I started the blog in Spring of 2007. That fall was my 15th anniversary with Ron. I always found it fun shopping for presents with Ron. I could buy it and put it in the cart, and only once did he "peek" and figure out what the gift was (a set of dominoes which I still have). After that he was "good" and wouldn't reach in the cart.
I think Ron had the anemia for a long time, he was always cold. So I decided I would get him a nice comforter. He always liked having his own room and I respected that; he never had his own place growing up and then he was either renting a room from someone or shacked up sharing a place and bed. He liked having his own space and I respected that. He had a twin bed.
I had saved up and bought myself a very nice twin bed which I gave to Ron after the accident. I slept on a cheap mattress on a daybed, after he got his social security settlement he bought me a nice queen bed so I always had a queen bed and he had a twin.
The cats have always enjoyed sleeping with me (last night and the night before I had all 3, all night) so I needed the room even when Ron didn't "visit". I prefer a lot of blankets generally, maybe a quilt or two, when it's cold. It works better if the cat gets sick, it's easier to wash one blanket. I have found it nigh impossible to wash a queen comforter at home.
So I bought Ron a very nice, thick, feather duvet and cover. It wasn't cheap and it is considerable in size. It's nice and thick, very warm.
I have grappled with this a lot but looking back, it is apparent to me that Ron's drinking escalated dramatically after my diagnosis and treatment for my condition. I was "better" he was "worse". Like, almost to the day.
Before he would have a rare binge now and then, act up, remorse, not drink for months to years, then do it over. After he was binge drinking pretty much every night, not sorry, running to the liquor store constantly.
The paratransit company will take a person to a liquor store or strip club just like it will take them to a church or a doctor's office, he knew the address of the store that's all he needed. They knew him. He would call ahead and have them reserve whatever, then go and pick it up.
I always thought it telling he always got excellent trips when he did that. The devil wanted to make it easy. So he's escalating.
It came to a head Here, when Ron, drinking Everclear, had a blackout and assaulted me when I kept him from walking on broken glass in his bare feet. I left him for a week, tried to figure things out.
If I could go back in time I would tell me to run like hell, but back then shelters weren't taking cats. They didn't really have that in their wheelhouse, that the victim would want to take her pets. Ron threatened to kill Frosty on more than one occasion after this incident, if I left him again. I couldn't do that.
So I had given him the comforter for our anniversary right before this incident. He was touched and really loved it.
After a lot of thought I went back to Ron, I didn't feel I had a viable option. I would lose the house, my cats, and my job if I didn't. Ron would lose his security clearance and his job if I pressed charges. No one helping me had any experience with this - we never thought to contact the Women's Center. Ron kept saying he was sorry, it would never happen again, he made a big production out of pouring out all the liquor.
So I went back. Ron, playing games, "gave me back" the comforter. I said I didn't want it. He said he didn't "deserve" it blah blah. The game being I had to tell him "it was OK he was a good person" etc and I didn't have the stomach for it so I put it in the closet. He wasn't expecting that but couldn't admit the truth, he was using it as a ploy.
I would give it to him on really cold nights and he appreciated it, then he would give it back. So the poor thing spent most of it's life unwanted, in the closet. And it's a very nice comforter.
We had some cold weather after Ron died and I got every blanket in the house, found the comforter, put that on the bed too. I liked it, the cats liked it. So I take it out in the winter.
But I always remember the story behind it.
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