Friday morning

Yesterday was really long.  It wasn't bad but it was long.  

My boss got in trouble again.  I suspect management is tired of the ongoing poor employee reviews and high turnover.  

I can see what's behind it but I doubt anyone else can.  She also has problems communicating what she wants.  Employees who only want to do a few things and no more.  Whiners, tattlers, you get the idea.  Last night another department dumped a big project on me.  Chief Snitch was having a seizure over it.  It was something only I do.  I don't know why she was so upset, I flex.

I said "I've got this" and was teasing the other lady "Is that all?  Gimme more!" while CS was shouting and calling the boss.  The boss called me and asked me to deal with it, I assured her I would.  

She came by later.  "Where is it?"  "I did it like you told me".  She looked me dead in the eyes "Thank you, Heather".  I can work with her, I'm scared of her but I can work with her.  

I paid all the bills yesterday, not much left.  I did get more cat food on my way out.  They all like the Mixed Grill so that's what I got.  Most cat foods have fish in them and I'm not doing that.  

I've had 7 boy cats.  I usually fed a fish based cat food.  3 of them got FLUTD, two of them died of it.  I am very, very, careful what my boy cats eat.  

Cleo, by the way, enjoyed the pork roast trimmings and ate all of it.  She never, ever, vomiits.  She's my gutter rat and I love her.  

The house was not fresh when I got home last night so I cleaned all the boxes, then Biscuit used one.  I felt bad about that (bad for him) it reminded me of me, in the bathroom, at work, looking in all the stalls for the least worst option.  I am OK for litter for another week so I'm not going to worry about that, plenty of treats.  

I want to get some chicken and the fixings to make tikka masala, my favorite Indian food.  I already have basmati rice.  I have pork chops, pork roast.  I just had some milanesa beef steaks the other night.  Cleo had one too - I didn't season one, cooked it first, cut it up and gave it to herr.  

Cleo gets whatever she wants.  

I find it interesting, I prefer to get up about 3 hours before I leave, do my thing, go to work, come home, eat, take my pills, go to bed, repeat.  

That's it for now.  It's a long day today so I'll try to post on my lunch.  

Pork roast!

 It's just me so I like what I call "small meats" smaller cuts I can eat up pretty quick. I don't want to eat 20 pounds of hamburger. I have a tiny freezer so I meal prep a couple dozen single meals, put them in containers, that's it except for some frozen veggies and the cold packs I stick in my lunch pail every day.

So when I saw a nice looking pork roast, 2 pounds, for $3 I got it.

Ingredients:
1 t thyme
1/2 t rosemary
1/2 t ground sage
1/2 t salt
You want to divide this into 2 portions and mix them up into a little cup or bowl.
You also need 2-3 whole bay leaves. Set one aside for each portion of spice.

I had some baby carrots and half a big whole carrot, so I chopped that up. About 2-3 cups depends on how you like carrots.

I chopped up half an onion. I also set aside 2 big slices I did not chop.

Potatoes - I love a red potato so I used 2 of them chopped. I wish I had done 3 or 4.

I also chopped a medium sweet potato (I didn't peel any of this by the way).

I put the chopped onion and other vegetables in the floor of the crock pot. I added 1 and a half cups chicken broth (you can use no salt or reduced salt versions if you're watching sodium), and a splash of apple cider vinegar. I sprinkled half the spices on it and a bay leaf.

I then turned to the pork roast. I rinsed it off (it was a little bloody) and patted it half dry. I reached into my cup of spices and used it as a rub all over the meat. All over that meat. Herbs everywhere!

When I finished I plunked it on top of the vegetables (bonus if you put it on top of the bay leaf). I then put the last bay leaf on top (if you do 3 bay leaves I would do 1 on the meat and 2 on the veggies), and topped it with what I'll call the "onion cap". I'm glad I took pictures. If you don't want to do that just use the slices on top.

I use my crock pot on a timer so it cooked while I was at work (I just plug the pot into a basic wall timer). When I came home it was ready!

I made my meals - I got 6 nice meals out of it - and then used the juices to make a gravy. I added a smidge of salt, rosemary, and thyme, heated up the broth. I used about 1/4 cup cold water and 2 T cornstarch to make the gravy, then I portioned it out on the food. I had a nice amount for each meal.

First thing Monday

 They don't know what they're doing with the schedule.  This week it's 11-6, 11-8.  Next week it's 9-3.  Week after?  Who knows.  

I am accustomed to waking at 3 and I did today as well.  I went back to sleep and got up at 5.  All the cats are home which is good.  I kept finding a soggy black cat on my front porch yesterday every time I threw out some trash.  He would meow at me, come in for a while, and leave again.  I still haven't settled on a name.  

My black cat Bubba (they bear a remarkable resemblance) had the "legal" name "Mr Black" and the "nick' name Bubba.  So for this guy his "legal" name's going to be "Lucky" and then the other name will find me.  

Ron used to get annoyed because I would recycle cat names, Baby Girl, Cleo, etc.  I don't want to do that here and he really isn't a Bubba.  He sings a lot, he likes to wander, he's very sweet.  I haven't seen him hunt at all.  Bubba was a big, fat, lazy boy who loved to hunt.  

So, for now, I'll go with Lucky.  

I took care of the cats first thing when I got up, fed them, did the boxes.  

I need to get ready to go.  

You think they'd make it easier to take my money

 I tend to self experiment (not that!) on my day off.  For instance, allergy season is coming up so I thought I would try taking my allergy pill at night.  The first night it went fine.  Last night it energized me and I had a terrible time falling asleep.  Lesson learned.  I was glad I had today off.  

I didn't have a headache from the curry spices, I was very happy to see that as I have very large (7 ounce) bags of spices!  

I need to organize my spices somehow, right now when I open their cabinet they fall out on me.  Times like this I do wish I had a handyman around.  I can envision it so clearly, a nice cabinet, with shelves, and doors (spices shouldn't be in the light), mounted in my kitchen on the end of the stove cabinets... 

But the imported spices some in large plastic bags.  That's not a problem, I guess, if you use them up pretty quick (and I am going through them at a pretty good clip).  I need some glass jars.  I will figure it out.  

I just paid my property tax.  For the county, that's the big one, over a thousand dollars.  Boy, they don't make it easy.  Nothing on the bill, no website, nothing.  I don't just want to Google it because I could get a fake link and pay my $$$ to some scammer who drains my account.  I finally found the website on a slip of paper behind the payment envelope.  

So I find the site and I try to autofill my bank card information and it doesn't work.  Says I have an invalid number on the back of my card, I look, it's right, I try again.  And it says it "can't process my request".  

Well screw you, Google Wallet.  I input the number myself.  That went through.  I will say the fee charged wasn't bad (to run my card).  $25 and change.  

I'm going to do school tax next.  That's going to wipe me out until payday but I want all these taxing authorities off my back.  My Revolutionary war ancestors are rioting over this.  

Let's get that over with... that one wasn't hard but I had to tell Google Wallet to go (censored) itself.  I think I'm going to turn it off, anyway.  

So now I have about $400 left on my property taxes.  That's not bad.  The fees were not bad about $20 each taxing authority.  

I am glad that's done for another year.  From what I remember last year the school district wasn't hard to pay.  

My home's value has doubled since we bought it 20 years ago.  I am very happy here.  

Lentil and veggie curry recipe

 Sometimes I cook a meal, it's alright but I'm not excited about leftovers.  On occasion, though, I cook something and I can't wait to see those leftovers in my lunch pail.  

Tonight was one of those days.  

I read cooking websites, watch cooking videos, try to soak up facts, then turn around and use them around my food intolerances/allergies to create good food.  

For instance, every meal always features garlic, online.  I can't do that so I eliminate it.  

Tonight I made a lentil/vegetables curry.  I am very happy with how it turned out.  I'm going to share the recipe but I think it's important to state I had very good quality, fresh, spices.  This won't turn out if you use that 4 year old little jar of "curry powder" that expired 2 years ago.  

It features the following (you need all of them).  It does feature "hot" chili powder but not much in relation to the amount of food cooked.  It has a kick but I'm a White girl, if I can eat it, almost anyone can.  

• Madras curry powder I bought a 7 ounce bag today and used a Tablespoon to make this.  Madras curry is different from regular curry, it has different spices in the blend.  Important to use this.  I love the way it smells and tastes.  
• Kashmiri Chili powder.  You've heard me talking about this for a while and it is worth the hype.  Excellent.  I haven't used any other chili powder since I got this I put it in my chili even.  
• Garam Masala.  I don't know much about this, it is a finishing spice when making curry.  You'll see I only added it at the end, it breaks down if it cooks too long.  
• I used "Mix Dal" from the import store which is basically just "lentil blend".  You could use either the red or the brown grocery store lentils here, or if you want to get fancy you could do half of each.  
• Another note, I found this a very filling meal.  I had a one cup portion for dinner (I'm a big eater) and it was almost too much.  

One thing I've learned making curries, it's important to have a good, BIG, heavy pot WITH A LID.  

First, you want to soak those lentils so you don't get gassy after you eat them.  I did an experiment on myself years ago and I have to soak those lentils.  I used 1 cup dry and about 3 cups water, 1/2 teaspoon salt.  I left them in the fridge for a few hours, poured them in a strainer, rinsed them off, and set them to the side.  

1/4 cup vegetable oil or butter 

1/2 chopped onion 

1 T Madras curry powder 

1 t Kashmiri Chili powder

Heat up the oil and add the onion and spices.  

This is what I used but you could vary this somewhat.  

2 medium red potatoes, chopped 

1/2 sweet potato, chopped 

(You could put a chopped carrot in here as well, I didn't have a whole carrot so I didn't)

(Red pepper would be good, too, but I forgot to get one at the store)

I stirred them around for a few minutes.  I added 3 cups water (you could use chicken broth), brought it to a boil, and added the lentils.  

I texted a friend about 10 minutes later and found out I could add a can of diced tomatoes.  So I did that.  The whole can + juice.  

I covered it and stirred it every 5 minutes or so.  I had it on medium heat.  

After about 20 minutes I added half a bag (16 ounce bag so 8 ounces) frozen mixed vegetables.  It was a mix of carrots (!), corn, and peas.  I don't like any of those vegetables mushy so I didn't want them cooking the whole time.  

I had to add water periodically I would say I added about a quart over a half hour.  Or broth, if you have it.  I would NOT use the commercial vegetable broth as that has celery in it and that would be awful with the curry.  

I salted to taste.  I have to eat a lot of salt due to a medical condition so I would say add 1 t, less if you used commercial broth (which has a lot of added salt).  

I didn't, but I'm pretty sure you could add some chopped kale - a cup or so - about 10 minutes before the end.  

I tasted periodically, adjusted spices (the #'s I gave you are final numbers), and took it off the heat.  It expanded quite a bit I would say I have 3 quarts, easy.  

I added 1 t Garam Masala at the end (total).  Turned off the heat, stirred it really well another minute or two to blend the spices, and made myself a small bowl.  

I bought some nice flatbread today and had a piece with the curry.  It was very good.  I am really happy I have so much left as I want this in my lunch box all week!  

You could serve this with any kind of bread or rice.  

Not a hottie today

 Last night went really well at work.  The ride in was crazy but I made it.  

We go past apartments, we picked up an old lady in a wheelchair.  The driver put her on my side right in front of me.  She kept cranking her head trying to look at me (the whole trip to work, which was almost an hour), then began taking pictures of me every few minutes and hunching over the phone, blowing them up.  I smiled, I gave her a cheerful wave, but she continued to act like I was some kind of serial killer.  

At first I was a little annoyed.  I'm the one with serious mental illness; she was obviously not taking her antipsychotic.  Of all the people on the bus I was, without a doubt, the least likely to hurt her.  I look like what I am, a nice, middle-aged cat lady.  

I decided to feel sorry for her.  I did think it would be funny if I got up, stood in front of her, and made a big production out of taking her picture but figured she would have a meltdown if I did that.  I also thought it would be funny to pretend I was talking on an earpiece but, again, not worth it.  

I got off and went to work.  I got McDonald's before so I didn't eat anything on my lunch.  

I was so tired, when I got home I just opened up a can of seasoned refried beans and ate that with some corn chips.  It worked fine for taking my pills, I need to get more.  

My hands are very irritated from the hand soap.  I need to bring a small bottle of my own soap for a while.  I had stopped using my lotion and I can't do that during the winter, either.  They are very red, cracked and bleeding.  

Next week I work 11-6 several days in a row.  Personnel forgot to put in the schedule so I have nothing for the week of Feb 7-14.  I don't really care (this has happened before) but it would be nice to know about Valentine's day so I can better plan the Handout.  

It's cold out, but clear, and the cats are in last I saw.  The little guy is figuring out his place.  

I plan to go to the import store and get some spices, then go to the discount grocery and get a few things like potatoes, onions, etc.  

That's it for now!  

(Later in the afternoon)

I took my "buggy" out to the bus stop.  The temperature was in the 30's so I wore long underwear under my "joggers" (sweatpants for my generation).  I had a sweatshirt on over a t shirt but you couldn't see the t shirt.  It was fairly loose.  It was also cold enough I wore a wool beanie and my parka.  

My first stop was the Halal market.  Now, it's their house.  They have a lot of rules (when I look at rules for other religions I'm glad I'm a Presbyterian).  That's why I made sure everything was a little loose.  That is not the time to show skin or "be a hottie".  

To me, that's respect, and that's why I went there first.  I did end up buying pork at the grocery store across the street and I wouldn't bring that into their store..  But I have no problem buying pork after.  

The pest has my address and it is very easy to look at a map and figure out I catch the bus on Antoine.  I was on the "wrong" side of the street.  There's construction on one side of the street closest to the subdivision.  They have been working for years now.  It's just supposed to be a gas station and a few shops.  

But if I'm standing on the west side of the street, trying to cross, looking up the road, I can't see more than half a block due to the fence.  And, a bus driver made a very good point, the cars can't see me either.  Not a good setup and one reason I had such anxiety about going this way.  

I will be glad when they finish and we can all see each other.  

I got to the curb and saw, to my despair, a bus pulling away from the bus stop, going "my" way.  I made a sad noise no one heard and gave them a sad "bye-bye" wave.  All of a sudden the bus screeched to a halt and I realized, to my delight, they were going to wait for me.  I booked it over there and ran up to the bus.  

I can tell my cardio capacity isn't bad because running for buses is not an issue for me.  

I got on, delighted, full of thanks and a bag of candy for the driver.  She was talking to someone on the bus so I just rode to my stop and got off, I said "I may catch you on the flip side" as she nodded.  

I went in the market.  It was the owner behind the counter.  He's seen me in there before but he's watching me.  And I don't blame him.  

He sent a lackey over to "sweep" while I perused the little boxes of spices but I didn't mind, it's just asset protection.  He doesn't know me.  He doesn't know, or care, I'm an evangelist, stealing would completely wreck my witness and destroy my ministry.  I'm not doing that.  

I got some Basmati rice, a 10 pound bag.  That was the smallest size they had and I really like Basmati so I figured I would eat it.  It was in the "nice" bag you can reuse, it it even has a zipper and handles.  I got the rice, some spice mix packets, some curry, some turmeric, various spices, Dal, tea, etc.  He went in the back to do something so I waited patiently for him to come back.  

He asked why I was buying Halal candy and I said I like to give candy to my coworkers, I have a new one but she is very devout (unspoken Muslim) "with the hijab and niquab (face covering) so I want to make sure I get something she can eat".  He liked that.  

I was still wearing my beanie.  I paid cheerfully (did not give him the candy/evangelism baggie like I said it's his house and I will respect that.  I will pray for them), loaded up "my buggy" and left.  

I think asset protection is getting used to me at the grocery but I'm sure they watch me.  That's fine I have nothing to hide.  I got some spray cleaner with bleach, on a whim.  I had gotten a lot of produce recently but I could use some more potatoes and onions.  They had the bags of the red potatoes so I got them and probably 6 pounds of onions (red, white, and yellow).  

I had gotten some paneer mix.  That is an Indian dish, creamed spinach with cheese basically.  The spice mix (kind of like a Hamburger helper) said I could use cottage cheese so I got some of that.  I found some nice little beef steaks you cook in a skillet (Milanesa) and a 2 pound pork roast.  Of course I had to get sage for that.  I also got some of the Southwest Spices cumin seed because it is really strong, amazingly fresh and potent.  The packet is only 58 cents.  

I had already bought lentils at the market.  I figured I was OK for cheese and I can get the candy next week.  My favorite cashier was coming on duty so I got her a Mountain Dew.  

I was going to wait by the checkout for her to start but the (middle) manager came by and told me to go to register 4.  He was fairly stern and I did have that suspicious looking hand cart so I went.  

The cashier remembered me.  She asked about the cats and I told her about the new one.  The store was pretty empty and we didn't have any other people in line so I showed her my video.  

She showed me a couple videos of her cats and was in the process of showing me "snuggle puddle" photos of  her cats sleeping on the dog when the supervisor came by looking at us again!  

By this time my friend was on duty, so I went over and gave her the soda, a bag of candy, and the receipt.  She gave me a hug.  

I went out to the bus stop and she was half a block up the road, headed my way!  That never happens!  I am always missing the bus there!  I guess Monday will be rough.  It was the same driver.  

She said something about homeless people on the bus so I offered her my bottle of spray cleaner with bleach, she said YES and snatched it up!   She said she was leaving the route and I said I understood.  

The new bids start tomorrow.  All new drivers for me.  

It was overcast and moody so I went home, put everything up.  I'm going to do some cooking later, and tomorrow.  

That's it for now.  

I can talk about this

Walmart has a point system for attendance.  5 points and they can terminate you.  No call-no show 2 points.  Call out without using PTO and it's one point.  Clock in more than 15 minutes before shift, 1 point.  Leave later than 9 minutes after your shift, one point.  You get the idea.  

We had a couple of people quit so my boss has been asking me to come in early, work late.  Apparently I racked up a lot of points.  A system alert came up for my other Team Lead yesterday I was over 7 points.  She came to me, laughing.  I am very reliable.  

I explained, even the one that was my fault.  They had changed the schedule, I didn't get the notification and they scheduled me to work on my day off.  I got 2 points that day and was clear that was "My fault".  She didn't think so and got that pulled, along with my other points.  

Thank you.  

She asked me to do 2 things.  I did over 4, additional tasks, my regular tasks in there as well, and trained 2 other employees how to "do the thing".  They weren't getting it, the way the Team Leads were teaching it.  I think, like me, a lot of people are visual learners.  Show us, don't tell us.  So I was doing that as I did the thing, showing them how to do the different things.  Night snitch "caught" me and was "working" nearby listening.  She doesn't want to know but she's going to tell them I was training.  They were doing it unaided by the time I left.  The Team Leads are getting into trouble over this.  

I am actually really enjoying my job lately.  

I thought this was very sad

 It's been my observation Houston only gets snow every 20 years or so.  If we're lucky we get an inch or so.  Most of the city had record amounts of 3-4 inches which breaks long held records.  

I had to work, but I can imagine how all the kids reacted when they woke up and saw it.  

Today I went in to work and I needed help from a manager.  I know he has 5 small kids.  I asked if they had fun in the snow.  

He is a middle manager.  Fairly new to our store.  He seems like a good guy and a fair (equitable) supervisor.  

"They did" he said sadly. "But I wasn't there, I had to work".  

This is probably a once in a lifetime event.  And he missed it.  I thought that was so, so, sad.  

We had a big blizzard on the East Coast when I was a kid.  We had I think 3 feet of snow on the ground.  The city came to a stand still and we missed so much school they had makeup classes well into July.  

I don't remember much - I made a snowman.  Tromping around in my little snowsuit and boots.  Mom making me hot cocoa when I came in.  Dad throwing snow balls.  Those are once in a lifetime memories for a once in a lifetime event.  

I felt so, so, bad, for that manager.  He should have called out.  

Battling some depression today

 But very grateful for the wonderful people I know.  I had 2 people offering me a ride home today.  

I can't say much on where I am in relation to the store but I think it's alright to say most everyone lives the other way.  So they have to go from the store to my house, back to the store, past it to their home.  That's significant and I appreciate it.  

I feel very humble and grateful.  No one is making them do this.  They just know "Heather rides the bus, the bus isn't running, would you like a ride?"  Yes, please.  

When I got home the chicken stew was done (I added a few herbs I bought at work).  All 4 cats were home and Flame was in my bed.  He looked so cute.  I laid down for a while and realized I had all 4 cats, Flame was wrapped around my hand purring.  He is very soft and warm.  

I got a photo of him and Cleo when I got up.  

I think it's safe to say he's in.  

We're going to have a hard freeze tonight so I'm leaving the water off.  

One bus I use is running now but the other one is not.  I am hoping it comes back tomorrow.  If not I will have to pay for rides both ways as I start at 12.  I'm not getting picked up at 6 AM (I know some people who would get me) to wait until 12.  And my other friends don't start until 3 and they're not coming in 4 hours early either..  

Uber rates have gone down significantly so I may go with them to get to work.  I will take Ace home (I have that budgeted and the money sitting in my wallet).  

That's it.  The chicken stew looks good I am going to have some for dinner.  

Rescues are so sweet

 This poor little guy just wants a little love.  

Today he figured out he can get in my lap (all his own idea).  My iced tea went flying but that's fine.  I don't worry about that stuff.  

He had a good time enjoying the space heater and getting some pets for a while.  

It was in the teens last night, no weather for a short haired house pet.  I'm glad I got him inside when I did.  He's been an angel, too.  Gets along with everyone, uses his box, etc.  

The original gangsters slept with me, Spotty by my head.  

Some observations on my day yesterday

 I thought it was really sad.  

First of all I work where I do because God wants me to do it.  I have a mission, to reach out to the people around me.  I go to work to fulfill that and also to pay my bills but I'm not looking for satisfaction from my job. 

That's a good thing!   

All week the news has been crying *You have to stay home if you leave the house you're gonna die* profiling traffic accidents the last couple days where people slid on the ice.  

We have a "roster" feature on our employee work app, if we're clocked in we can see how many people are on duty and who they are.  We only had about 1/3 the staff show up to run my Walmart yesterday.  

Upper management were all there.  Our fiscal year ends this week and if the numbers are right they are due for a very large bonus.  I was very clear on Monday, I won't be here, the bus won't be running.  

(side note, the bus still isn't running)

I didn't say this but yesterday, for instance, a Uber to work one way would have been $40 not counting the tip.  I net $12.40 an hour after taxes: I'm not doing that.  So I was clear on that.  

I do "the thing" in my department no one wants to do.  I never thought much of that until Monday afternoon when a friend at work said "Text me your address and I'll get you tomorrow.  I don't want to sit at home and lose money" so I did that, she got me to work yesterday.  And I did the thing all day.  

God has really blessed me I actually had 2 people discussing who would take me home yesterday.  And the lady who did is getting me this morning.  Good thing, the bus still isn't running.  

The store was surreal, hardly any employees, even fewer customers.  The ones who did make it were either "man on a mission" types with diapers and groceries or gacked out zombie looking types I didn't want to turn my back on.  It reminded me of "Dawn of the Dead".  

But I did it.  

Now some employees actually *walked* to work in conditions that can only be described as horrific.  While the bakery, deli, and restaurant were shut down we had a whole store full of food.  

We didn't even get a "thank you" yesterday.  Or even a cup of noodles.  *Nothing*.  Management totally ignored us unless they wanted something.  

That's a really excellent way to lose all your best workers.  

I have some wonderful people in my life

 I am waiting in the break room on a ride.  

I decided to do a little research.  

https://inalliancepse.org/understanding-and-supporting-adults-with-fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder/

https://www.crisisprevention.com/blog/behavioral-health/help-someone-with-fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder/

Interesting, albeit highly depressing, articles on my disability.  The kind of thing I wouldn't want anyone to read as I am too ashamed.

I guess if I date I'd have to have him.  

Anyway, waiting to go home.  Not many people here.  I told Dad it reminds me of the mall scenes in Dawn of the Dead.  

Usually, when we have an extreme cold weather event I turn off the water.  Last night I let the faucets drip - 2 of them, and my pipes almost froze.  I won't do that again.  

I slept OK but I turned off the water (even colder tonight) before I left.  I also gave the cats extra food in case something prevents me from getting home tonight.

A friend gave me a ride to work today.  Will give me a ride home.  I have several buckets of water around the house for tonight's needs.  

The store is open. Skeleton crew.  Hardly any customers.  The ones who are here have major attitudes.  We don't have what they want.  One customer was blowing a gasket because the pharmacy is closed.  

I didn't see Lucky this morning but I did see the other cats.  I had forgotten the young boy cats love to go adventuring in bad weather.  Spotty in particular did that.  Biscuit has always been more a man of leisure and enjoys creature comforts.  Cleo got out of bed to climb in my lap during Bible study but went straight back to bed, after.  

My boss actually asked me to clock in early which I did.  I can use the money.  

Some things are between me and God

 He'll show it all one day anyway.  

So I just tried to love on people today.  One of my recipients almost cried and said "You don't know how much this means".  That's what He put me there to do.  

Work was OK, and the rides uneventful.  I was actually uncomfortably warm wearing the heavy wool scarf.  It is about 8 feet long and 2 feet wide, in a worsted weight wool.  I didn't need it.  

I will say I wore, 2 pairs wool socks, and I put cayenne pepper in my shoes as I read it helps warm your feet.  I wore 3 pairs long underwear and jeans that had gotten a little big, they fit great over it.  I wore a t-shirt, thermal long sleeve top, sweatshirt, fleece jacket, parka.  Wool beanie and the scarf, but I didn't wear the scarf to come home.  

I may have a ride to work tomorrow, we'll see.  If I do go I will cut the water and drain the pipes, bring my cell phone charger too and maybe my laptop (in my backpack).  Pretty much everyone said they would call out but I said I'd come in if I had a ride and someone offered.  

I need to figure out dinner, tomorrow's lunch, and what to do with the chicken.  I have a couple pounds of boneless skinless chicken thighs.  I am thinking maybe a chicken stew with some of it and then just simmer the rest in broth and then I can use it for chicken salad, pasta, etc.  

We'll see.  

That's it for now.  

A very chilly Monday morning!

 Growing up, my childhood home had pretty rough winters, inches of snow on the ground every year, lows in the 20's all winter, etc.  I learned a few things.  

LAYERS!  LAYERS!  It's been a long time since I was a kid frolicking through snow banks but the rule was always lots of layers.  We didn't have tech fabrics, either.  I just had padded coveralls, long underwear, a sweater, and a jacket.  And I did just fine.  

What I'd give for the coveralls... but I have long underwear.  I think 3 pair will do it under my jeans.  Ideally I would have some sort of wind pant.  2 pair wool socks.  It might be a little snug in my shoes but I hate cold feet.  There's also a trick you can do putting red pepper flakes in your shoes.  It stains your socks but it's very effective, I've been told.  

I did my hair yesterday so it is clean and nice looking.  I had a pretty serious root issue going on.  My hair has been growing very fast since my attack and it is actually longer now than when I was assaulted.  It is a lot healthier, too.  So my hair is dry that is very important.  I have my trusty wool hat and scarf.  A parka, fleece vest, long sleeve tops, etc.  

Metro bus is shutting down tonight at 9 PM.  For now.  I'm off at 3.  I should be OK.  

I do need to talk to a manager if we have one, they asked me to work an unscheduled shift on Friday and I got "pointed" (attendance penalty marks) for it, 2 points which is a pretty big deal.  They will fix it I am certain of that I may have to ask, if there's a good opportunity.  

I slept very well last night.  I could use actual queen sized covers.  I am making do with some queen sized blankets, a twin blanket of Ron's, a twin feather quilt of his too.  It is nice and toasty but a certain fat, old, cow cat (Biscuit!) has been hogging the covers which doesn't leave me with much.  I will probably do what I did 4 years ago (epic winter storm) and put the sleeping bag, unzipped, on the bed.  It's pretty toasty.  I don't have much insulation in my walls (long story on that) so I need all the help I can get.  

I also have to factor in I have a very old washer that is not up for washing queen sized bedding at this point.  There's a thrift shop on my local bus route, I may go there and have a look one day.  

I'm going to go do my God Time.  

Well I managed to burn dinner.

 I have 4 pots, a sauce pan holds about a quart and a half, the usual "nonstick" kind with a glass and metal lid.  I have a "nice" stockpot that holds a gallon and one that holds about half that.  Both are heavy and lined.  I like using those for cooking beans, and I eat a fair amount of lentils.  

Enough that I throw a pound of lentils in the shopping cart no matter my budget.  

I also have a thin enameled stock pot.  Twice now I have used it in the same manner and both times the food burned.  So I'm not using it for that any more.  

I was making a vegetable-lentil curry in that pot and I had just gotten the seasoning perfect, some Kashmiri Chili (I am addicted to that stuff), ginger (love it!), onions, and a lot of curry powder.  I had lentils and mixed vegetables in chicken broth.  [sigh]  And it burned.  The good news I had only spent about $3 on the ingredients.  It's not like it was a Tomahawk steak or something.  

The lentil chili did turn out very well (I had that on another burner), that has Chipolte chili, Kashmiri Chili, onions, tomato paste, oregano, cumin (both whole and ground).  I liked that.  I put some rice in it at the end, I added some extra water and the rice, covered it, and cooked it for 20 minutes.  The rice is perfect and soaked up the seasonings.  So at least I have that to eat.  

I cleaned out the fridge too.  I need to organize it Tuesday but it's got all good stuff in it now.  It was very handy having the trash can on the porch.  Ron used to put the trash can outside his bedroom window in the back, open the window, and throw the trash in the can.  It was great on rainy days.  The cats liked it too.  

I was thinking some about a verse in Joel.  Joel 2:25 "I (the Lord) will restore the years... the locust has eaten"  And also Revelation 21:5 "Behold I (The Lord again) make all things new".  

It's hard not to look at my life and feel like it was wasted.  I grew up fighting battles no one knew about until after I was grown.  I went from a bad home life to an even worse marriage.  He abused me, exploited me, did me wrong pretty much any way you look at it.  Even the most diehard fundamentalists online said I had cause for divorce.  I had 30 years of that.  

I had to adapt somehow.  I really didn't see any way out.  So I turned it around in my head so I could wake up every morning.  After he died it was years before I could see the truth.  I just wasn't ready.  Or able.  

But God's used my life in ways I can't even guess.  

I remember one time, it was February of 1992.  Valentine's day weekend.  We had a high school church retreat in the mountains.  Friday night went very well.  I was manic, having a good time.  It snowed about 18 inches that night.  Saturday I crashed into a horrific depression.  

It's the closest I ever came to suicide.  I thought, I can strip down to my underwear, and walk into these woods.  It will take them hours to find me if I'm careful (it was still snowing and would have covered my tracks).  By the time they find me I'll be dead.  I thought about it for hours as the other kids frolicked and threw snowballs.  

I managed to make it until dinner.  I was thinking night time would probably be even better because it would take them longer to miss me, harder to find me, colder to hasten my death.  

And, like I did when I was 13 and suicidal, I cried out to God for help.  About halfway through dinner a lady walked up to me.  I don't remember much about her.  

"Heather" she said "God has put you on my heart tonight.  Are you having a trial?"  I spent about an hour talking to her.  I did not tell her I was suicidal.  I just said I was depressed and "having a hard time" making some adjustments, implying "normal" teenage issues.  She hugged me, told me this was, in her opinion, the worst time of anyone's life (late teens), it would get better and to hang in there.  

So I came home that weekend and I never saw her again.  Now she had no idea how precarious I was that night.  No idea at all.  My dear friend Eric used to think I just had "really bad PMS we heard about this in Health class".   This isn't a good thing; but I am very good at fronting when my life is going to hell.  

But, she saved my life.  One day God's going to show her that.  

One day God's going to show me the impact I made in other lives.  Every Bible I handed out, the prayers I made, the times I reached out to someone in pain.  Grace I show when my boss, customer, or coworker are just horrible to me.  It's all going to make sense one day, every iota of pain I've had to endure, the anxieties, the hurts.  

That's what I look for.  

More on the oven

 

The oven is being a little balky.  

I think it just needs a while to heat up.  

Plan is to start with some cornbread and move on to brownies.  My brownies were very popular years ago, I would put in caramel and chocolate chips.  I don't have caramel chips but I do have chocolate chips.  

I am such a geek I actually downloaded the manual for the oven.  

So we'll see, it's been a while.  

I may make some dump cake on Tuesday.  I'll be at home unless I got a ride.  

Some thoughts on the oven

 It is painful to realize how Ron had me beaten down in so many ways, put in boxes and locked away.  

For instance, after we bought the house I got used to having a gas oven, did a lot of baking, breads, cookies, quick breads.  I would share them with the drivers and they raved about it.  

This is a lot like my post where I talked about how I never fixed myself up because he didn't want people complimenting my appearance.  Same principle, really.  

So, instead of calling me names and savagely tearing me down verbally, he would complain that the oven "had a smell", he didn't like it, he would scream at me and turn the oven off if I turned it on.  I cleaned it every way you can and nothing was up to his standards (unless he wanted me to make him a soda bread).  He literally would not let me use the oven, ever.  For probably a good 15 years before he died.  

I love to bake.  I started up again after my assault, I have made a few things in the toaster oven. 

A while back I realized it had been so long I had forgotten how to use the oven.  I downloaded a manual this morning and had a look.  

I may do some baking later.  It's certainly the right weather for it!  

Saturday afternoon

 I had a nice nap with Cleo and Biscuit.  When I got up I double checked my schedule and it's OK.  

I do get off at 3 pm on Monday.  Have you seen the forecast for Monday afternoon?  

For now it shows temps in the upper 30's, with a 20 mph wind..  If it stays dry I can do that.  Will it stay dry?  

We will see.  I need to talk to Ace as well.  

I am moderately depressed, this morning took a lot out of me.  My power banks are charged if we lose power, I have my battery operated lamps at strategic areas.  I can't do much for heat, I don't have a fireplace.  

Did I ever tell the fireplace story?  In California we were lucky to get 4 walls and indoor plumbing, forget about any amenities.  

Things were much better when we came to Houston.  My first apartment complex was huge, with sparkling swimming pools, immaculate landscaping, on site convenience store even.  It was conveniently located near a grocery store and public transit.  Traffic was always bad, though.  

The second one was more of a dump.  It had a fetid swimming pool you couldn't pay me to enter, surrounded by a metal fence that made me feel like an inmate, pretty run down.  But it did have a fireplace.  Ron and I enjoyed sitting in front of the fire on cold nights.  

The last place we rented, a duplex, was the largest place I'd ever lived.  It was about 1,100 square feet, huge walk in closet, 2 bedrooms (Ron took the smaller one), high ceilings, etc.  It also had a fireplace and was in another terrible neighborhood.  We were renting that for $500 a month back in 2003.  

For reference, a 400 square foot, one bedroom apartment with serious mold issues (the landlord knew but didn't care), next to a crack house, in CA, cost us $1,100 a month when we moved out in 2000.  Pretty obvious choice, huh?  

And the jobs paid the same.  Better weather, too, in Houston.  Easy choice for me!  

So one night in late 2001 Ron and I are sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.  He is tending the fire.  He liked very high flames and added another log to the fire.  

(My firefighter nephew took out the fireplace when he bought his home, which ought to tell you something)

The flames leapt up and we shrank back from the heat, then relaxed into the couch.  And then.  It came.  Out of the flames like some sort of horrible phoenix.  I jumped and screamed.  

Ron, being blind, had no idea.  "What?   What?!"  I screamed and jumped up off the couch.  Ron's shouting "What is it?" all set to kick ass, then his survival instinct kicks in and he flees to the bathroom, shuts the door and locks it.  I am screaming and running around the living room pursued by this hideous hell bug, a hellacious flying insect that literally flew through flames to harass me.  

It was a giant flying roach.  I killed it eventually but all the poisons were locked up in the bathroom with Ron.  I had to use a shoe which led to Ron's catch phrase "GET THE SHOE!" whenever we had a pest issues after that.  

We didn't use the fireplace after that and told our agent we did not one when searching for a home.  

Profiled!

So I went in and did the thing all day.  My boss was thrilled.  No one likes to do the thing.  I do.  I guess it's the left brain.  My teacher did a survey on the kids and I came back very left brained.  Which is interesting as I am very extroverted as well.  

So I left on a good note, came home.  Talked to my parents, went to bed.  

This morning I decided I would run to the grocery store and buy some more candy.  It appeared to be sold out, but someone had hidden 2 bags under a bag of the spicy assorted mix.  I took one and put the spicy back.  It was obviously "stashing" someone was coming back for it.  

The store itself was mayhem.  I got there about 8:30 and it was packed.  I had a small hand cart.  

I did not want to start using a hand cart as they are very heavily associated with mentally ill, homeless women.  They are not clean and they take their hoard everywhere they go.  I get critical glances and people move away from me like I'll poison them.  Even if I have an empty cart, clean and presentable.  

So I have started using it (I have 2 a bigger one and a smaller one).  I use the bigger one for big grocery trips and Bible Handouts.  It really shines on a Bible Handout.  I took the smaller one today as I only really wanted pasta, cheese, bleach, and the candy.  

About 3/4 of the registers were open, more cashiers were coming in, and each line had about 20 people in it.  This was my view when I got in line.  

You get the idea.  

It was crazy.  

Now, I live in a nice middle class neighborhood.  It is very quiet and well kept.  I wouldn't call it fancy, there are a lot of families doubled up, adult kids living with their parents, multi generational things, but overall nice and quiet.  Nice 1 and 2 story brick homes.  I have a smaller home with wood siding, one story, on a bigger lot than average in my neighborhood.  It's valued about half what the other homes are; it was built as a model home years before the rest of the neighborhood was developed.  

We have what I call the "ghetto" street in the middle of the neighborhood.  It was built by the same builder who built my home.  They are very basic (like mine) no frills starter homes, clapboard siding instead of brick (brick homes are the most desirable ones in Houston but I lived for too long in earthquake country to ever want one even if I could afford it).  I like my floor plan, it has a lot of light and an open design.  

A woman turns off the street driving a very fancy SUV that probably cost 3-4 times my yearly pay.  She stops, sneers at me.  I smiled back and waved her forward.  She went.  That was the first time I got profiled.  It was obvious she thought I was some kind of homeless hoarder.  

I just scoffed and kept rolling to the bus stop.  If she'd done what Ron called "probability estimating" she would have realized a clean, well-kept woman with tidy, clean, hair, wearing a clean white jacket and jeans, with an empty cart, at eight-thirty in the morning, would have realized I am probably a resident.  

She has a mortgage, I don't.  Who's the "loser'?  And what does she owe on that tank?  

Anyway I did my shopping.  I had my cart sitting upright in the shopping cart.  I waited a very long time, paid, and then left.  

I won't get into reasons but I did buy some instant coffee "singles".  The little tube, like the Crystal Light, you put in one serving of hot water.  They had rolled under my cart and I didn't spot them until I pulled my cart off the store shopping cart.  

Crap.  I just shoplifted.  I can't do that.  So I put all my purchases in my buggy and went back into the store.  

I work retail.  I have for many years, pretty much my entire adult life.  I knew security would be watching me as I exactly fit the profile for a shoplifter, which, to be honest, I was for about 10 minutes (I had to wait in the self check line).  I got to the terminal.  I bought a water, a Dr Pepper, and the coffee singles.  The terminal kept freezing and "calling for assistance" as I rang my items and the clerk got pretty tired of it.  I kept apologizing.  I didn't say I had accidentally stolen the coffee, I just said "I'm sorry, I really need this and I forgot..." (it was under my cart).  Security must have been convinced I was up to no good because they held me up another 10 minutes.  I finally took out my first (rather long, $60) receipt and waved it around and then they let me go.  I didn't want to go back in the store but I need the coffee and I won't steal.  I even feel bad if I use the bathroom before I clock out.  

Then I came home.  The driver was happy to see his snack.  I had an uneventful trip home.  

The cat let me know his name is Flame.  After the Gospel Rapper.  Whenever I say "Flame?" he comes running over and meowing.  He didn't do that with any of the other names.  

That's it for now!  

Friday morning

 Well I slept pretty well.  Biscuit and Cleo don't like to sleep on the feather quilt.  When I peeled it back Biscuit got in bed with me.  The next week is going to be miserable and I'm going to have to figure something out.  

I have a fleece blanket as a fitted sheet on the bed, then a couple of wool/fleece blankets on top, OK now with lows in the 40's but it's going to be a lot colder.  I also took an old sheet with some rips in it, rolled it up and used it as weather stripping around the cat door, which has some air leaks.  That helped a lot.  

Spotty is in my lap right now.  He's very cute but it is hard to type.  

Shower done, I did up some candy.  I put a packet of hot cocoa mix in each bag I thought that would be fun with the cold weather coming up.  Tract, note (I'm praying for you daily!), a handful of candy and the packet.  

I have a ride home so I will take that.  I only have to worry about getting to work.  

It should be a good day.  

Incapacitating or brutal?

 It's a tossup but it was a shitkicker of a migraine.  

Most of the day was me, curled up in a ball between Cleo and Biscuit, in bed.  I felt better about 2.  Got up and did my Bible study, did up some candy, and went to the grocery store.  

My driver to come home said she was glad she got to tell me she was leaving to go work on the other side of town.  

While at the store, my boss called and asked if I could work 12-9 tomorrow and I said yes.  

Before that I had ordered a Walmart delivery of 78 pounds of cat litter, dry cat food, wet cat food, and some other things which came tonight.  2 things didn't come and they made 2 subs which were fine.  Sugarfree for a sugar version (better for me anyway) and one flavor cat treats for another.  

I feel exhausted, dizzy, and weak.  The store took it all out of me.  But I have groceries and cat stuff.  

And I'll make some more money tomorrow.  

Personnel was happy to fix my problem

 They get an A+.  

I did more than asked today and one of my team leads is talking about making me full time.  I could use the money.  

Now to get home! 

That was an awful ride to work

 The first bus was fine.  The second bus had a trickier driver who is easily offended, honks a lot, cuts people off, passed people up, etc.  Very impatient.  It was exhausting even with my music on headphones. 

Now I am here.  I need to be assertive, with good boundaries, yet come off as flexible and, hopefully, invaluable.  I need to turn it over to God and let Him guide me.  

Also, it looks like we may get an ice storm next week which means no bus service.  That will be interesting.  

That's it for now.  Pray if you're led and I will always take prayer for the recipients!  

Video blog I almost lost my s*@t today

 Sorry about the hair I have been battling depression today.  

I don't know if it's just me but I have a hard time admitting depression

 I took a nap, had a nightmare about my boss.  I got up, Spotty got in my lap a couple times today.  I called my aunt and we talked a little bit.  

I had a look at my schedule.  This week I work 5 hours each day Wednesday-Friday.  I suspect they may change that we will see.  I will bring a big lunch that'll hold me if I work longer.    

I am avoiding doing the dishes and cleaning out the fridge.  I also need to make some kind of lunch for the next couple days.  

Here's a video of me and Spotty talking about the new cat.  Overall he seems fine with the new cat but he will growl at him sometimes.  

Biscuit and Cleo are totally chill.  I thought for sure Cleo would have issues but she doesn't.  

The Candy Lady is back!

 Work was interesting yesterday.  I can't share much unfortunately but things are changing.  

I was happy I got to see an old friend on the way home, when I got off the bus at the grocery store my friend (not Buddy) was driving the other way and saw me, texted me.  

So I waited for him.  I was really happy the store had "my" candy back. 

I'm off today, slept in until 8.  The black cat wants to come in but Spotty objects.  We will see, I'm going to let those 2 figure it out.  

I talk about underthings (Christian men might want to skip)

About a year ago at work a coworker, a very frumpy, obese one, was showing me (unasked) pictures of lingerie she was buying including some horrid bondage suit?  It was leather?  I was completely sickened.  so I'm giving you a heads up I do talk about underwear in this post.  Your choice if you read or not I will keep it rated "G".  

Years ago I read a really good book about style for women "Fabulous You, Unlocking your personal style".  It had a survey.  I came up as a Sporty/Romantic.  Which makes sense.  I am equally comfortable in jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers, or a lacy dress.  

One thing she mentioned Romantic women always have a lot of pillows in their decor (guilty), and a lingerie collection.  I did have some stuff.  Ron didn't care about that really but I did find something that impressed the heck out of him on one occasion.  I got rid of it about a year after he died.  An advisor said a new husband would definitely not want to see me in something Ron had experienced too.  

Who wants to think about the last guy she was with?  Ick.  

So I got rid of it.  I have been building up a few things which I found today.  

I wear more "sporty" type things to work as I am very active in my job.  But, when I see something really cute and affordable, or on clearance, I have bought them.  So I have a few things.  I never wear them but it's nice to look at them.  

Anyway, I was in a hurry the other day, getting dressed.  Practical bra, check.  Wool socks, check.  Underwear, check.  I pulled on my long underwear, my jeans, headed out the door.  And I noticed the underwear fit really well.  

When I got a chance I checked the size and it was a size down from what I had been wearing.  My weight varies but I seem to "stick" around a size 18, 2X top, 1x pant.  But I got tired of getting rid of the big stuff and having to repurchase it again.  So I keep it.  

That also applies to smaller sizes, I keep them.  One had gotten mixed in with my big stuff.  I liked the way it fit, found another one, wore that the next day, that was also great.  So I am phasing out the bigger size.  I spent some time digging through the underwear bag in my closet and pulled out all the ones I wanted.  

I did find the fun stuff which makes me wonder if I will ever wear it for a husband.  Sometimes, like now, I think it would be nice if God could give me a  "Yes" or "No" on remarrying.  After Buddy I am just assuming it is a NO for now and focusing on my ministry instead.  

I do know it is essential he be born-again, evangelical, and dedicated to outreach.  Dedicated to pleasing God first and seeking His will in everything.  I don't care much about looks - I don't want someone greasy and sloppy like I look (ha ha) today.  I don't care if he's disabled... in a way I think it might be a plus as he could relate more to my difficulties.  But empathy, kindness, compassion, you can't put that in a photo.  

I have found you can take a photo and put it online, get information about who it is.  So if I do meet someone I will not be putting up pictures of his face.  I think it could be fun getting shots that don't do that, and I will of course explain why to him.  

I just hope he's not the sort of stubborn Texan to say "bring it" and put me in a relationship in him on Facebook when I tell him about the pest.  I hope not.  Ron would have.  

Anyway that's it for now.  I did put them in the wash as Spotty likes to get in my underwear drawer and sleep in them.  Now that's too much information!  

This headache won't quit.

 And Spotty is being clingy today which is sweet.   

Sweetie is in and out.  He is, I think, used to yelling at a door for entrance.  It is taking a little adjustment to the fact he can just let himself in and out as he pleases.  He seems to do OK getting out.  We'll see.  

I don't want him reliant on me because the weather could turn or whatever.  He needs to be able to get in on his own.  Independent Living philosophy.  

I worked in the Independent Living movement for a while.  Most of it is commendable; people with various challenges trying to live as independently as possible.  They have done a lot about getting legislation passed like the ADA.  Some of it I don't agree with.  

I remember Ron used to go on about a couple different groups, people in wheelchairs, "They ask for too much" the gist of his argument, until he was sitting in a wheelchair.  Much like my attitude about people with peanut allergies, until I developed one.  God has a way of balancing things.  

Anyway one day after he came home from the hospital he wanted Chinese food.  The bus stop was about a mile away.  We had to go up and down off several curbs and Ron was worried how we would handle it.  I assured him "Those people in wheelchairs" had paved the way, so to speak, for "curb cuts" (proper name) and wheelchair ramps.  And sure enough they had.  I reminded him of some old school stories I had heard of activists in wheelchairs and their allies blowing up curbs to make their own curb cut.  There was a "radical" group that did that (as in far left not "cool").  I forget the name of the group but Ron thought they were pretty cool after that.  I want to say it was ADAPT.  

Ron never got online.  He was a realist.  He knew he was a sex addict and frankly stated to me "I will find the wrong thing online and f&*k things up with you, ruin my life, if I get online" and I respected that.  So I would get online for him, file his reports (sales tax, etc.), download music for him (back when you did that), buy things for him on Amazon.  But if he had been online he would have found that group, "liked" it, joined lots of message boards, and gotten banned from all of them.  

When he would write me letters he would use a lot of ALL CAPS and many!!!! exclamation points!  It made them hard to read.  Not to mention it was all pretty much "I love you so much" and then 4 paragraphs of gaslighting.  But he had a mouth and most of the time he didn't GAF what people thought.  

He used to say he couldn't help being verbally abusive (not in those words of course) that I was just "too provoking" or he "couldn't help himself" and then he would play "wooden leg" "What do you expect from a guy with a head injury?"  

Funny thing, he never cussed me out, verbally abused me, or hit me in front of authority figures.  Or, generally, in public.  That's how I figured out it was willful.  The woman who attacked the bus driver in September, for instance, she went off on the (very kind and polite) officer who responded to the 911 call for help, cussing her out, shoving her, etc.  She really couldn't help it.  So they put her in cuffs and arrested her.  She did take some (mental) help for a while, I think, to get out of the charges but last I saw her she was still running loose, delusional and confrontational as ever.  

A lot has been said about my primary boss, who is taking some time off at present.  But when she talks to me about "issues" she always states I am "very nice" and "sweet".  So much for that, Ron.  And this is a difficult woman.  

I took some Aleve and a mucinex that seems to be helping somewhat.  I think I have a low grade sinus infection.  Everyone has been coughing on me lately it wouldn't surprise me.  

I'm going to do some research and see if a Neti pot is useful for that or will make it worse.  Seems to be OK.  I will try it.  

I just feel very draggy and no appetite -- which is always a sign I am sick.  

Planning my next Handout

 I've got some cute stuff planned for Valentine's.  

Gift bags for the Bibles, tracts, and Valentine's: Amazon gift bags

I've got tracts "God Loves You".  Because sometimes I have told myself He's the only one who does.  

The New Testaments will fit the bags, the cute little Valentine's I got at work, and the tracts.  

I will likely work Valentine's but I can make it work on my day off right before (I don't know when yet the schedule only goes out 3 weeks in advance).  

Yesterday I had a splitting headache all day

 You know it's bad when I don't want to blog when I get home.  

I took my hand cart and wore my cold weather gear today which led some on the bus to assume I was homeless, I think.  Generally people gave me a wide berth.  

Work was fine.  We have one "newer" employee, a transfer.  Doesn't want to work.  Talks a lot to everyone just yakking, not working and talking like most everyone does.  For instance, two people chatting as they put labels on a shelf.  Plays on her phone a lot, wanders around trying to "look" busy.  I was told by my coworker she is a snitch as well which doesn't surprise me.  I do know the other day she was trying to tell 2 of my bosses (easily over 50 years combined experience working for the company) how to do their jobs.  "That's not how we do it (in my old department)".  

Anyway I was very busy yesterday, I walked past her with my hands full.  She started yelling at me "You have to get it" and pointing at a small piece of paper on the ground.  I'll remind you again, my hands  were full.  This was not a safety hazard, it was  a very small scrap of paper.  I kept walking and she escalated her shouting at me.  I stopped, turned, and looked at her.  I said "I'll get it" (later).  She got all offended "Jeez, you don't have to cop an attitude" etc.  I ignored her, did what I was doing, then picked it up.  My Team Lead (not the spicy one) asked what that was about, I told her, she rolled her eyes.  

My spicy team lead consistently uses the words "Nice" and 'Sweet" when describing me, and she's the difficult one.  I am not a challenging coworker.  

So, I left work on time and headed to the bus stop.  The Crazy Train was fairly busy.  There was a homeless man sitting in the front seat on the passenger side, the only place I could sit.  If he had not been there I would have folded up the seat and put my cart out of the way.  As it is I had it shoved over as far as it would go and everyone (including some very large passengers and parents carrying toddlers).  The homeless lady with the 2 kids got on with her stroller, she has a toddler she ignores and a baby, about a year younger, she dotes on.  I feel bad for the toddler.  Anyway they could all get by.  

There was an older (about 55) white guy sitting behind me taking up 2 seats.  He was reasonably dressed and thin.  The other person of note was a youngish lady wearing a Calvin Klein purse and looking very uncomfortable.  The guy got off, stopped behind me, shouted at me to "move your cart" and I said "It's as far as it can go" if he had continued I would have said "Everyone else got by".  He was about 140 pounds.  He scoffed at me but went by just fine.  That's why I assume he thought I was homeless.  He would have been quite shocked to know I own a home in a nice neighborhood.  A modest home, surrounded by homes that are not modest.  But when people bring me home they're surprised.  

I moved back to his seat and was able to scoot the hand cart over a few more inches in front of me, holding the handle so it was flush against the seat.  I figured it would be like this but I couldn't see any other way to get my groceries.  

The Designer Handbag lady got off at the next stop, looking traumatized.  Metro wants women like her riding but it was apparent she would not be back.  

The homeless man in front of me looked familiar.  I realized he was the one who followed me to my home base bus stop and actually moved in to the bus stop right outside my subdivision, living there for a while.  I got rid of him.  But we had a battle for a while he really liked that bus stop.  He didn't recognize me with the red hair.  He gestured at me, impatiently, to ring the bell for him.  

The bus used to have a rope that ran along the inside of the bus by the windows, you would "pull" the rope and it would ring the bell to signal for your stop.  Now they have bright yellow strips and red buttons all over the bus, you push one and it signals your stop.  There was a strip literally right next to him.  I said "It's right there" pointing at the one by him and he got very angry I wasn't doing his bidding, either.  

I think it's a test, the coworker, the homeless man, am I going to jump to do their bidding and let them push me around?  No?  Well then I'm a bitch.  

Fine, I'm a bitch, that's what he called me and more, in front of those 2 little babies.  I didn't care.  He got off.  She got off.  I flipped the seat up and shoved my cart out of the way.  All the other passengers were happy and we didn't need the seating.  

I got to the transit center, went to my next bus which had much wider aisles.  I got off at the grocery store which looked exactly like I expected on a Saturday.  The store was madness, I spent about $30, got some meat, drink mix.  the little plastic containers I like.  The vegetables section was so packed I didn't even try to venture over there.  I did grab a few bananas and some onions.  

I got out of there and went home.  Someone's very large huskies had gotten out but they weren't aggressive.  I think they smelled the raw meat though, they kept following me.  My aunt thought they smelled the C-A-T.  Most likely it was a combination of the food and cat smells, and the fact they could tell I am a kindly person who might feed them.  I managed to shake them before I got to the house.  

My head was killing me.  It's kind of a drilling, pounding, pain in my frontal sinus above my right eye.  I took some Excedrin and a Mucinex.  

I saw my guys were OK (I was worried these dogs were huge) and heard meowing out back so I opened the door.  Biscuit watched by my foot as the black cat came in.  Biscuit didn't care.  Cleo didn't mind.  Spotty growled a little but is fine now.  

I got a good look at (operating name for now) Sweetie.  It's a boy about 9 months if I had to guess.  Very sweet, very curious.  A talker like Torbie.  He was exploring the house all night meowing his head off.  

I am relieved it's a boy, I don't have to worry about finding a litter of voids (solid black cats) under my bed when I come home from work.  I got some sleep but not a lot with the headache.  Interestingly enough it was just Cleo and Biscuit in my bed.  

I assume Sweetie is still around here.  My head is bothering me again and I'm waiting for the meds to kick in.  Spotty got up in my lap for a while.  Spotty is very particular about his pets, he wants face, neck, shoulders only.  He will scold me if I pet further down.  He drooled all over me as I pet him.  He rubbed against my computer as I did it, I guess it's his now.  

That's it for now!