He'll take my adoration when I'm manic

A sing-a-long?  Oh, you poor thing.  You don't know.  I am incredibly tone deaf.  Every cat I have ever known flattens his ears back and flees when I sing. 

I'm listening to Theocracy (Gospel Metal)'s version of Christmas carols.  Ron calls it "Your devil music".  [snicker] 

I'm pretty sure I can coax Ron into making a video blog; I'll appeal to his vanity and tell him an adoring fan requested it.  [giggle]   He tends to get moody on holidays, so it'll be a good distraction. 

Boy, I have felt like crap this week.  Crappy horrible depressed mood.  We have gotten lots of rain (I think the yard has gotten about 4 inches this week), which is wonderful - but I do miss the sun.  Cold, too. 

Plus, I started cycling depressed.  UGH.  Throw in my "new" cycle and it's not a fun week.  OH, and the migraine.  [wheezing] 

I can't tell you how many crappy Christmases I have had, either sick, depressed, or both.  Good thing God made me, and understands I can't always be joyous.  He'll take my adoration when I'm manic. 

As it is, I'm doing well to eat, take my medication on time, shower, and laundry.  I did manage to drag myself out into the garden for a few chores.  Today, for instance, I planted onions.  Good timing.  The soil was a little dry (ha!), but not for long.  Once I got the onions in we got hours of rain.  Lots of rain outside. 

Thank you, God for a good roof, and an even better heater.  We had a new roof put on right before we bought the house.  Right after we did, we got 19 inches of rain in one month.   Gulp.  Really glad we had the new roof.  Glad I have it now. 

I'm glad it appears we are edging out of the drought.  We humans desperately need the water, broken water pipes, shifting foundations, etc.  Then you think of the poor animals, domestic and wild - desperate for food and drink. 

Ron's fix worked, by the way, speaking of wild animals.  Nothing in the attic.  Praise God.  Oh, that was horrid.  People kept telling me it was probably a rat, raccoon, or possum.  All of them just big rodents - and awful. 

Santa Cat has been doing well.  I find it funny, he loves to escort me to the mailbox.  He seems concerned I might find a friend.  I did bring home a cat, about 8 years ago. 

A lady down the street, in the bad neighborhood, didn't fix her tabby.  Tabby had a litter, and one of them was solid black.  Just like my cat Midi.  Hm.  I did the math, and realized he could be Midi's (Midi had been fixed in October, and Bubba born in January), so I always took an interest in him. 

Boy, that was a bad year.  Ron's accident, in and out of the hospital all year.  We lost Shadow, Ron's baby.  I lost Midi.  Bubba grew up, happy and content living down the street.  I made friends with him, it took forever.  It was pretty tough to be a black cat in an ignorant neighborhood.  If someone believes that a black cat is bad luck, wouldn't hurting the cat bring worse luck? 

Ugh.  I am not superstitious. 

Anyway, early December his "Mom" moved.  I was pretty bummed, I was going to miss him.  I secretly wanted him for myself, but he had a home.  Besides, even if I did steal him - and it would have been stealing - I couldn't exactly hide him. 

She left, took her bird feeder.  I got whacked with a horrible December depression and holed up in the house for about a week.  I finally dragged myself out for a run. 

Poor old Bubs came running up to me, much thinner.  That bitch had left him to starve.  I was furious. 

I immediately got some cat food, but Bubba wanted petting before he ate.  Poor baby so obviously realized he was unwanted and abandoned.  After he ate, I tried to talk Ron into taking him, but Ron made a valid point "She could be coming back for him". 

So, I talked to the landlord.  Nope, she was gone.  Bitch. 

I told the landlord, he's MY cat now.  He just shrugged. 

I continued to feed Bubba and have our cuddle sessions every night, while plotting how to convince Ron to adopt him.  I knew, once Ron met Bubs, he'd love him as much as I did.  I also knew Ron was unwilling to love, and lose, another cat. 

I took it to God.  Prayed on it. 

It was a miserable night, much like tonight.  It was raining, cold, and windy.  I'd fed Bubba, pleading with Ron to let the cat in the house.  No. 

I went for my run (I was training for a half marathon), and Bubba met me.  Every lap, he wanted me to pet him.  On my last lap, I coaxed him into coming along with me.  We went home. 

I sat down in the driveway, still in my running clothes and covered in sweat.  I was getting cold. 

"You're in"  I told him "I will take care of you until you die, but you HAVE TO SELL RON.  You have to make Ron WANT you, OK?"  Bubba purred and nudged my hand with his head. 

I opened the door.  We had placed Ron's bed in the living room.  Bubba made a beeline straight for Ron and got on the bed, nudging at his hand. 

[this is the same cat who took 5 months before he permitted any petting]  I grinned. 

"Heather!  What's this?"  Ron  began petting Bubba. 

"This is the cat I told you about". 

"Heather" (still petting, and I could hear Bubba purring across the room) "I TOLD you, I don't want another cat." 

"Ron" I pleaded.  "It's cold.  It's raining.  Please let him warm up a little before I put him back out." 

"OK"  I noticed Bubba was climbing into Ron's lap as he lay down on the bed. 

I went and took my shower, dried off, checked my computer, and got ready.  I opened the front door.  A freezing blast of wet rain blew into the room. 

Ron bolted up, the cat still lying across his body.  "Heather!  SHUT THE DOOR!' 

"Don't you want me to put him out?"  Ron stroked the cat again as Bubba happily slitted his eyes at me, purring so loudly he roared. 

"No." 

That's how Bubba came to stay, about 8 years ago.  A few weeks later I found Baby Girl in a trash can.  Bubba never liked her, and when my "neighbor" poisoned her (the day we moved), he didn't miss her.  He is now extremely careful about letting me out of the house.  He will follow me for blocks, making sure I don't encounter an adorable kitten or pathetic stray. 

And he ALWAYS goes with me to check the mail, even in the rain. 

Even if I did find a cutie, or more likely a "Heather's special"; I promised Bubba he would be the only cat, after Frosty died. 

I have a 3 day weekend.  Today was nice.  We had lunch with my aunt and uncle.  Gift exchange.  They liked it.  I liked my stuff. 

I had spent days prepping myself for sleep deprivation tonight - but the neighbor is not having his all night, raucous party.  Maybe because his wife is pregnant, or they just had the baby. 

That's great for me.  I don't think they would have had much fun with 40 degree temperatures, gusty winds, and rain. 

My mail carrier liked her present.  I had gotten some truffles, but chocolate gives me a migraine so I regifted.  Everyone wins.  I have 2 mysterious boxes from Mom and Dad, and one from my sister. 

I gave up on getting my field peas from the online store.  I don't know if they shut down for the holidays or what, but I'm not going to stress out over $10.  Shame on whoever is at fault. 

Ron said "A neighbor probably got it".  I hope they enjoy their field peas!  I also had a hand tool.  Oh, well. 

When Ron was in the hospital, hooked up to life support, I realized there is very little in life worth getting upset about.  Really, is it worth it? 

Praise God medication helps me remember that. 

So, I was looking around last night, trying to find another company.  Boy, some of those organic garden shops online really hose you.  I found a good site, once I get my goodies I'll tell you. 

I got my field peas, a whole pound; a pound of a cover crop mixture; a packet of red mustard - it is so pretty - just a beautiful plant; and lastly, something I'd been wanting for a while - red oakleaf lettuce.  I got a huge packet of the regular green kind, at the feed store.  I think it's great, but I love red/purple greens too.  I had wished for it, and got it!  Yay! 

Best of all, I used this company years ago, when I lived in crack-town.  I got my stuff quickly, got a free sample, and the seed did very well. 

In fact, I realized tomatoes wouldn't thrive on my balcony - not enough sun, and gave all my ( happy) seedlings to some co-workers, who brought me tomatoes all summer!   So, good stuff. 

It was also a good distraction.  Garden work this morning, planting the poor onions I got 2 months ago.  Some of the transplants clearly didn't make it, but I have at least 3 dozen good prospects planted over by a collard (a good companion planting).  I had forgotten them, been depressed, etc.  I found them the other day and realized I had to get them in.  I did. 

When I realized I was getting depressed, I'd bought some pears and tart apples.  Tonight, I made some of my spiced pears and apples.  I made a very light syrup (I have no joy with sugarfree canning), peeled, cored, and chopped the fruit, put it in the syrup with some spices (I didn't have any cinnamon), and cooked it until soft.  Then I canned it - water bath, only took 20 minutes.  All my lids popped too.  It kept me busy.  I have a small amount of leftovers for tomorrow's breakfast. 

It's hard to know the line sometimes, where does "staying busy" become "running around like a gerbil and ignoring my feelings" and when does "resting" become brooding? 

It's funny; when I'm down, I need to stay busy and work on being kind to myself.  When I'm up, I need to work on resting, being deliberate,  focusing on my "core values" (frugality, honesty, faith, no gossip, etc), and resting. 

It is fascinating; I really am 2 different people, and often more than that - while continually being "me".  Happily, while I had plenty of pain, I never "split" into multiple personalities.  Yike. 

I'm getting tired, so parting thoughts:  Merry Christmas!    Make it a good one! 

And, if you just aren't feeling it; God loves you anyway.  (((hugs))