"You'll be no good to him"

I posted this originally on a knitting message board but I feel it bears repeating. Ron was in the hospital and I was caring for him, living in his hospital room (all the nurse-aide type stuff, feeding him, keeping him company, helping with the bedpan). "We" had a bunch of really wonderful nurse aides, all from other countries.

The lady I'm going to tell you about was from Jamiaca. She had watched us for a few days as she cared at him, and a couple times I caught her looking at me with a frown on her face. I told her, on this particular day, that I had to go home and do laundry, I was really sorry, etc. She frowned at me again while I continued to apologize for "leaving" him.

"Honey" she said "I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll be no good to him. I want you to make me a promise. Today, you go home and take care of your business. Next time you leave, you do something nice for yourself! You've got to take care of you or you're going to be in that bed right next to him (she pointed at said bed, empty). Every week, you take half a day for yourself. A whole day would be better. I've cared for a lot of people like your husband and neither of you will do well unless you promise me, one day a week, you take a half day for yourself." She even woke Ron up and made him promise he'd "Let" me have a half-day a week.

He used to tease me about it. "When would you like your off day?" If I said I didn't need it, he'd remind me of the nurse's comments. Even if it was "only" taking the bus to the thrift store, spending $10, eating a dollar menu hamburger, coming home and taking a hot bath, it was bliss. I'd take the cell phone and we'd talk as husband and wife, not caregiver and patient. It really helped us both pull through.

I am so grateful to that woman for making me promise to take a little time to myself. Ron got to feel like he was helping ME out when I took a little me time, and he made a lot of acomplishments while I was out. One day he called me and told me he'd made it all the way to the kitchen without my help and "Whatever you had on the top shelf was good!". I wish we both could hunt her down and give her a huge hug.