"Time is precious"

Really?  Then you must not have severe bipolar depressions with psychosis.  If you did, you'd realize that time is an enduring torture. 

Ron asked me an important question today, and I was honest enough to tell him the truth. 

"Why do you have such faith?" 

"Because, if I didn't, I'd have a sawed-off shotgun and a hell of a mess."  Ron laughed, patted my shoulder, and rolled away. 

No, I am not suicidal, but if I had no hope for eternity why would I live?  The thought of 40 more years like today - the thought is just horrifying. 

I know some of you are nodding your heads.  You understand completely.  The idea of a lifetime of depression is just too much to bear sometimes.  The only way you get through it is reminding yourself you're not always depressed.  You may even get a little manic sometimes, not too much, just enough to add an extra sparkle and make everyone around you grin. 

I know I do all of that.  I remind myself of the good things in my life.  I also remind myself how Ron's life would quickly go to hell without me in it.  I'm his caregiver and sole employee.  Without me, his butt is hanging out.  My death would really upset those who care about me and, if I killed myself, might blow back on the Bible Handout recipients. 

I'm not doing that.  I am very protective of others; terrible at protecting myself. 

Ron told me "If you ever leave take both cats.  I can't imagine anything worse than knowing they brought something home, chasing it, and no one to get rid of it." 

I have to grin at Ron thinking that's the worst thing. 

I didn't do my God Time, brush my hair.  I did brush my teeth.  No, I didn't.  [sigh]  I sat in my chair all day watching Supernatural reruns. 

"Superman?" Ron asked. 
"No, Supernatural." 
What's it about?
Two brothers who go chasing after Bad Things.   I wish they could "gank" the Bad Things in my head. 

[sigh]