Saturday, October 13, 2007

Hope springs eternal

Last night I had a couple of odd dreams about the upcoming high school reunion I won't attend. No thanks. If I've got that kind of money to spend on airfare I'd rather spend it somewhere else.

Speaking of spending, good news. I went to Walmart, bought a lot of candy for Halloween, stuff I needed, two cases of "my" soda, and I only spent $40. Then I went and made a deposit. I have a lot more ready cash now on the medication than I've ever had in my life.

Overall, I'm pretty good. As it gets later in the day, I tend to get a little to a lot depressed. That's why, just now, I got up and threw a frozen lasagna (No Preservatives) in the microwave. I also remembered while typing that I used my last deposit slip at my bank today so I threw a couple more in my purse. What does lasagna have to do with depression?

Once I eat it, I can take my lithium and Risperdal, which are the perfect 1-2 punch to stomp my depression. I don't ever beat myself up when I "cycle", especially when I've been good to myself (eating and sleeping properly, not overdoing caffeine, avoiding stimulant herbs or depressing movies). I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't want to. It's not like I went out clubbing and drinking, now I'm depressed. It's not my fault I'm bipolar. It's my responsibility to manage it. I believe I do a pretty good job.

I was a victim of some bad choices (including my own), underwent a lot of stress as a result, totally changed my routine, and had to grapple with issues that would devastate a "normal" person. All things considered, I did GREAT. In fact, I was surprised at how easy things (choices, feelings, thoughts, moods) were on my medication as compared to other (lesser) crises I've dealt with in the past.

So, my lasagna cooks in the microwave. I had a happy experience just now- I went to Knitpicks in the vain hope that maybe they might have the Harmony wood interchangable tips in a size 8 and 9. I'd LOVE them. So much fun knitting, looking at pretty wood needles. Interchangable wood needles, even better.

They had them. I should get them sometime next week. I had ordered a size 8 circular needle (Harmony) right before that happened. I didn't check the mail for a week, obviously. By the time it arrived, the mailbox was full, so it went to the Post Office. By the time I got back and got the notice, it had gone back to the shipper. Darn it. Hopefully they will credit me a refund. It's OK, either way.

At the time, I would have given up a lot in order to ensure my safety. Losing one circular needle wasn't a big price to pay. I still find it funny, that as bad as things were, I still managed to bring 3 knitting projects and all my medication with me when I fled.

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