I can turn it off.

Whew.  I'm pretty beat. 

I left you on Friday.  Friday night all my neighbors had parties, lasting late.  I couldn't figure out why. 

Saturday, the Texans (home team) had a playoff game.  AH!  They won, too. 

That explained the parties.  It also meant, and I lay in bed laughing at myself over this: I would be far to exhausted to stress out over the anniversary of Ron's accident. 

I got up at 4 AM.  Then I went to the store, work, home, other location, food place, pet store (more birdseed), and Starbucks.  By the time I got home, I was exhausted. 

I was also pretty anxious about getting enough sleep.  It's sad, I wonder sometimes if I would be helped by an antianxiety drug; but I hear they are very addictive.  I am not willing to take the chance. 

I was pretty anxious and a feeling a little hostile towards the neighbors.  It does not take much to "break" my mood, I'm ashamed to admit. 

I was feeling very petty and vengeful  Friday morning, when we had our 6 AM pickup.  I really hoped the driver honked several times, loudly, and gave the neighbor a taste of someone messing with his sleep. 

I told myself I was better than that, and chose to turn it off.  I thought, instead, that I would leave it in God's hands and do whatever I needed to be ready on time. 

I turned on the porch light, etc.  The driver pulled up, did not honk.  However, after we had loaded, the driver had to back up.  The cab has a backup beep.  So, the neighbor got to realize, without us saying a word "Hey, we had to leave at 6 AM the next day after your party". 

When we got home, I wanted to go outside and make some comments, especially when his friend had parked partly in front of our house, forcing Ron to walk up the driveway.  But he had to watch Ron staggering up the driveway, and Ron looked pitiful. 

This morning, he still had several cars out front, but they all occupied his space, not ours.  Yay.  A lot of times, if you let someone yell at themselves, they will do a much better job than you could ever dream. 

This morning, all his kids were outside, screaming and running around in his yard.  Kids really appear to take a tremendous amount of effort.  I'm glad I skipped that. 

Happily, they all stayed in his yard.  He did get the message when I left him the note (back in November), asking the children to stay out of my yard.  "For safety reasons". 

Anyway, when I'm not at 100% and somewhat sleep deprived, that's the kind of issue that can just eat at me and ruin an entire day.  I am choosing, deliberately, to turn it off. 

I don't have to be hostile and paranoid.  I can turn it off.  I can choose to ignore that and think happier thoughts, instead.  I can choose to focus on caring for myself and doing things that bring me joy.  I can do this because I take my medication as directed. 

For the short term, though, I plan to take a nap.