Left to my own devices

 Last night I brought an extra meal to work.  I like to share my food, for me there is nothing worse than just cooking for myself.  But I don't want to cook for a living either.  

So I brought it.  The one team lead was off, my coworker is fasting, but another coworker happily ate it and raved about it.  I have brought him meals before he is always a very appreciative audience.  

After his lunch he ran into me (we work different areas) when I had to go out of my area to put something back.  We have "PDQ's" in the main aisles with featured merchandise and I was putting it on that, he came by.  He was asking me how I was going to get home as he knows I ride the bus.  I told him, when I work nights I have Ace get me, he asked a little about Ace, seemed disappointed, and left.  

I realized he probably thought Ace and I had something going.  Do I tell him it's business only?  Yes or no?  I didn't have anyone to ask.  

I thought "I don't want to play any games, and I want to be very clear in talking to men".  So I sent my friend a text explaining "Ace and I are 100% business only" he texted me back immediately "Understood".  Was he happy to hear that?  God knows.  

What I have concluded this year: I have to put myself out there.  I have to take some risks if I don't want to die alone.  

I have had several bad migraines since my assault.  Not due to it, just medication, genetics, food allergies most of it I suspect.  And every time I think how nice it would be to have someone to fuss over me a little bit.  

And, on my end of things, I have to Let people know they matter.  I can't emphasize that enough.  If someone matters to you, tell them.  Tomorrow is not promised!  I thought I would have Ron for another 10-20 years and by all rights I should have.  

My grandfather died in his early 40's.  My other grandfather died in his 20's.  My birth mother died in her 50's.  All of these were sudden deaths.  Ron called me, sounded great, dead minutes later.  You don't know.  That guy on the bus could have cut my throat and not my hair.  I'm sure he would have felt "justified".  

Everything I see tells me time is short.  I don't know how much time I have so if I have something to say I need to say it. 

So I'm very glad I told him it was business.