. All I'll allow myself are smaller-sized underwear. I'm sure, that like now, I'll feel very comfortable and relaxed. I'll stop doing double takes when I go to put this skinny garmet on my body, and accept the fact that, YES, my hips will fit quite comfortably.

Amazing.

I had to take two days off (working out) due to aches and pains. I don't want to be one of those people I don't respect, who keep running and working out on an injury until they've totally crippled themselves. Not to mention, my job requires a good amount of physical activity.

Anyway, today was a busy day. Case in point, I just had to put a load of clothes in the dryer. I went to work, went to the grocery store, came home, took a nap, woke up, mowed the yard (took about an hour), worked out, fired up the BBQ, made Ron some cheddar burgers, and ate some bacon for dinner. No wonder I'm tired.

We do have tomorrow off, so that means I can catch up on housework, gardening, and weed-whacking the backyard. I plan to run and lift some weights (upper body) for fun. Really, it is. Today I did squats and deadlifts, and I'm sure my back, butt, and legs are going to let me know it tomorrow. I don't mind a little soreness the next day, at least I know I did some good.

Last week, my thighs were in agony after my powerlifting. Good, build up some muscle, burn some fat. I'm eating plenty of protein so I don't have to worry about that.

I was running a little depressed today until I took a B-50. I do better when I take them. I don't like to take them everyday because they're not balanced, but I'm not averse to taking a B-50 now and then when I'm running depressed. I also made sure to take my minerals Cal-Mag-Zinc.

I bought a couple of the commercial low-carb nutrition bars today. I was caught at the grocery store and the only ready-to-eat meat available was chicken. Normally, I hate chicken. I only seem to crave it when I'm PMS'd. I didn't really think my meal choices through when I was packing my lunch, so I got the nutrition bar. I've been skeptical of them in the past because I believed they stalled me on the weight loss, but they didn't knock me out of ketosis today.

I certainly engaged in enough physical activity to burn off any extra carbohydrates. One hour of lawnmowing, and 15 minutes of weightlifting will do it. If I seem to tolerate them alright, then I may eat one or two a week. I got in the bad habit (before) of eating a couple of the bars a day and then wondering why my weight loss stalled.

I still plan to consume most of my food as "real food". Another good thing I did today will help me transition away from the diet sodas. I bought some canned flavored seltzer water. It's just carbonated water and some flavoring, no artificial anything added. I didn't like the first can. The second can was OK. But by the time I hit the 3rd can I was happy. It's got a nice flavor, bubbles, and it comes in a familiar aluminum can. I can't seem to go from straight soda to straight tap water, this will be a nice little stop on the road. It's got bubbles, I'm happy.

Tomorrow Ron wants me to install some computer software and we're going to Wendy's for lunch, we'll see how it works with the other stuff I need to do. I'm going to try to be very nice to myself.

Oh, my weight loss has stalled but I lost an inch off my butt last week, and about an inch off my ribcage this week. I'm happy. Don't forget, if you're doing low-carb, to measure as well as weigh yourself in the morning.

I love my present

Ron recently did something nice for himself and bought a modest set of speakers for his computer. A few days ago, he told me he wanted to spend an equal amount of money on me. Nice. What would I like?

I thought and thought. I like this about me, I'm content with my lot. I don't need much. I don't even want all that much now that I'm properly medicated.

I finally told him: A dumbell rack and plate tree. I have dumbells ranging from 1 pound to 25 pounds. They clutter up the floor and are great items to trip over when you're in a hurry. In the gym (garage) they attract spider webs if I don't use them enough. I looked online. The cheapest ones were about $70. Ouch.

I also need a plate tree. I have large, heavy, metal plates that go on my barbells and dumbells. They range from one pound all the way up to 25 pounds. They take up even more room and are especially dangerous to unclad toes. That's not good.

So, Ron's thrilled. I want organizational tools (I am messy). I want fitness equipment so I can get healthy. His question? How much. It looked like, off the internet, I was looking at about $150. Ouch.

We went to Academy Sporting goods. I found a dumbell rack for $30 and a plate tree for a little over $30 - it's Olympic and will hold my large plates (the little plates can go on bars mounted on the side of my large exercise thing). Ron said, you can spend more. I'll tell you when to stop. I looked at the clothes. Horizontal striped t-shirts - horrible horizontal stripes. Cute workout gear but I've got cute gear at home. I'm also losing weight so it's pointless to buy more. When I go down another size, I can buy more at Walmart.

Sport bras. Got 'em. I might get another one on Monday at Walmart.

I'm looking and looking. The only thing I could find that really interested me was a 12 pack of headbands (sweatbands). I hate it when sweat drips into my eyes during a workout. Ick. I got a 12 pack of black, and singles of blue and red. I'm good.

"Is that it?" Yes, it is. I'm very happy with my new toys. They're going to make my workouts so easy!

I assembled them today while Ron's at work. He's going to help tighten everything up when he gets home. It's easy, he says. Easy for him!

Today is a nice relaxing day off. I slept as late as I wanted, and the only things planned are cooking up some cube steaks in the fridge, doing some dishes, and my workout.

I also lost half an inch off of both my hips and waist (overnight). Yeee-haw. In addition to that, I've lost another inch off my hips alone. If I lose a half an inch off my waist, I'll be a size 18.

I also lost 2.5 pounds overnight. Certain times are really fun for me. It's like, getting my accrued weight loss for the last couple weeks all at once. I'm going to be very careful what I eat today so I don't screw this up.

"It doesn't take much to be an asshole"

"There's a fine line," Ron expounded "Between being a decent human being and an asshole." Yes, I agreed. Our new speakers are FINE, but no doubt they could cause all our neighbors to hate us. Who wouldn't love Huey Lewis' "I Want a New Drug" cranked at ear-bleeding levels, or Ron's personal anthem "Leave this long-haired country boy alone", accompanied by thumping bass line?

Ron went outside in the midst of our, dare I call it "concert" and discovered that "I sound just like that asshole on the other street, the one we always end up calling the cops on. There's really a fine line between being a decent human being and an asshole. If they don't call the cops on me, they'll come and steal it."

IFC ran a great little film clip recently: "Let's Wake Up the Neighbors". You can find it on YouTube or just google it like I did. It is absolutely hysterical. So true.

Your fine music is unspeakably annoying to at least one of your neighbors. I always wanted to get a bagpipe CD. I'm one of the only people I know who enjoys bagpipes. If you go back far enough, I have some Scottish ancestry. Maybe that's it. But everyone else would rather undergo a root canal than listen to "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. Especially ignorant people. Hence, my idea: when people who lived near us played their annoying music, we'd play the bagpipes until they turned it down.

"We'll get shot" Ron claimed. I never had the nerve to put his theory to the test.

Week 8 - minus 23 pounds

Well, here I am at week 8 on Atkins.

Yesterday, I had to ride with a blind (diabetic) woman who kept begging for a candy bar. I referred to it as "disgusting" on a message board and upset someone. I'm sorry, but watching someone who's gone blind from sugar addiction having to ride the paratransit system and still begging for a candy bar is disgusting. The intensity...the persistence...the attitude when I said no... the attempted guilt trip (I didn't buy a ticket) when she realized I meant no...was very offensive. Then she tried to ask a bunch of nosy questions which we refused to answer.

Ron used to work in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco. It is probably one of the worst cities in the US for homeless beggars/drug addicts. Even they couldn't hold a candle to this woman. UGH. I'm not sorry I called it disgusting. God tried to wake her up and she missed it. Now she's blind, feeding her sugar addiction - not on her own, but trying to sponge off of other, hard-working people who contribute to society instead of taking from it. Whooo. She'd really find that upsetting. It's how I feel, though.

It takes one to know one - I'm a sugar addict. I know it. So I avoid the stuff. I went through sugar withdrawal. It was ugly. I feel a thousand times better for doing it. I work in vending, surrounded by sugar and salty treats. I have to smell the candy as I put it into the machine. I have to touch it. I have to listen to the crinkly wrapper sound. I resist, I know I'd better or I'm going to end up as one of those one-legged, 400 pound women in a wheelchair that I see periodically.

I've got to be tough. Today was a good example. I was pretty tired and when I got up, pretty sore. I rode to work with a guy who probably weighs between 350 and 400 pounds. He's heavy enough that he has trouble fitting into his cab. We got to talking about Atkins. He seems really interested and wrote "Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution" down so he can get it after work. He is serious and committed to the idea of losing weight for his health. I think he'll do it. I told him "I hope you're half the man you are now when I see you again!" He laughed and agreed.

We used to ride with another driver who weighed about the same. I haven't seen him in ages. I hope he's OK. He was a young man.

When we got to work, I put in the snickers bars that caused all the excitement yesterday. Snacks are slow - a nice change, I only had to put in about a dozen bags of chips. A lot of running around and helping Ron, clearing off a pallet, and getting the milk order. Time to go to Walmart. We rode with a blind lady who turned around in her seat and stared at me (I guess she has some vision) when I was telling the driver about other drivers, who, when I was fat, would make comments like:
Gee, you're so big now. What happened?
You used to look so good. What happened?
Boy, you got fat!
No, ma'am, I won't let you lift that. You're expecting.

But now that I've lost 23 pounds, it's funny now. I brought up Atkins again (I'm a little ambassador of sorts). We went to Walmart, I got cube steaks and such, came home. The driver who brought us home said she loves getting our trips. That always makes my day. I want to be the client they're happy to pick up.

I was really sore by now - I will be taking some asprin when I finish this, and I took a nap. When I got up, I was craving sugar big-time. I was about to type "Thank God I don't have any sugar in the house" when I realized I do, in fact, have a 48 count case of snickers on the couch. Let's have a laugh together. I want a sweet. I'm walking right past the candy bars, never seeing them. So, I wanted a sweet. I decided to experiment with some protein powder, some fluid heavy whipping cream, and my mixer. OOOOOH it was so good and the first bite or two totally SLEW my cravings. I'm very pleased with myself.

Time to go throw some clothes in the dryer. I hope you're having a good one. I'm glad today is an off day for workouts. The humidity is brutal!

I'm proud of myself today

I accomplished a lot today. We went to work, filled the machines, got the sandwich order, ran the money to deposit, went to the bank, made the deposit, went to the mall and ate an early lunch. I had a bunless double hamburger and a side salad. Why is it, that when I specifically say "I don't want the bread." I get it anyway? I always end up throwing it away. I'm trying to save them a little money on their food cost. Ron ate chili.

Today I'd planned as "Powerlifting Day". Powerlifting consists of 3 moves, the deadlift (picking a barbell up off the floor and bringing it to waist level), the squat (squatting down with a barbell across the shoulders until the thighs are roughly horizontal), and the chest press (lying on a bench, you raise the bar up and down from arm's length to just above the chest). The workout doesn't take much time, but it takes every ounce of energy I've got. Forget the super-duper workout routine, the DVD's, the special gadgets, and the pills, if you want to tighten everything up then powerlifting is your move (pardon the pun). Everything I want toned, abs, thighs (especially inner), butt - oh, the whole butt screams the next day - everything gets a good workout in less than half an hour. I do 3 sets of each.

Since I had that planned, I wanted a treat to give myself later. I found some deeply discounted egg white protein powder. I like the brand, and I like the flavor. I bought it. I planned to maybe add a little coconut oil to it later, but I changed my mind (more later). I got Ron his Olive Leaf, and myself a nice bar of Dr Bronners rose soap. It is a lovely soap and very girly.

After the mall, protein powder sticking out of my tote bag, we went to Sam's Club. I bought the things we needed for work and then I saw it - a quart of heavy whipping cream. I could mix that with my protein powder (which has no fat - I need fat and protein together). I got it.

I won't bore you with the details, but we had a hell trip home. UGH. The highlight: I'm getting on the van. A partially blind diabetic woman sitting in the front seat goes "Oh, Snickers! I love Snickers! Can I have one?" She is holding a glucose meter in her lap. I told her no, they were for work. "Oh, you sell them? How much?" I told her I wouldn't sell her one because "If I opened the box, they'll all fall out". The honest truth, if your sugar addiction is BLINDING you maybe you should cut back on the CANDY BARS! HUH? I didn't say it. Oh, it was awful.

Eventually, I came home. Ron went off to Starbucks. I took a nap. 2 hours later, I woke up. I didn't want to powerlift. I'm tired. It was a long day. I get dressed anyway and go out there.

Half an hour later, I am shaking like a newborn kitten. I can hardly take a drink of water. I feel great, though. I came in the house and tried my protein shake: 2 ounces heavy cream, 6 ounces water, 1 scoop protein powder. Blend. Add a couple of ice cubes. Blend a little more. Suck it down greedily, feeling like a little kid eating a forbidden treat. It was DELICIOUS.

I plan to use that as my post-workout treat. The powder has a small amount of carbohydrate from the eggs, cocoa, and splenda. 2 Grams. The heavy cream has at least a couple more. Let me look. 2 grams. I feel OK getting 4 grams of carbs right after a workout. My muscles will gobble that up in no time. I really had a blast, and like I said earlier, everything I want toned is screaming at me. I already took a pre-emptive asprin.

Ron came home and gave me some bacon to snack on while I fixed dinner. I finally got out in the garden and had a lot of fun harvesting. My "Dragon's Tongue" beans, from 3 year old seed, are very productive. I also picked the first "Royal Burgundy" - a vivid purple. I ate one out in the garden and gave Ron a bite. I also ate my first "Big Tomato". The flavor isn't that remarkable but the plant is incredibly productive. I have a small scale so I weighed the one I ate - 2 ounces. My pole beans are vining, everything looks very happy. I need to get out there and water tomorrow.

Then I did all the dishes, boy we had a lot, and took a nice relaxing bath/shower. I did a lot today.

I did something smart today

We got up early and went in to work. The Postal Workers were delighted to see us, at work, early, on a Sunday. We plan to continue going in Sundays. We normally take a Wednesday and a Saturday off anyway, and we needed to stock.

I've been eating clean (finally got rid of the last of the whipped cream, thank God) and I was rewarded by a small drop in my bloat weight. I go up a few pounds right before my period and I managed to lose some of that, on top of the 4 pounds I lost last week (which is unheard of with my body). I'm happy.

Yesterday I did a moderate workout on the exercise bike. I tend to favor "interval" workouts, where I go as hard as I can until I'm out of breath, then I drop down. I do that with my running. I realized yesterday that every workout didn't have to be the same. I set it for the 60% heart rate program, and just pedaled away. Things I want to tighten up were a little stiff this morning, so I'm sure it did good (not to mention the drop in the scale weight). My hip measurements are dropping, thank you Jesus.

Today I decided to run, even though I'd run just Friday. I had a great run until I decided to take a sharp curve in the park, going one way and then I doubled back. One of my knees was a tad cranky so I cut my workout short (only 15 minutes running) and walked home. My knee feels happy now, so I know I did the smart thing.

A few days ago, I had to deal with some temptation. I really admire and respect the plant manager, especially when she put out a huge feast of goodies for the postal workers. I saw the tables set up when we went in to work. I didn't even go over to look. I knew it had bad things. It's hard enough resisting the bad things we sell, why torture myself?

I was doing great until a supervisor walked up to me carrying a huge bakery box. Bakery boxes and Induction level Atkins are not compatible. I just lost 4 pounds that week. What was I going to do?

She opened it, displaying cookies and pastries. I said no thanks. She said "It's OK, help yourself". I said no thanks again and mentioned I was doing Atkins. She got it. The guy who was with her asked "What's that" and I told him. He said he was on the diabetic diet and cookies were OK if they were sugarfree. OK, you eat your way, I'll eat mine. I bet I spend a lot less time at the doctor's office (I didn't say this).

I was very happy I resisted temptation. The next time I went to Walmart, I got myself a little dayplanner and a notebook to keep track of my workouts. I also bought a stopwatch. Out of my 15 minute run today, I ran 5 minutes. I'll let you know as I improve.

We've also been riding with this older lady, she must live near us. She's diabetic, and is always going on about how her Diabetes educator tells her to eat a low-fat, low-meat, high-carb diet. It's like, what does she eat? "Oh, I eat Eggbeaters, and no meat at all. We have meetings and they show us all the new sugarfree products". Sad. I bet I'm eating for a lot less than she is, and I'm getting more than adequate protein and complete nutrition. I tried to tell her about Atkins and she just started raving about how it's going to kill us. UUUUGH. I eat a lot better on Atkins than I ever did on the low-fat diet. I'm seldom hungry, either.

Oh, I got these awesome, minimally processed, cheddar cheese sticks from Sargento (at Walmart). Oh, they are delicious. Ron took one bite of my stick and handed me money to go buy a package for him. I ate mine yesterday to see if I could tolerate them. No side effects today (and I ate other cheese products too), so they're on my good list. Yay. I love cheese. I'm just going to get the unprocessed "Unfooled around with" cheeses, and consume them at Induction levels - 3 to 4 ounces a day. I still have 1.25 ounces to play with if I choose.

I already did my cooking for tomorrow - I have a cube steak, some bacon Ron made, and my sausage patties. We ate at Wendy's the other day and I got a great low-carb meal for about $2 - a bunless hamburger and side salad (a tasty one, too). I love it. Salads can be really tricky because I need to eat them with FAT! Salads are percieved as "should be lowfat" so I have to eat them with some kind of greasy meat. Yum.

It's a good thing I already ate before typing this! Have a good one!

I didn't work today, but it was sure busy. I woke up early, 2 pounds lighter. I said "Thank You" to God and went out into the garage. It took me a little while to get my weights settled, but I had a good half hour workout (upper body). After my workout, I had a good breakfast.

Ron woke up about then and we had a trip to Walmart. I needed more dry cat food. It's funny, the cat featured on the bag of cat food looks just like our boys' nemesis. It's hysterical, "Fluffy" the cat on our cat food. Good thing our cats don't know. Fluffy would be insufferable and our boys would be compelled to mete our some ego-reducer.

While I was at Walmart, gloating around in the Misses' sizes, (I decided not to get jeans) I saw some cute "Activewear". I'm a sporty style type, so cute workout gear is always a good bet. I tried to find some online but it was very expensive, I couldn't find anything cute, and I couldn't find anything in my size that I'd wear in public. But at Walmart, I found an adorably cute skort for running, at only $10. The largest size was a 16/18. Would it fit?

I went to the fitting room. I was wearing a sports bra under my tshirt. I undressed. As I looked up, I saw myself naked. Sitting down. In a full-length mirror. Let me tell you, I was so glad I had already eaten a low carb breakfast and done my weight workout. It was horrible. I could see each and every one of the 61 pounds I want to lose quivering in the mirror (and I was still wearing undergarmets). Oh, it was tragic.

I tried on the running outfit and it fit GREAT! It was almost a little loose (let's hear it for vanity sizing, where manufacturers increase the dimensions while keeping the size the same). It's a very cute red and black. I got into next-week's budget to pay for it. At $18 plus tax, it was still far cheaper than the sporting goods store (which doesn't have any running shorts in my size anyway).

I got a cute t-shirt in a Misses XL. It's magenta. Awesome.

Finally, I finished and we left. I've been craving chicken so I bought a rotisserie chicken and ate half of it while waiting on our ride. We went home. I was pretty beat after I put the groceries up so I took a my pills and a nap.

When I woke up, Frosty was camped out in the washing machine. I couldn't do any clothes. I left him there for hours. I did the Vistar (junk food) order. I talked to Ron. I watched TV. I ate more chicken.

Finally, I evicted him half an hour ago. I'm a cruel monster. Yes I am.

VERY insulted

Well, the meeting went fine. It was mainly so the other vendor could get the Plant Manager to make some guarantees about his vending machines [rolleyes]. So why even drag us into it? I didn't appreciate everyone (the two consultants, the other vendor and his wife) giving me the lecture on don't get upset. I TAKE MY PILLS for God's sake. I'm not going to have a hissy fit. I am insulted, to be honest. I was the one who thanked her for putting commercial microwaves into the building, saving us the expense. Everyone else was concerned about their issues. So who behaved better? The one who recognized and appreciated her efforts, or the one who was thinking "Me me me"? But who got the lecture? Who hit the other vendor's wife? Ron? Me? No, the other vendor pushed me once when he was very angry about something, and he prevented me from leaving the hallway. Sounds like HE needs a lecture. But no, old "crazy" gets the lecture. VERY insulting.

I'm glad I have this thing, I didn't realize how angry I was until I started typing. It got better from there. The repairman stood us up.

When we got home, I took a run. We had some contractors working in the park. I was wearing an oversized pink t-shirt, slightly baggy leggings, appropriate garmets, and my running shoes. As I was running, I heard mean-spirited snickers. I was running, I tried to ignore it. Everytime I ran past them, they'd start up with the laughter again. Sick.

I found it less insulting than the lecture this morning, though. That's sad. Besides, they've never run a half marathon. I have. 2004. 3 hours 2 minutes. All the real runners are laughing but I'm a slow runner. My best time was a 12 minute mile.

Happily, the run made it all better. I came home, ate, took my pills, and took a nap with Bubba cat. After I woke up, Ron and I cleaned up the garage. Now I can lift my weights! Yay!

Scraping them off

As advertised, I went to Footlocker today and bought myself 5 cute t-shirts in a size Large, no "X's" at all. I also got a new pair of work shoes in black (not just gray) because they are comfy and I love them. The $10 price tag is just gravy.

We had a lot of running around today (at my request) but I was glad we did it. I went to work, filled the machines, received deliveries, helped Ron, did a "Pull", counted the money, went to the bank, got paid, paid Ron back $10 he loaned me, went to the mall, got t-shirts, got Ron Olive Leaf, ate, went to Sears (and saw NOTHING of interest), went to Walmart, get stuff we needed, discovered they were out of cat food, got the shoes, got my pills, etc. I was pretty beat by the time we got home and took a nap.

Frosty is the most precious cat ever. EVER. He got up on the bed with me and sniffed around at the covers. I held them up (he likes to get underneath, sniff around, and leave). This time, he got completely under the covers, curled up next to me (I was on my side so I was spooning him) and went to sleep. An hour or two later, he came out and left. I've never had a cat do that with me and I was deeply touched. He is such a little lump of sugar. He was even cute for Mom when she came to visit.

Ron had some CD's out in the garage. We crack the garage door so the cats can get in and out. Unfortunately, the wasps can get in and out also. They had camped out on the suitcase holding the CD's, building a huge nest the size of my shoe (and I wear a Men's 9W). Ron was impatient and went out looking for it. Thank God he didn't find it. I went out and poisoned the nest (sorry, I try to be organic but when it comes to stinging things I'm not).

I then scraped the poisoned nest off the suitcase and brought it in the house. I had to clean the suitcase (all the poison), and then I could tell Ron it was "safe". Many hand-washings later (like Pilate) I ate my dinner. Ron just commented that he found Pat Benatar next to Willie Nelson in the case. He's got eclectic tastes.

Tomorrow we have the meet and greet with the Plant Manager. I'll review my Dale Carnagie tonight and figure out what to wear. I'm kind of bloated so I don't think the bermuda shorts would work. Fortunately, I have my trusty 20 Misses with the elastic waist. Not glamorous, but they are a modest length, work-appropriate, and I'll be wearing my fanny pack anyway. I'm just a skeptical cynic. Why is this necessary? I believe in keeping a low profile at work.

It's not my choice, though. I pray we get a late milk delivery so I can receive it.

Property lines

I had a somewhat aggravating afternoon. The neighbor kids don't understand the concept of "Property lines". They have a sidewalk, even, and a park, but no, they must run through my yard to play. It's not really fun unless it's happening in my yard. Ugh.

I was OK with it until I caught the un-leashed dog squatting down to have a bowel movement in my garden bed. I was not happy. I'm also concerned, those boys are very active and what if one of them falls in my yard? Is that "on us"?

Onto happier subjects, I fixed enough food tonight to last a couple days. I even have a couple cooked pork chops in the freezer. I made sure to save some pork chop for Bubba, too.

Squirrel Crossing

Just for fun, I tried on the new bermuda shorts. They fit great, I could have gone for a run in them. I was thrilled, I wore them to work.

Work was fine, but getting home was a nightmare. Our pickup was an hour late. When I got home, Ron went to Starbucks and I went for a run. Just what the doctor ordered.

I do feel a little sorry for the squirrel. He likes to sit on the sidewalk while I'm running through the park. As I approach, he gets a "Squirrel in the headlights" look on his face. He gets alarmed and runs back and forth across the sidewalk. He NEVER gets out of my way. I have to dodge him at least once on every run.

Maybe he's trying to extort me for peanuts.

Ron gave me the day off. Mostly. We went to Walmart and bought him a card table for his computer. While we were there, I grabbed another pair of the size 20 misses shorts. The 18 bermudas looked to be a pretty close size, so I got a pair of them, too. They fit well, but a tad too tight for me to wear them in public. No muffin top, but I could see the line of my underwear.

We had an employee who used to wear clothing 2 sizes too small. She had the "muffin top" of soft white belly fat erupting over the waistband of her clothes, and seams stretched to near-bursting. It was so bad we actually had customers complaining, demanding she wear properly sized clothing. Ron did it. I don't know how, but he had her laughing about it and agreeing to wear more appropriate clothes to work. I don't want people to view me the way I viewed her "God, the poor thing is in total denial about her size. She really thinks she is a size 12."

When my measurements drop another half inch, I'll try them on again. If they look appropriate, I'll wear them. I love bermuda shorts and they are "in" this year. I want to wear them.

In the meantime, I've got 2 pairs total of the size 20 Misses shorts. I just checked the dryer. My poly/cotton black shorts are dry. I figure they'll be good for work, and I can buy a pair in each size down to goal if I want for $20. I might.

After we brought the card table home, we went to Burns' BBQ in Acres Homes. It's not considered a good or safe neighborhood but the BBQ is fantastic, according to Ron. I am avoiding sauced things for now. I have pork chops, cooked hamburger patties, and some sirloin tip steaks in my fridge right now. I've got plenty to eat. I did tease Ron about the bread they gave us. He said no and we gave it to the freind who drove us. Let's hope he uses it to feed some ducks.

I'm hungry and lazy. I'm going to go eat that fried egg that's leftover from breakfast. You take care!

I've shrunk 3 sizes in 6 weeks

I'm down to a size 20 Misses, at least in the Walmart sizes. I'm a "solid" 20 Misses at some companies, and according to my size chart ("American Clothing sizes - Women). However, some stores have various sizes for people. According to Land's End, I'm an 18. No way, that is classic vanity sizing - selling a size 12 as a size 10. Sears has peculiar sizes, much smaller than the other companies. Most companies allot a 10 inch difference between waist and hips (which I maintained as a size 6 teenager, all the way up to size 22W, my biggest ever). They only allocate 9. That means my waist will be loose and my hips will be tight. No thanks.

As a reward, I plan to buy myself a nice pair of bermuda shorts. Walmart doesn't have many size 20 Misses items, I was lucky to find the shorts I purchased. But I can order myself a pair online because I want to and I feel I deserve a treat. I plan to order them online after I get paid Monday.

Anyway, I am totally happy, thrilled, delighted. I finally got a good rest last night and a good nap today. All my pills are onboard and my mood's good.

I drank enough water today. I felt a little bloated (PMS), so I'm brewing up some Essiak tea. It's a gentle detox (not a laxative tea, which causes bloody diarrhea with me), liver and kidney supporting type tea. The ham I had with dinner had sugar in it, and it spiked my blood sugar. I was craving something sweet so I added a licorice spice teabag to the mix. That's got a wonderful flavor and is good for the immune system too. The next time I buy ham, it will have NO ADDED SUGAR. I don't need to sabatoge myself with cravings.

I tripped over my IKEA plastic desk chair when I was fat and cracked it. It cracked a little more the other day. I'm glad I can just get a new seat, in a different color even, for $10.

Priorities after I get paid: budget for psychiatrist visit ($60), buy myself 5 smaller t-shirts at the store - $20, buy bermuda shorts, probably less than $30. Then I split the rest and budget one half for each week until I get paid again. I can eat for cheap.

I'm eating frozen green beans like they're going out of style recently. I'm eating them within my allowances, but I'll be glad when my garden starts producing green beans. Tasty. We had some fresh tomatoes the other night. Boy, they were good. My "Bush Goliath" is loaded with fruit. I hope they taste as good as they look.

Tomorrow when I'm out in the garden I need to cut some collards back. They get pretty wild if I let them. I'll eat some and give some away to our friend at work.

I'm glad I'm already doing lowcarb. I broke a chair today. Specifically, I broke my desk chair from IKEA. It was already cracked, I'd tripped and fallen over it when I was fatter, and when I tried to lean back in my chair it cracked even more. Ooops. Well, I'll get a new one, no big deal. I can still sit in it, if I'm careful.

I sure worked my tail off the last couple days, exercise bike last night, run today, mowing the lawn today, all kinds of work work work. It was nice to have Mom and Dad over for dinner.

They got a kick out of the home-grown salad, my low carb spaghetti, and the yummy desserts (I had a good low carb dessert). It's a little sad to see them because it makes me realize how much time we lost when I was sick. Well, they're still here and they forgave me (amazingly) for all the truly crazy things I said when I was sick.

I don't think I'd be that kind! I guess that's what makes them parents.

The garden looks great, the cats are fine, and I'm working on a new knitting project for Mom and Dad. They want an afghan. Everyone else has one, why not them?

They loved what I've done so far.

Do-it-yourself racing

I'm very proud of myself; I just got off the exercise bike. I have no desire to resume the fanatical workouts of the past, I just did 25 minutes of good effort, plus warmup and cooldown.

I mentioned I already went for a run this weekend, and wasn't half as sore as I thought I'd be. I like the idea of a 20 minute to half hour workout 5 days a week. It's good, it's healthy, and I won't injure myself unless I do something truly stupid. I have good shoes and workout gear.

I thought it might be fun to do a 5K race, but (naturally) no one wants to run in the heat. Ron and I just got back from Galveston, and one of my favorite memories ever is a wonderful run I took along the Seawall. Of course, I didn't do it this time, but we've talked about going back.

Why not make my own 5K? It would be easy to plot out a 5K route along the Seawall, 1.5 miles one way, 3 miles round trip. Get up early in the morning, take my run. I love the idea. It's a lot healthier than eating bad things just because "I can".

By the time we get out to Galveston I ought to be in shape for a 3 mile run.

I want to run

First off, I've had a great time with Mom and Dad here this week. We've had some really fun day trips and it's great to have them around. I sure appreciate them a lot more than I did as a child!

The last couple weeks, it's slowly built... a desire to run. Being ill ruined so many things I loved, crocheting, crafts, my marriage, my relationship with poor Mom and Dad, and my love of fitness - mainly powerlifting and running. I would obsessively perform the activity for hours on end day after day until I crashed into another depression. Or I hurt myself.

But some things about me: I love creating things, I love my job (merchandising/retail sales), I love to garden, and I love running. I'm slow and it isn't pretty no matter what I weigh but I have a good time.

Mom got me an affordable pair of running shoes. She made a wise choice. Today, on my way home from work, I decided to go for a run. I did walk/run intervals with a good warm up and cool down. I was in surprisingly good shape, especially considering I still weigh 208. I had a blast, and I plan to run again on Monday. I envision alternating run/recumbent bike days with a couple days off a week, about a half hour each time. I'm very active on my job so I believe that's "Plenty" of exercise. I'd rather do a little less than a little more and get injured. I didn't have any problems, no dizziness, no ill feelings (I haven't really done any kind of training since I started on my medication). My knees were happy and I feel pleasantly "worked".

I still had my trusty pair of XL capri-length leggings. They fit fine, especially under my 3X men's tshirt (I like it for cooking, cleaning and messy jobs).

Once we clean the wasps out of the garage, I'm going to start powerlifting again. Bench press, squat, deadlift. They get all the major muscle groups in a nice short workout. It helps to have good painkillers on hand for the next day, though.