"Get me a switch"

Another point. 

I have been the victim of domestic violence on more than one occasion.  On nearly every occasion I used physical violence to defend myself. 

I had to teach one abuser, getting within arms reach while attacking me meant they'd be choked until they agreed to stop hitting me.  A harsh lesson to teach, to be sure. 

I have knee problems due to one physical assault, from someone who was taught karate.  If you have a violent and abusive child, don't send them to karate.  It just makes them more effective tormenters. 

I have various physical scars from physical assaults before I met Ron. 

On one memorable occasion, Ron got violent with me during a blackout when I prevented him from walking on broken glass.  He slapped me and left me black and blue.  I ended up hitting him over the head with an old running shoe until he backed off - and let me tell you, that's a hell of a place to be, pinned on the floor by a crippled head injury victim who's doing me damage - wondering if I'll "break" him if I hit back to get him off. 

On that occasion, after a couple ineffectual whacks with a shoe, I told him the police were on the way.  He stopped and hid in the man cave. 

I've told him, and I mean it, any future violence will result in criminal charges.  I will also post photos of any injuries. 

Having established my status as a domestic violence "victim" and possibly perpetrator (although I firmly believe I am entitled to defend myself if someone's hitting me first), I have some opinions on the recent NFL domestic abuse cases. 

In poor black culture, "Get me a switch" is a fact of life.  The switch (flexible twig broken off a tree) is used to spank the child.  Occasionally it leaves marks. 

I don't see a problem with this as a disciplinary measure.  I think had the player worked for a meat-packing plant, it would have been a non-issue. 

Secondly, the Rice case. 

Interestingly enough, when I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area I rang up Mrs. Jerry Rice on a couple of occasions.  She was a lovely lady, very kind to me, the service provider.  I always enjoyed seeing her.  Very classy. 

So I hate that these people even share the same name. 

No excuse to hit a woman.  Ever.  I've seen the video.  Not only does he hit her, he treats her like a piece of trash until she wakes up. 

That said, it's equally unacceptable for a woman to hit a man, under any circumstance. 

Now, as I said, if someone's physically assaulting you, by all means defend yourself.  Stomp on their instep.  That will fix them right quick. 

But, no matter what the provocation, don't hit.  Hit the elevator button, get off at another floor.  Go home.  Take a long walk.  Go gamble (they were at a casino), watch a show... but don't hit. 

No one forces you into anything.  If you have the discipline to become a professional athlete, you have the discipline to walk away.  That applies to regular people, too. 

Walk away.  It's not worth your reputation and a possible criminal conviction.  It's not worth the damage to your relationship.  If you don't care about the last, walk away from the relationship altogether. 

A good example, years ago, one local church pastor was charged with domestic violence.  I can only imagine what that did to church attendance. 

In my case, I've learned Ron can be very angry when he's having a blackout.  When he is having a blackout, I don't let him corner me.  I don't argue or respond to provocative remarks.  I don't speak at all.  I keep my cell phone with me and my bug out bag at hand.  Should I need, I can flee. 

How would he find me?  He's blind.  As long as I keep my ringer off I'm invisible until he settles down. 

However, Ron has truly changed since I showed him, himself, drunk.  That video was a lifechanger. 

Another thing that bothers me: everyone's attacking the victim in this case.  I try to explain, she's been brainwashed.  She really thinks she doesn't deserve a good man, one who will cherish her.  She thinks this is the "best she can do". 

Why did she marry him?   I am certain Rice's handlers told him marriage was the only way to get out from under the scandal.  If she married him it would trivialize the assault and make her a co-conspirator.  Abusers are charming.  I'm sure she had "wanted" to marry him.  Unfortunately she did. 

I pray she does have an escape plan should she need it.  I am certain the domestic violence underground has contacted her. 

In the meantime, all we can do is pray.