Have me this way

Pretty tired today, but not depressed.  I think I WOULD be manic, but for medication.

I just don't get those buttheads who say no one should ever take psychiatric medication.  I am certain, sleep aids and anti anxiety drugs are vastly abused and over-used.  People who don't need them, take them, and people who could benefit, over use them.

But take someone like me.  How many blogs have I typed?  "Medication gave me a life I didn't know I could have"?  "I don't care about the side effects, because my husband likes to spend time with me"?  "I don't want to die anymore, isn't it great?"  Or my personal favorite: "I never knew how about the noise in my head, until medication turned it off".

But does Ron feel the same?  Today, at the bank, I had to make a deposit.  I couldn't fill out the deposit slip.  The teller had gotten an attitude when I did my usual "Shove the bank statement with account number along with the deposit, through the window" routine.  Said I HAD to fill out a slip.  After watching me attempt same, she "let" me do it the regular way.

Had she been really ugly, and I wanted to make a point, I could have asked for a manager and requested it as a reasonable accommodation for a disability.  "Livin' in America"

Anyway, I notice a - lack.  My thinking isn't clear, I have a hard time articulating and finding words, and I'm needing that nap every day.  So, I asked Ron, and he said he'd much rather have me this way.

The most telling fact, to me, is the fact that he's choosing to spend more time with me.  Instead of hiding in his room, he comes out, sits in his wheelchair, and talks.  We watched a show about spicy foods tonight, and I fixed him a quesadilla with red pepper flakes.

Happily, before he came to visit, I had enough energy and motivation (mania!) to attempt some housecleaning.  I have a hard time with it due to the brain damage.  I have a hard time figuring out what needs to happen, and how to make it happen.  I ask God for help.

At any rate, I got most of the tile swept, and mopped the kitchen.  I really love tile floors.  They are very easy to clean.

Today we ran a couple of errands, Ron "Came with" on paratransit.  It rained most of the day, at times quite hard, so I was glad of it.  We went to Home Depot, looked around.  I got a nice pocketknife for $5.  We went home and then went to the bank/grocery.

Boy, I hate that grocery.  The only reason I spent any money:  BBQ Vienna sausage, and Dr Pepper were on sale, and some of the Dr Pepper had dust - which means a horribly flat beverage.  They're so bad even I can't drink them.  I was happy to get out.  We got Ron something at Radio Shack; and also got him a fried chicken special.

Speaking of, I had an interesting encounter today.  A driver we know came to get us.  She hadn't seen me in over a year.

The first words out of her mouth as I got in: "You got fat!"

I just looked at her.  I know the script was SUPPOSED to have me getting defensive, denying it, and making excuses.

I just looked at her and said "Yup" .  She gaped at me.

"You got fat!  Did you notice?"

"Yup"

I was supposed to be upset, making excuses.  Maybe even crying a little.  Probably supposed to be angry, too.  I'm sure most would have; but that would have been playing the game.

That's the nice thing about having medication on board.  I don't have to run around, reacting to everything.

I don't play games.  She just started at me for a minute as I took out a Diet Dr Pepper and drank.

"Why did you get fat again?"  Oh, the things I could have said.

"I ate the wrong things".

And I took another drink.  I wasn't any fun at all.  She dropped it.

Like I told Ron, "Some, ignorant, people like to play the 'I'm better than you' game.  They want to make critical, 'helpful' comments.  They want to judge and condemn.  They WANT me to get upset when they make rude comments about my weight.  If I just agree with them it stops the game."

I also told Ron I delayed getting off sugar due to obligations; he needed my help with a lot of various things the last few weeks.  I should be able to cut out the sugar now, have a horrible detox (I always have a horrible time), and get back to lower-carb eating.

I am not happy with my current look.