Not to play

I would never allow Ron near a child of mine.  It would kill me if my son treated his wife the way Ron treated me, or my daughter emulated my relationship with Ron.  

Earlier today, Ron complained he'd have to wait on drinking, if we went out tonight.  "Going out" in my experience, is generally a quick fast food hamburger. 

I'm happy with that, my love language is quality time.  I was happy.

We came home at about 6.  Ron immediately went to drinking and occupies the whole kitchen when he does, sitting on his walker.  I had to ask him to move so I could throw away the junk mail, and he took his drink with him.

It's generally BAD when he sits in the kitchen, on his mobility device, whatever it is, drinking.  Sure enough he started trying to pick fights.  I didn't respond.  He said something about how I had "offended" him so many times, and he was tired of forgiving me 7 times 77.

Many years ago, when we started dating, Ron asked me to please correct him if he said something ignorant.  He did not want to appear ignorant to anyone.  So, I do.  He always says thank you.

Tonight, he blew up.  How dare I judge him, etc.  I told him, you asked me to do this.  Do you want me to stop?

No!

Well, you yell at me correct you, but you want me to do it.  How do you propose to fix that?

He started cursing me.  [I have decided, on my own, I will not be correcting him anymore, especially with the drinking.]

I turned off.  I have the ability to shut off, not to receive anything thrown at me.  I hear it, but I don't accept it.  I go deadpan.  I don't show any emotion - because that's the harvest.  That's the bonus.  The goal of the whole project is getting me upset so they can point a finger and say "SEE!"

I have gone this route before, and not just with Ron.  It took me a long time to figure out; just like the movie War Games - the only way to win, is not to play.  

So, I don't. 

I got to listen to about 20 minutes of verbal abuse, called a bitch, POS, and "protoplasm hunk".  He was very upset I wasn't reacting.  He finally stomped off to his room for a while, made some cracks. 

My favorite "Don't bother calling your Dad.  He's dead."  [My stepmother inadvertently called Ron's phone earlier, and sent him a text later saying they'd be out of town tomorrow.]

Everything, Ron insisted, everything wrong in his life is My Fault.  He ordered me to "Go take the bus tomorrow and stay gone all day." 

Oh, he's ordering my schedule?  More than he does already?  [rolleyes]  Still didn't react, he gave up and left me alone. 

Now he's back in the kitchen, drinking again I presume (drinks 5-8).  I hope I'm wrong.  Hope, when he's done, he just goes to sleep, but I'm not counting on it. 

Most likely, he will do the whole sad-eyed "Why can't we get along?" thing, wherein he expects me to "keep the peace" by "admitting" everything that happened was entirely my fault, and he was completely justified responding the way he did "Because you hurt my feelings". 

The last time I told him about the 7 times 77 thing, he said thank you, and meant it. 

Will I play the whole "It's all Heather's fault", game?  No.  I will just say I'm sorry he got upset, that was not my intent, and I won't correct him again. 

He truly thinks it is OK to call me a b- c- whore, a slut, a cat molester, a child abuser, the most vile things you can imagine - because he got his feelings hurt.  It goes to the whole narcissistic personality thing.  They are "very sensitive". 

That, in my opinion, is their problem. 

In his mind, any emotional "injury" is an unspeakable insult, and requires a corresponding response.  So he hauls out his "arsenal" of verbal abuse and wonders why I seem so distant. 

He even said it's my fault he gets angry at God.  If I were a better wife, he said, he wouldn't get so angry at God.  So, he concluded, it's my fault.   He knows I get tired of hearing him complain about God. 

He's fumbling around for weapons.  God made it clear Ron's relationship with God, is just that - their relationship.  I have nothing to do with it, outside of praying for Ron every day.  

But, oh, I get tired. 

I did find it ironic.  Ron kept yelling at God, saying he wanted God to take me so "I can have a better life, and a better woman, not this stupid fat bitch". 

Better be careful about that, I thought.  God has a way of answering those things.  I don't plan to leave but God could very well take me.