I'm tired

What a day. 

Last night, I slept fine, when I fell asleep. 

I woke up exhausted, told God He knew He was my favorite deity, I would catch Him later, and went back to sleep.  I took my shower and dressed in my hot weather heavy labor gear - sport bra, microfiber "wicking" t-shirt, and my bermuda shorts.  Quarter crew socks, and my slip on steel toed loafers completed the outfit. 

Out to the door.  The shopping trip was fairly uneventful.  They did have my customer's favorite cookie - a vanilla sandwich cookie, in a tube - they get several cookies for my price of 75 cents.  I pay a reasonable food cost.  I bought 5 cases.  They'll be gone in a week. 

They were out of black tea in the bottles, not great but we'll live.  God knows they love the green tea! 

Our guy came and got us, we loaded the truck off down the road.  I yelled his name as I saw the dog in the road, but it was too late. 

I could hear, and feel, the truck going over the poor thing at probably 40 mph.  Our driver said it got up and ran off. 

He wanted to go back to check on it.  I had horrible, selfish, visions of a yapping, dying, crying, snapping, creature in agony.  I begged God, please let it be dead or don't let us find it.  I begged silently, of course. 

He went back around, parked, and looked all over.  He couldn't find it.   Praise God, I thought quietly. 

I do realize now I really did save Biscuit and Gravy.  They had no street smarts when I adopted them.  They would have been dead in hours, assuming that woman didn't "get rid of them" as she'd sworn she'd do.   

We resumed our journey.  I couldn't help but wonder if it had sounded that way when Ron got run over, the same thumping up against the undercarriage. 

I doubt it, however, as our driver talked to a witness - who said Ron "bounced".  Now, there's a horrible vision.  Ron did destroy the truck in the process. 

On that hideous, depressing, note, we got to work.  It was sunny, hellishly hot, and humid. 

After I finished unloading, I told Ron "This is probably the most awful unload I've done all year".  He stopped complaining after that.  He had been whining about sitting out in the heat.  I think he forgot I had a far worse job! 

I got into work, stocked, and had a horrific time getting everything stuffed into the stockroom.  I managed, barely.  It helped that Ron needed some large-case items. 

We left - right as it started raining.  Ron had a lot of very bitter commentary, for God, about that.  I've learned to just leave him be. 

We had a really nice driver; he kept teasing Ron that he was only there for me, Ron had to wait for another vehicle.  [grin]  He really cheered us up.  He liked the Bible I gave him, too. 

We got home, I took a nap.  I got up and did most of my God time, then we went out to dinner with our driver.  He loves dogs and was pretty upset about it.  It was small and cute, he just watched a small, cute, dog - and got very attached.  He had to relate the two, I'm sure. 

Anyway, dinner perked him up.  He seemed to like it pretty well. 

Ron was angry because I wouldn't get him a beer.  I think he assumed if he ordered me to get one, I would do so to avoid conflict in front of the other guy.  I told him "You know I won't do that".  Ron objected, "This has been my policy for years."  The other guy got it for him. 

I told Ron I would take him to the cooler and he could get his own beer, next time but I'm not getting him alcohol.  Between us, I have had it of lying in my bed, listening to blistering verbal abuse as he falls on the floor again, kicking myself because I helped him get the alcohol that has made him such a monster.  No more. 

I decided I am going to take a couple inches off my hair.  Part of it is down to my waist.  It gets caught on things, and gets in the way when I'm working.  Not to mention, bedbugs and head lice everywhere - and they love long hair. 

We came home. 

Recently, I have been in several near-miss traffic accidents.  If I knew I would die tomorrow what would I say?   Would I have regrets? 

No regrets, honestly.  My sins are forgiven and I did pretty much everything I wanted to do. 

I did a hell of a lot more than anyone expected, myself included. 

My aunt already told me she'd find someone to take my cats. 

I don't have any nasty secrets, needing to be swept away. 

But, I'm tired.  When God comes for me, I am not going to fight it. 

I'm not going to seek it, either.