Cycles

I'm getting used to the new glasses.  Looking down while turning my head still makes me seasick. 

I got some good news.  I may be getting a new-to-me computer.  I can give this old thing to Ron.  It's 6 years old, pretty old for computers. 

I'm just tired of the blue screens of death and computer crashes. 

So, new to me desktop.  Awesome.  I don't need a mobile device.  I have the tablet I won back in February if I want to "go mobile".  Still figuring that rascal out.  Android has given me a lot of headaches. 

I don't have wi-fi at the house, so I'm dependent on public service.  I'm sure that's a factor in my issues. 

I'm just glad I'm already taking the mood stabilizers when I'm trying to figure it out.  I need them. 

I'm not as good as I used to be, taking medication.  I feel that lack sometimes, trying to figure out the tablet.  Other times, facing various life trials, I'm so glad I have the medication. 

I'd say over 98% of the time, I'm happy with the tradeoffs - better mood control, yet losing intellectual ability.  I do alright. 

I'm a little frustrated with Ron.  When he has a bad neuropathy attack he uses his massager for hours, on the affected area.  I have begged him to use a towel, to moderate his usage, anything.  Instead, he has another blister, on the top of his foot.  His good foot at that! 

Talk about the worst place possible for a guy with blood sugar issues.  Then he picked at it! 

It's not infected, yet.  My goal: to promote healing and avoid infection.  Thank God I have plenty of antibiotic ointment.  In our lives, we need it. 

I also plan to feed him a lot of protein, probably while nagging him about bad people who overuse their massagers. 

He's been decent.  He's very appreciative of what I do and lets me hear it.  I need that. 

My mood's been rapid cycling.  Manic, then depressed, back to manic.  Praise God the Depakote is doing it's thing and keeping me from mixed episodes.  Ugh. 

Like I tell Ron "That's where everyone suicides".  It's that bad.  Truly. 

[big sigh]  Thank God, not there.  Thank you Jesus. 

I do try to appreciate that, while I have a horrible, often fatal illness, I have it in America.  We have a top notch psychiatric hospital right downtown.  I have an excellent doctor often called as an expert witness.  I have cheap and effective pharmaceuticals - when people rant about "big pharma" I want to give them a hug.  I've written fan mails "Thank you for your excellent lithium..."  Big Pharma gave me my life back.  My marriage.  Keeps me alive.  Thank you very much I truly appreciate the quality of life.  [tips hat]  I have a job I can do regardless of mania or depression.  I have an understanding boss/husband.  Most of the time. 

Doc says I'm "Very Stable" - I can't ask for more. 

When Jesus takes me home, I'll be happy to leave my illness behind. 

I do find it funny how Torbie is a foul weather friend.  She's more Ron's now, he's the Treat Man.  But she'll sleep with me every night I'm depressed.  In fact, she's gotten into bed with me a few times, and only then did I realize I was cycling depressed. 

She's a good girl - very stubborn. 

Baby Girl wants her tummy rubbed every time I come home.  If I run 3 separate errands and come home each time, she wants 3 tummy rubs.  If I only come home once she wants one. 

My hands full, I've tried to avoid her a few times until I could put up my stuff.  She won't allow that, she'll keep getting in my way until I stop and give her the attention she requires.  It's her only real interaction with me. 

Yet she loves to sleep in my chair, surrounded by my scent.  She's a puzzle. 

I read tonight that Bengals with her markings (she is the brown cat with black spots in my slideshow) are considered "undesirable" and often killed or dumped.  That would explain Ron finding her in the yard.  The breeder probably saw the cat door and figured we'd be good suckers, dumping her in the yard.  It worked. 

I feel sorry for them, they missed out on a lively, sweet, little cat.  Torbie loves to mother her.  I think Torbie must have had a litter at some point - I bet she had gorgeous kittens.  She came already fixed thank God so no worries on that. 

As you can see I've cycled manic again.  I'm going to go call Mom and Dad.