I have 4 pots, a sauce pan holds about a quart and a half, the usual "nonstick" kind with a glass and metal lid. I have a "nice" stockpot that holds a gallon and one that holds about half that. Both are heavy and lined. I like using those for cooking beans, and I eat a fair amount of lentils.
Enough that I throw a pound of lentils in the shopping cart no matter my budget.
I also have a thin enameled stock pot. Twice now I have used it in the same manner and both times the food burned. So I'm not using it for that any more.
I was making a vegetable-lentil curry in that pot and I had just gotten the seasoning perfect, some Kashmiri Chili (I am addicted to that stuff), ginger (love it!), onions, and a lot of curry powder. I had lentils and mixed vegetables in chicken broth. [sigh] And it burned. The good news I had only spent about $3 on the ingredients. It's not like it was a Tomahawk steak or something.
The lentil chili did turn out very well (I had that on another burner), that has Chipolte chili, Kashmiri Chili, onions, tomato paste, oregano, cumin (both whole and ground). I liked that. I put some rice in it at the end, I added some extra water and the rice, covered it, and cooked it for 20 minutes. The rice is perfect and soaked up the seasonings. So at least I have that to eat.
I cleaned out the fridge too. I need to organize it Tuesday but it's got all good stuff in it now. It was very handy having the trash can on the porch. Ron used to put the trash can outside his bedroom window in the back, open the window, and throw the trash in the can. It was great on rainy days. The cats liked it too.
I was thinking some about a verse in Joel. Joel 2:25 "I (the Lord) will restore the years... the locust has eaten" And also Revelation 21:5 "Behold I (The Lord again) make all things new".
It's hard not to look at my life and feel like it was wasted. I grew up fighting battles no one knew about until after I was grown. I went from a bad home life to an even worse marriage. He abused me, exploited me, did me wrong pretty much any way you look at it. Even the most diehard fundamentalists online said I had cause for divorce. I had 30 years of that.
I had to adapt somehow. I really didn't see any way out. So I turned it around in my head so I could wake up every morning. After he died it was years before I could see the truth. I just wasn't ready. Or able.
But God's used my life in ways I can't even guess.
I remember one time, it was February of 1992. Valentine's day weekend. We had a high school church retreat in the mountains. Friday night went very well. I was manic, having a good time. It snowed about 18 inches that night. Saturday I crashed into a horrific depression.
It's the closest I ever came to suicide. I thought, I can strip down to my underwear, and walk into these woods. It will take them hours to find me if I'm careful (it was still snowing and would have covered my tracks). By the time they find me I'll be dead. I thought about it for hours as the other kids frolicked and threw snowballs.
I managed to make it until dinner. I was thinking night time would probably be even better because it would take them longer to miss me, harder to find me, colder to hasten my death.
And, like I did when I was 13 and suicidal, I cried out to God for help. About halfway through dinner a lady walked up to me. I don't remember much about her.
"Heather" she said "God has put you on my heart tonight. Are you having a trial?" I spent about an hour talking to her. I did not tell her I was suicidal. I just said I was depressed and "having a hard time" making some adjustments, implying "normal" teenage issues. She hugged me, told me this was, in her opinion, the worst time of anyone's life (late teens), it would get better and to hang in there.
So I came home that weekend and I never saw her again. Now she had no idea how precarious I was that night. No idea at all. My dear friend Eric used to think I just had "really bad PMS we heard about this in Health class". This isn't a good thing; but I am very good at fronting when my life is going to hell.
But, she saved my life. One day God's going to show her that.
One day God's going to show me the impact I made in other lives. Every Bible I handed out, the prayers I made, the times I reached out to someone in pain. Grace I show when my boss, customer, or coworker are just horrible to me. It's all going to make sense one day, every iota of pain I've had to endure, the anxieties, the hurts.
That's what I look for.
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