Exhausted

Pretty depressed Saturday, but I got in my shower and my God Time. 

I suggested Ron move his vodka, because it just seemed a little too accessible in the wheelchair.  He used to "walk" up to the front of the house, take a nip, and go back to bed.  Now he can just roll up there and sit in the chair. 

He didn't listen.  He fell asleep in his wheelchair, in the kitchen.  I put a pillow under his head and went to bed. 

A horrific blackout ensued. 

He thought he had fallen in a hole.  I just heard incoherent screaming and ravings.  I made a video (which Ron called "life changing" but we'll see). 

He kept raving.  Finally he went to begging me to "get him out of this hole".  God would want me to help.  He was bent over in the wheelchair with his head stuck in a cabinet.  I got his head out and took the brake off his chair before he started getting ugly, trying to hit me.  I got out of there. 

More raving and personal abuse for about an hour and a half.  I am a "God Lover".  [snort]  He's right on that.  He thought I was having an affair, with someone I would never.... ugh.  I didn't dispute it, I've learned it's better to just let the train run.  

I did tell him yesterday.  Just in case he had any doubt.  I don't even give out my phone number to men I know on the internet.  Our friend at church who does Bible Handouts with us doesn't even have my number. 

Then he went to rearranging furniture.  [sigh] Yeah.  I don't know how he did it in his condition. 

Needless to say, I got NO sleep and woke up with a migraine.  We still went to church and work after. 

I got a decent night's sleep last night but I'm still exhausted. 

I won't be posting this video.  However, Ron knows if this happens again I will post a video to this blog. 

In my life I get a strong feeling from others - oh, it's not that bad.  You're just exaggerating.  One relative thinks Ron won't drink if I become a better housekeeper, because Ron usually raves about it when he's in a blackout. 

It doesn't work this way.  Ron drinks because he has a problem.  His behavior is horrific. 

He knows any woman would leave him after one blackout, much less 22 years.