Keep me useful

It's interesting, in some ways being a homeowner causes me more stress.  Taxes, repairs, and I'm a lot more territorial. 

Example: when I lived in an all bills paid apartment I didn't care about anything outside the walls.  My only concern; my 4 rooms.  I didn't care who'd parked where, people making noise on the walkway outside the apartment, or anything except people looking in my windows. 

Last night, the neighbor's friend had parked partly in front of my house, blocking driveway access and forcing Ron to stagger up the driveway.  Today, someone on the other side has parked in front of my house, on the street.  The kids were outside my bedroom (we have a zero-property line), making god-awful thumping noises (against my wall) and screaming at the top of their lungs. 

I can be very territorial, and God's shown me I need to work on this.  I was looking out the window at the SUV in front of my house, thinking "Why"? 

A little background:  growing up, I received years of therapy.  Most of it, not very useful. 

Suddenly, I was struck with a thought.  "If you don't make any noise they won't play with you".  A thought from 25 years ago - shared by a counselor. 

So, if I can work on my reflex territorialism, and focus on pleasing God instead, maybe praying for the driver of the car and everyone who's ever ridden in it, or will ride in it; I doubt the devil will bother throwing that at me to get me upset. 

I was also struck with the thought: I am a flawed human being.  In no way do I even come close to measuring up to Jesus.  By recognizing and accepting that I can work on my issues, and ask Him to work through me. 

I have asked God to help me with my pride issues, and I think this is one way He does that.  By showing me who I am without Him, he enables me to be a lot more than I am.  I can throw all my flaws at Him and let Him get to work on molding me into the child He sees. 

In the meantime, it's quiet now and Ron ordered me some cheesy bread.  I have a flock of happy sparrows outside the window, fertilizing the red-tips.  Bubba is meowing at the birds (he likes to walk up to them, meowing conversation, until they fly off). 

And I focus, yet again, on pleasing  God and dumping all my ugliness in His lap.  I constantly ask Him to keep me useful.