I had a good nap

 I like to nest in the winter, when it's cold (not all the time in Houston).  I pile up every blanket, the feather quilt, all of it.  The cats apparently don't like it.  They haven't slept with me since I did that but I'm not freezing at night.  

I have the house about 70 degrees.  

I am going to get a small space heater (I keep typing my name instead of "heater") for the bathroom because I need my heat at shower time, and there's no way I can get out of a shower in the morning.  

I forgot I like to clean the toilet seat off every morning before I take my shower.  

A little about Walmart bathrooms: they can be horrific, even with the best custodial staff.  Most of the customers have worse manners than an animal.  They do disgusting things in that stall.  Homeless women with God Knows What diseases go in there and spend an hour doing God Knows What.  I know many diseases like Hepatitis C can be transmitted by body fluids not just blood.  I try to be careful but I am well aware my facilities are not clean, even if they look OK.  

This is why I said OK to both Hepatitis vaccines in addition to the tetanus.  

I figure my butt and thighs are covered with germs when I walk out of there every day, and then I go sit on my toilet.  So I clean the lid before I take my shower.  And, at least until I go back to work, I have a clean body and a clean seat.  I forgot to do that this morning and feel vaguely diseased as a result.  

Anyway I need a warm bathroom for an hour in the morning.  I am going to fix that when I get paid.  We have one for $20 and I get my discount on that too.  The last one was good for about 5 years.  

I found my hand lotion but it doesn't seem to be helping, and my hands are red after I apply it.  I need to see if it has almond oil.  I do have some petroleum jelly worst case I will apply that before bed tonight.  

I am cooking my Chana Dal right now.  It takes a couple hours, this is a good weekend project.  A couple hours cooking the beans, then add the seasonings, cook another hour.  I also need to make some basmati rice.  I have that soaking.  

I really like basmati rice (not the price tag!), have some I use judiciously.  I thought that might pair well with the chickpeas.  

I have 2 loveseats in the front room (my current location).  One is by the front door.  One runs in a line with the hall, at a right angle to the first one.  I generally sit on the second one.  Well, "Little" Miss Cleo has taken over that couch and sleeps on the remote to the TV (I just have a TV with an antenna and not a big one either).  I would never disturb her so it's going to stay there.  I can't really sit there either, she takes up a lot of room.  

Eventually I would like to replace that loveseat with a longer couch I could lie on or seat more people.  It only seats 2 and then if they're good friends.  The other loveseat I plan to keep as it converts to a bed which can be useful (never had an overnight guest but it's nice to have).  I generally put guests there.  But the couches I have work and don't look bad (a little clawed up) match my theme for the front room which is navy and turquoise with orange accents.  And I have better things to spend my money on for the house.  

For one, that light fixture over the kitchen table!  Awful!  Dated!  Half the outlets don't work.  I want to get this one instead: 

Light Fixture

And I have a wonderful handyman who can install it.  I have a bonus coming next year about $200.  I will probably get an electric mower with it.  If I have money left I may get myself a smoker too.  I have been wanting a smoker.  Something small enough I can bring in the house when there's a hurricane coming but big enough to smoke some chicken, links, and burgers.   We'll see.  

I have to get the mower though.  

Amazon is doing a huge cyber Monday thing almost everything on my wishlist is up.  I don't get paid on Monday (laugh) so they will just have to stay there.  I don't know what my budget looks like yet, I need to get the gas and electric bill.  

Everyone I've talked to who has the bill averaging says they feel ripped off by it so I don't want to do that.  It shouldn't be too bad it only really got cold about a week ago and I've had the thermostat about 15 degrees colder than Ron liked.  He would be screaming.  

But he's dead and I work at Walmart.  

Cleo looks so sweet on the couch.  

I find it interesting, I got the Chana Dal which is a dried split chickpeas.  When I get canned chickpeas they are firm and intact in the can.  These have completely fallen apart.  I have a yellow soup with no distinct bean shapes.  They've been cooking about 2 hours.  I stir them every 10 minutes or so.  

One trick I've done with basmati rice is to soak it in the water before I actually cook it.  I'm doing that now, I will put it on to cook around 7 (half an hour).  

I got a can of fava beans in cumin sauce at the import store today, I plan to try it tonight.  If it's a headache trigger I'm off tomorrow and it won't matter.  That's how I have to operate.  I like to try new foods but I am allergic to a lot (I can't go anywhere in the Asian market they have crab everywhere) and others can be headache triggers.  And I have to work for a living and I ride the bus to work.  

There is not much that's worse than riding the bus to work, with a migraine.  So I can see tonight even though I don't really "feel" like it, it's going to be a week before I can try anything new again.  I like cumin and it's not a headache trigger so I'm not worried about that; the fava bean is a question mark.  I grew fava beans years ago.  They were very pretty, ornamental almost, but I didn't eat them.  

I would like to see if I like them and they are OK for me.  If they are I can add them to my diet.  

I said that to the lady at the import market after I paid today "Thank you for improving my cuisine!"  They (her husband works with her) laughed.  

I had a blast at the Import store

 I have been thinking I may need to wear gloves when I grocery shop though, as nuts are everywhere I shop.  I'm also allergic to crab but not likely to find that at an Indo-Pak grocer.  I don't know, is crab Halal?  Considering what crabs eat likely not.  

Anyway they have a "Hamburger helper" type aisle, one side is massive bags of rice and the other side are little boxes of spice kits for dinner.  You take a cup of this, a scoop of that, half a diced onion and a couple tablespoons of the spice mix and there's dinner.  It's just spices.  I think that's cool and totally in line with my affinity for minimally processed foods.  

I got the Urad Dal (black Lentils), I also got some split dried chick peas to make Chana Masala (a bean curry basically).  I also got a jar of minced ginger you can just put a spoonful in a wok or whatever and there's dinner.  I hate mincing things.  

Travel back in time with me for a minute.  In some ways, I struggled a lot in school and they did a lot of testing.  They found my fine motor coordination is not great.  So mincing things can be hard for me.  If I had someone in the kitchen with me I'd put 'em to work chopping things for me.  Ron bought me a mandolin slicer but we both, on different occasions, cut ourselves on it so I got rid of it.  

My gross motor coordination was so bad I was in special Ed for PE.  Yes, they had such a thing.  They would have me walk around a track or something while the other kids played sports.  

The store had tons of ginger/garlic paste which sounded awesome and what I would use if I weren't allergic to garlic and cooking for someone who loved it.  Such a person is not in my life, so I just got the ginger paste, the Chana Masala spice mix, the lentils, and the chickpeas.  I also got some Tandoori spice mix I can use later - it's a pantry item not a meal prep one.  

They had tons of ghee as well and it looked great but it was rico (expensive) so I figured I could just use regular butter.  I have questions about me and coconut oil.  I know coconut itself is a huge migraine trigger for me.  The oil can't be beneficial, it can't.  

I have some EVOO but that does have a distinctive taste.  I need to have a look at our baking aisle at work and see what kind of healthy (not seed) oils we have.  

I now had a bag of unprocessed foods and spices.  Well the chickpeas were split in half I don't know if that counts as processed.  

 I went to my primary grocery store (I had my purchases in a reusable tote bag which I tied shut).  I got some canned diced tomatoes (always good to have on hand) some chicken broth, small cans of seasoned and unseasoned tomato sauce, etc.  

I had a look at the meat.  Every now and then the store has "the ham" seems to be mainly around the holidays.  It is a nice slice of cooked ham for about $2 a pound, I got about a pound.  That will be nice in a stir fry, in a pot of beans, or both.  I got a pound of that.  

I had a look at the chicken (normally I don't) and they had a nice little tray of chicken leg quarters for $3.  I liked it wasn't the "big" 10 pound sack.  I have a hard time eating all that.  This was just a few of them, good for a curry or a soup.  So I got that (that's why I got the stock).  

I got a 5 pound sack of frozen mixed vegetables because I love them, they're healthy, unprocessed, and I will eat them.  I forgot to get the plain lentils but I can do that another day.  I got butter (real butter).  

Personally I think the FDA should ban the sale of margarine.  That stuff is artery paste.  

I checked out and saw my friend again.  The bus driver to go home (a woman) was very friendly as well.  Then I had to walk home with 27 pounds of groceries because I didn't bring my hand cart.  I could do it though and I only needed to stop once.  I was curious how heavy it was so I actually went through everything and calculated the weight.  

I'm going to take a nap!  That's it for now!  

Some thoughts on love

 I was thinking, in the shower, it would be nice to know at least a yes or no if God wants me to remarry.  I was thinking, yesterday, at work: I want a man to pursue me but not too much.  

I already have one stalker.  I don't need another.  But I want to feel like I'm important to someone.  That he misses me, thinks about me.  That he prays for me and my recipients and loves the idea of going on a Handout.  Who will buy me a case of Bibles for a gift.  Someone who loves God, wants to please Him, loves me second.  

That's one thing Ron had trouble with.  His troubles and behavior drove me to God (it was either that or a bad place).  God was first in my life, serving Him, making Him happy.  Ron was second.  He had a lot of trouble with that at first but eventually he realized my desire to please God meant I would take care of Ron even beyond what a "normal" woman would do.  

But it would be nice to look up from my work and see a smiling face.  

It would also be nice to know if I should even bother looking.  If I'm meant to be single I'll accept that - the Bible is pretty clear, a single woman can focus on pleasing God 100% and not worry about making a husband happy, too.  

I just don't know.  

I want a man who loves my cooking

 I have been thinking about that a lot; I want a man who loves my cooking.  Ron was very complex.  If I cooked something he would be very critical.  Sometimes he wouldn't - one or two meals he loved it.  Then he hated it and didn't want me to make it again.  I think it was part of the "crazy making" he did on and off I never knew what to expect, even before he got the Alzheimer's.  

He was actually easy to cook for, after that, he would want the same thing again and again every meal for weeks until he got sick of it and wanted something else.  

But I want a man who loves my cooking, thinks I'm the best.  

He is far too kind to ever say anything but I suspect that's why Buddy asked me to stop bringing him food - he didn't like it.  I don't think that's ever going to come up so I won't know.  

My adoptive Mom wanted a husband who'd be a good cook.  She got a husband who is happy to take her out to dinner.  

I would just like a guy who enjoys my cooking and looks forward to my next creation.  I think I'm pretty good, my friends say I am, but I guess in the end only one opinion matters?  

We'll see.  

Exactly what I expected

 Back in the days I would share all the details of my day at work, what I did, etc.  I have pest issues so I can't share what I do for a living other than a generalized "Walmart Associate".  Sorry, it has to be that way, she has proven she will try to ruin my life if at all possible.  

Someone asked me if she "loves" me.  I don't know if she thinks she does but she does think she knows, better than I, what I need to do with my life.  And I'm not granting her the right to tell me what to do.  

So, that said, I can share some things about my day yesterday.  I expected it would be busy, so I brought 2 meals in my lunch kit.  A pork chop with blackened onion cream gravy over mixed vegetables, and a very nice lentil curry with vegetables and a little bit of rice (I think about 1/4 rice in each serving).  They were both delicious, I ate the curry on my break about 3 hours in and the pork chop on my lunch about 3 hours after that.  

I had to bring a specific item to work.  I got 95% of the way to the bus stop (it was cold too) before I remembered so I had to go back, get it, and go back out to the bus stop.  I should have been able to catch the next bus about 10 minutes later but she was half an hour late so I ended up waiting in the freezing cold for almost an hour.  Not a good start.  

A good start: I wore my compression socks.  They were an expletive to get on but I did it (getting them off when I got home wasn't much easier) but they did a good job and my feet did not hurt all day.  I attribute some of that to eating real foods and the rest to the socks and changing out my shoes regularly (with good insoles).  

So I got to work about 45 minutes later than I had planned but an hour and fifteen minutes before I needed to start.  One of my coworkers had called me on the way asking when I'd start so I knew it was going to be spicy.  My boss called, livid, about half an hour before I started, demanding to know where I was and ordering me to meet her.  I told her I'd be happy to clock in, early.  

That took her aback.  I think she assumed I started at 9 or 10, not 10:30.  She said to wait until scheduled and hung up.  I did that.  

I got to work immediately and was busy all day.  I did see some cute fleece PJ pants for $5.  

I should probably put in a note about my shoes.  I wear a very basic $18 shoe from the men's department, the Athletic Works.  I pimp it out with some Airplus insoles (the blue gel one first and then he gray work insole on top).  I get the 11 W in Men's.  I have really big feet and they have gone up 2 sizes since I started working at Walmart.  On average, on a work day, I walk about 8 miles a day.  The whole setup costs about $35 and I try to rotate them every 2 months or so.  Works for me, my feet love them and are happy.  I'm all about making my feet happy.  

But the shoes are ugly so I got some cute laces last time.  That's what you see in the photo.  And my very old straight leg jeans.  

So I put in a good day.  I bought the pants on my lunch actually and then got laundry detergent on my way home.  I have the house pretty cold trying to save on bills.  I am fine, I have warm slippers which I've found are pretty vital.  

The cats are good, only Spotty slept with me for some reason but it was nice having him.  Biscuit seemed to spend the night in my computer chair and Cleo likes the couch near the kitchen table.  

I plan to buy a small space heater for the bathroom when I take my shower but for now I turned up the heater a little prior to that.  I will probably wait until I can use my discount (after the 8th we get an additional one time discount) on that.  I can only use it in store.  

That's it for now; I don't have much planned.  

Day in pictures

 

3 hugs

 Yesterday I told God part of my men issues stem from a lack of physical touch.  I asked God to send me a hug.  

One coworker came by where I was working very stressed.  I asked if she would like a hug and she almost tackled me.  

Later on a team lead I like (single man) gave me a hug when he saw the work I had done.  My team lead is a woman.  She loans me to him now and then.  

I'm not dating at work and certainly not a team lead.  The man in question has said that on more than one occasion - that he wouldn't mix dating and work.  So no worries on that but it was a very nice hug.  

On my way out another male employee flagged me down, came over, and gave me a hug while wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving.  

That's 3 times what I was hoping for.  

Bible Handout update - Feliz dia de polvo (Happy Day of the Turkey)

 Thanksgiving can be a really hard holiday for people; like after Ron died, even though I had supportive family it was really rough. When Ron was alive sometimes I still felt very alone. Ron's family always did Thanksgiving as a big family holiday and he didn't want to celebrate after they disowned him.

Plus my own track record with depression: I KNOW it can be the worst day of the year. And that's what drove me as I threw 2 cases of Bibles and my Handout stuff in the cart and headed out to Acres Homes today.

The bus was pretty empty, just a couple older guys by themselves. I got to the venue and set up. It was overcast, chilly (upper 50's) and windy. I did something different; I had thermals on under my jeans and the safety orange t shirt I wear while working. It was very cozy and not too hot as I ran around.

I had a lot of singles and couples in cars wanting Bibles, one SUV with both parents and 2 kids everyone wanted a Spanish Bible. I had a lady who wanted an English and a Spanish Bible so she could teach herself English and she was thrilled when I gave her the last Bilingual New Testament.

I had a very nice guy and his friend, he specifically asked for prayer as he's hunting for a job. I put my hand on his shoulder and prayed aloud before the light changed and they drove off.

I pray for the recipients on at least a daily basis. I have taken to wearing a hair tie on my right wrist and praying when I see it.

The most interesting recipient, by far, was a very thin, rough looking Latino guy in a wheelchair. He wanted a Spanish Bible, which I gave him. He showed me a tract someone had given him that referenced various Bible verses but he didn't have a Bible to look them up. He said "I'm going to find someone to give me some turkey" and rolled off into the neighborhood.

I have to ride the bus, and I dearly love my bus drivers as they give me my independence and enable me to live on my own. I have been blowing kisses at them as they drive by when I do a Handout (and other cars as led by the Holy Spirit). Today they started blowing kisses back (the lady drivers) which I found fun. And honking. Both the men and the women drivers did that. I'd wave, they'd honk.

All told I gave away about 50 Bibles in a little under 2 hours. I went back to the bus stop and didn't have to wait long.

I fixed myself a couple of turkey dogs to tide me over until I make dinner.

To God be the Glory! PLEASE pray for the recipients!

Clarifying the post...

 When I'm on my phone I type with one finger, that's just how I do it.  So I'm fairly quick but I can't do long blogs.  

What did I mean in the below post when I said Ron "had" to marry me?  

We met in Spring of '92.  At first my parents were OK with the relationship as I got some bad news and they were worried how I'd take it - Ron seemed to cheer me up, they thought, so what was the harm?  By the time they realized things had gotten serious it was too late.  Ron was sneaking around with me even after my Dad threatened him with prison and Ron verified, he could end up with a 20 year sentence.  

He was my first (before my 18th birthday I might add) and he was talking marriage, long term commitment.  I moved in with him and found out he had been dating other women the whole time but I had already burned my bridges with my family.  I got depressed.  

Ron didn't keep himself clean which set me up for an unending cycle of bladder and yeast infections for the next 30 years.  Not once did one of my doctors ever think to talk to him about his hygienic practices.  

So Ron used that as an excuse, I was "sickly" I was depressed, he wanted a fun (manic) woman.  This went on for 11 years he had all kinds of excuses.  it was very uncomfortable talking to my Dad about it too as Dad would ask why I wasn't getting married.  

Ron got run over.  He woke up in the hospital, his family had abandoned him.  They had decided they weren't interested in helping.  I kept saying I would do the icky things just help me with rides now and then (that is truly all I ever needed over the next 18 years).  Nope.  

So he wakes up alone.  I'm there, so's my very sympathetic aunt and uncle.  No one else.  He called a few of his friends who told him I had been devoted, loyal, whatever you want to call it.  I took him home in a diaper, catheter, wheelchair, stroked out, sternal precautions, can't use right arm at all.  And I did a decent job.  He kept trying to call his family but they wouldn't take his calls, or hung up quickly.  

He's not stupid, even after the head injury he knew it was me or the Medicaid nursing home.  And I had a condition: we would have to get married so I had legal rights.  

I had many, many, problems because I was not the wife or power of attorney.  

So he married me.  Overall he appreciated I stuck around (I was making God happy, not Ron, or myself, which is the only reason I made it the last couple years), especially at the end he would praise me to the skies every time I brought him a drink of water.  

If I remarry I want him to do it because he can't live without me.  That's all.  

Some morning thoughts

 I have been in this chair for over an hour with Biscuit in my lap.  I have been thinking about Ron. 

How he didn't really have a choice about marrying me.  

How I have a lot of baggage, some of it unknown at the time.  

Deep down I wonder about any man signing up for that.  

Biscuit loves me.  I value that.  Will anyone else?  I don't know; I wish I did.  

If I opened my Bible and it said "Heather you're going to die single" I would work on accepting that and making my.life rich. 

For instance the Handouts are very important to me.  I'm going to keep doing them now matter what unless God calls me off.  

In the meantime I will sit in my chair under a purring old house cat and love him back.  

Wednesday night

 A nice dull ride home.  

I need to clean the kitchen tomorrow; I'm too tired tonight.  #6 is having a party but it's pretty quiet so far.  

Friday I work 10-7 that's going to be a spicy day.  But then I have the weekend off which will be very easy.  I want to get some Urad Dal (black lentils) and maybe some spices but that's it.  I have several different curry powders I want to figure out which one I like best.  Or maybe there's a curry for every occasion, I don't know.  We'll see.  

I'm going to go to bed early.  

Wednesday noon.

 Something told me to wait yesterday, getting off Buddy's bus.  And I was right, he wanted to talk to me.  

Monday, I saw, to my horror, an awful woman who rides my home route, waiting at Buddy's stop.  She works in the medical field and loves to call in bogus comments on wonderful drivers.  So I warned Buddy in a low voice before I left.  

He was a little confused so I explained.  Then I wished him a wonderful holiday.  He said thank you.  He had taken off his sunglasses and has wonderful eyes.  

I want good things for him.  Does that include me?  Not likely.  But I want him to be happy and truly loved.  I am happy to see him now and then and get one of those killer smiles.  

I went home and made pork chops in cream gravy.  They turned out so well I ended up with Cleo trying to steal my dinner!  She will get her own, unseasoned, pork chop next time.  

Then I went to bed.  I need to clean the kitchen when I get home and do up the Bibles.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 The last bus ride was not so nice.  A woman sat her toddler next to me on top of my reusable tote bag (not large) which I put next to me so people don't bother me.  The kid spent the whole trip either going through the bag or trying to go through the bag.  I even rolled the top closed and she opened it.  The mother just sat there and watched, probably hoping her kid would find a cell phone, wallet, or credit card.  I don't keep valuables there but I did have Excedrin.  The kid had a tablet by the way.  It was incredibly rude especially as there was plenty of other seating on the bus.  

I don't have an easy mission field.  

Work today.  It is colder out so I'm bringing my coat.  

That's it for now!  

A nice ride with Buddy

 We talked a little.  I told him basically it is very important for me to do a Handout on Thanksgiving he didn't know what to make of that.  He took off his sunglasses as it was getting dark.  

What is a nice Christian thing to say?  He is better looking than I thought.  

What is funny my first boyfriend was very good looking but he was a complete head case who, last I heard, was homeless.  

So, for me, good looks were a turn off.  One reason I ran off with Ron.  I guess I am changing.  

Senor Gato

 I am so blessed to have Biscuit (he is fine).  We have a really sweet bedtime routine.  He sleeps to my left, on a special pillow.  I wrap my arm around him.  

One lovely thing about him, he doesn't mind kisses so he gets a lot.  It's not good for my allergies but I don't mind.  As far as I can tell he stays all night.  

I'm gone pretty much every day I work but we do have the nights.  The other cats come and go but he stays.  It's very sweet.  

He knows the usual routine and is very good meeting me at the door.  If I get a ride he is out partying at some other house!  He is always embarrassed when he walks in and I'm already home.  

That's it for now! 

Some break time thoughts

 I haven't had an acne issue in a very long time.  I had terrible skin as a teenager but improved dramatically when I began supplementing with vitamin Am. 

I see women walking around wearing pimple patches and I think it looks worse than the acne.  Just my take.  

I had some nice cat cuddles on my time off.  I really enjoy them.  Unfortunately for Spotty he has no manners so the other cats don't let him very close.  Kind of like Baby girl and Torbie limited access to Ron, Biscuit and Cleo limit access to me.  I still find ways to love Spotty but it takes a little work.  

I got a few dry groceries before work so I just need to buy the milk on the way out.  I bought some Friday night but forgot to put it in the fridge when I got home.  

That's it for now.  

I told you this was coming

 https://www.yahoo.com/news/mayor-adams-calls-involuntary-removal-120022841.html

Sunday dinner time

 Well I went through the pictures.  The majority were ones I sent her, some of Ron and I working together before the accident, some post accident ones of Ron and I at the beach.  But there were a few baby photos and some of my mother with me.  

She was very thin her whole life (eating disorder?) and looked troubled in all the photos.  I have already disclosed enough about my private details so no posting photos.  Too easy to figure out her maiden name with an image search.  Nope, nope, nope.  

My sister was right, though - there was a cat when I was a toddler.  She included a photo of me with the cat.  I can't figure out how to attach it.  It shows a chubby toddler Heather, no glasses (so probably under 18 months) sitting on the floor just happy as anything, next to a brown tabby cat eating out of a bowl.  

That's how it started!  

And while I was working my washer was making ghastly noises.  I opened the door to the laundry room and found the washer sideways in the enclosure, it had rattled that hard.  

Poor washer!  I apologized profusely.  When Ron was alive, nothing, and I mean nothing, freaked him out more than an out of balance washer.  He would emit bloodcurdling screams.  Good thing he's gone today.  

The clothes are clean so there's that, I got them in the dryer.  I needed the vest for this week.  

I need to figure out dinner.  

Sunday afternoon

 I had a fun market run.  I wore my baggy sweatpants, a looser fit t shirt, and a light jacket.  I had my hair back in a ponytail.  I went to the import market first.  It seems to be a real community center.  Most times when I go they just have one owner/family member there, today they had at least 2.  I didn't go around the meat counter but they probably had another one back there.  

They didn't have the henna I like but that's OK.  I looked at their rice/spice aisle and got various spices.  I also got a porridge thing it was a couple pounds of grains and small beans mixed together.  It looked like the kind of thing I'd enjoy.  

I love cooking whole wheat - simmered on the stove.  So good!  And this had that in it.  It should be fun to cook up.  I also got some Kashmiri chili, which I wasn't looking for, but it's only $3 and I had been wanting.  And some Madras curry, my Caribbean friend at work swears by that as "the best".  I spent about $20 and I'm happy to help a small business/family.  

I tied up the bag and put it in the bottom of my cart (I had left the cart off in the corner when I did my shopping at the import market).  Then I went to the discount grocery.  It was only about 10.  It was insane.  I felt so bad for my friend the cashier (she was working so I got in her lane).  She said she is ringing up all kinds of freaky fruits and vegetables including "A brown thing this big with green spikes all over it".  

I found some pork chops, I also got some Zummo's sausage as I love it, and some hot dog buns for it to go to work.  Then I thought the hot dog bun pack (they only have the one size at the budget price) is 16 buns so I got a 50 cent package of chicken dogs (not bad with a little BBQ sauce).  You get the idea.  

I also got a little pack of the containers I like - a 3 cup rectangle with a snap on lid, 4 for $2.  I balanced it all in my cart and just missed a bus.  

If the bus driver knows me and expects me at a certain time, it's been my experience they'll wait.  But if they don't know me how do they know to wait when I'm halfway across the parking lot?  100% on me.  I was glad I had gotten some frozen veggies to help keep the meats and kale (I got a big bag of chopped kale) cold.  

The next driver knows me and we had a good chat before she dropped me off.  A man got off, actually pushed his way past me as I was getting up, so I "let" him go well ahead of me before I started.  I had my cart (I use it for groceries, and Bible Handouts) so it was easy getting home.  

I checked the mail and rolled my eyes when I saw the package.  My half sister plays a lot 

First of all I have to say my mother had 3 living children, all of us had hellish childhoods in our own ways.  My brother and I did alright I think but she plays a lot of head games and divorced her oddball husband after 27 years when a couple of specialists said he was high functioning autistic and could not be "fixed".  She used something else as an excuse but you get the idea.  

Me, I'm a romantic.  I married a blind man in a wheelchair (that one gets some interesting responses when I tell that story) and cared for him until the literal day he died.  My Dad mentioned once he thought I had Attachment disorder and I probably do, from what I recall reading on it.  If you're "on" with me I'm ride or die until the bitter end.  If you're "Off" (like my inlaws) it's a hard road back.  

About 30 years ago someone, not my parents, destroyed the album of my baby and childhood photos.  My Dad was very upset.  When my sister said she had "A lot" of baby photos I asked for copies or scans for my Dad.  She kept making excuses.  

My sister is a hard core hoarder just like you would see on the TV show.  Her trailer was so cluttered I had piles of junk teetering over the bed every time I stayed with her, and the last time there was so much furniture wedged into the hall I got stuck in the middle of the night trying to go to the bathroom.  She had little "pig trails" through piles of stuff about 5 feet high.  I lost my balance going through it one time and touched a pile of stuff to steady myself, she began screaming at me.  I could go on, you get the idea.  

And she rents.  She has moved around a few times.  She mentioned she was "downsizing" and "would be mailing a lot of photos and things" to various family members.  Yeah, right I thought.  

Well on my way home I checked the mail and there's a packet.  I don't want to open it.  I will, for Dad, otherwise I'd throw the whole thing in the trash.  I don't need anything she has for me.  

Why is she "off"?  Well a couple of things.  If you look up how to help a battered woman one of the things they say is "Let her know you are there for her no matter what".  My aunt was good at that.  My parents less so.  But I felt secure calling all of them the day Ron died, for instance.  

My sister is in a cult.  She has tried to force it on me many, many, times including sending me copies of "her" Bible (Revelation has some pretty strong things to say about those who add to the Bible), which I threw out - the only time I ever did that.  She would also force me to attend several services every time I went to visit her (only about a week each time, and 7-8 meetings each time).  She would say things like "I won't rest until you are a real sister (church member)".  She also told me several times she would "Help me get away" from Ron (as you have seen it was years after his death before I could even admit he'd been abusive) by moving in with her and becoming "her" caregiver.  Frying pan, meet fire.  

She craves a lot of attention.  I suspect it was a case the only time our mother ever paid her any attention was when she was sick so she was sick a lot.  And that carried into adulthood.  She was fine after she got married and raised her kids for about 15 years, then it's suddenly "I have had all these health problems my whole life".  She also really, really, wanted a bipolar diagnosis, but she never qualified.  Her psychiatrist eventually gave her a "Bipolar NOS" (not otherwise specified) to shut her up.  She was obese her whole life, wrecked her knees, had knee replacements (I could have told her that wouldn't work), and it didn't work.  So now she has mobility issues.

Anyway I suspect the landlord is saying she's got to clean out that hoard or get evicted, so she's finally going through things.  And I have these photos.  

I have wondered off and on if she is my stalker.  I suspect she may be a stalker but not the.  I could be wrong on that.  But I am very careful what I put on Facebook and the blog now.  I know for sure she follows the blog but eavesdroppers never hear good things about themselves.  

I have had a vicious headache the last several days.  It's not food, I have played around with that.  It's got to be hormones or blood pressure.  I suspect hormones.  Today has been horrible.  It's a lovely day, sunny, but oh that sun was killing me.  I need to find my Cat Lady hat for tomorrow so I can wear it home.  The sun can be very bright at the bus stop.  

That's it for now!  

Walmart split my days off again

 So I have today off, and Thanksgiving for the fiscal week and then Saturday and Sunday next weekend.  Not bad for the end of the week but tomorrow's going to suck.  

I will do a post about this later but I have been on a hunt, for a long time, for the mauve lipstick I remember from my young womanhood.  I loved a good mauve lipstick.  

A lot of women are into red; and I can do red, feel confident in it, but my go to is the mauve.  But lately all they have had is purple (like the Cherry Picking I wear that gets me all the compliments), raisin (dark purple), browns, bright red, and some pinks.  

But, yesterday I found a nice mauve, better yet it was on clearance for a dollar.  It was the Wet and Wild.  I got it, applied it.  Liked how I looked every time I looked in a mirror at the bathroom (which I do, now), and bought the other one on my way out.  I'll get a photo.  

Yesterday all day I had a bad headache.  Today, too.  I have things I need to do as today's my only day off in almost a week and everything will be closed Thanksgiving.  Well one grocery store may be open but I'm not feeding that.  

I got the laundry started, just one load as I am trying to spare my washer.  I had some good cuddles with the cats.  I looked up a Youtube video on how to open my Salsa Huichol.  Got it open.  I like having a little bottle of hot sauce in my lunch bag.  

I find it interesting that I have a couple of hot sauces now and use them regularly.  

I'm going to do my God Time.  I often get a 2-3 cat pileup in my lap when I do, it's fun.  

I sent a letter to the mayor.

 Dear Mr Mayor, 

As a long time constituent ([redacted] area code) I always enjoyed reading your newsletters about the progress you were making and I was DELIGHTED when you were elected.  I am very impressed with your progress so far.  

I live in the county but this issue affects both of us: you are working on the homeless problem.  It is very, very, bad on the bus.  In September of this year I witnessed a homeless woman (she was bragging about it after the assault) assault a driver physically.  After she was arrested the driver began sobbing, saying "I'm only trying to feed my kids, this is the second time!"  She was only in her 20's.  I have not seen that driver again.  That was the [redacted] bus and it's my primary route as it runs right past my home.  

I am a disabled, widow who works at Walmart.  I'm just trying to pay my bills and be a taxpaying member of society.  I want to be a light bringer and bring joy to those around me.  When I ride the [redacted] there are many, many homeless who ride the bus.  They bring on dripping bags of garbage, smell terrible, are often intoxicated, and harass people like me who are just trying to get to work.  They don't pay, are aggressive and combative with the drivers who are just trying to make a living.  Company policy, I am told, states they must pick up anyone who wants to ride regardless of their ability to pay or whether they are a known trouble maker.  

I was assaulted on the [redacted]  bus back in June - a young man was angry I didn't want to talk and cut off my ponytail with a knife.  Metro police, when contacted, were not interested and laughed at me.  Even worse, when they asked me "What do you want us to do?" I asked them to put some undercovers on the buses.  He laughed at me, said "That's not going to happen" and hung up.  He went after me with a knife!  I felt more violated by MPD than I did my assailant.  As far as I know he was not homeless but it's indicative of the problem.  

I turned my assault for good and made some long overdue, positive, life changes.  God works all things for good if you let HIm.  

But please also work on the bus issue with the homeless.  Metro bus wants "nice" people to ride the bus.  No one is riding the bus now unless it's a last resort (like me) because the rides are so horrific.  My coworkers often ask me about my ride to work and it's often a bad one.  Many of them live on [redacted]  and might consider riding the bus to work if it were a safer, cleaner, option.  

But why are we letting people on the bus we would not allow in our car?  To TOUCH our car?  It's hypocritical to ask someone like me to endure that (for an hour and a half each way) every day when they don't deal with it themselves.  

Thank you for listening.  I'm really glad you made it!  

Sincerely, 
Heather (last name, address, phone number)

He has been very aggressive in confronting the homeless problem and is not afraid to crack some heads, fire people as needed, etc.  Just what this city needs.  I am sorry I couldn't vote for him (I'm in the county).  I figured he would like to know what's really happening on the bus, not what the board is feeding him.  

Well, coconut is out

 I have a process of elimination for food allergens and basically if it makes me sick twice it is out.  It made me sick twice.  I have a very nasty headache and some nausea.  

And I have to go to work!  

I made it home

 No Buddy tonight, as expected.  My other driver was gone, too, and they had it as a training route.  That's half my rides today.  

I hope they didn't fire him.  We'll call him Elton because he's gay - really - has a husband and everything.  I love him to bits that would suck if he's gone.  

I decided to make chili lentils tonight and found out red lentils are good for that, so when I got home I dragged out my jar of lentils - I have a couple different bags, including some red ones.  I got those going.  I did slightly burn them (halfway done at this point) and I feel bad about that - the house doesn't smell great either.  

Basically what I did is lentils, cumin, chili powder, salt.  The lentils are almost done so I added some rice because I like lentils and rice (not to mention it makes a better protein).  I had lentils and rice for lunch actually and it was very filling.  I wasn't hungry at 7:30 PM when I ate some porridge so I could take my pills.  

Once the rice is done I'm going to cook it down a bit and then add some tomato sauce, taste it, cook it down some more, maybe add some oregano.  I have stuff I can eat tomorrow but I'm trying to cook a few days ahead.  

I think it would also be excellent with some shredded cheese.  

I talked to my parents, and my aunt.  I try to talk to my aunt on the way home from work every week or so.  That seems to be a good time.  She's doing well.  

My parents are doing alright but Mom's coming down with something.  Hopefully just a cold and hopefully she does not pass it to Dad.  Every time Dad gets a cold it turns to pneumonia.  

Tomorrow's a long day but it shouldn't be too bad.  That's it for now!  

At work

 Ace told me once it's hard for him to deal with disrespectful customers.  He ruminates - although he doesn't use the word.  

Today's driver was, too.  An obese older man "I haven't ridden the bus in 20 years" got on the bus and wanted to sit in his walker. At the same time an unrelated older lady in a wheelchair "I'm new to Houston" was riding as well.  She clearly had very limited bus riding experience as well, she kept going off if people got near her but the bus was packed.  

If she wanted her space she should have booked a ride with para transit.  The driver was catching a lot of attitude from both.  The walker was a clear safety hazard so he parked the bus and called dispatch as the man refused to sit in a seat.  

The walker user and the driver got into it verbally with a lot of bad language on the customers part.  The old lady was chiming in shouting about bus delays.  

Eventually the man sat in a regular seat and we got going again.  The bus driver was supposed to be training a new driver and he went on a 20 minute tirade about "these people" which got walker guy fired up again too. After he got off the driver did another tirade.  I don't think the driver is going to make it very long.  

It was exhausting.  Sometimes I really wonder about my mission field.  

If a customer is rude to me I let it go, hopefully after praying for them.  One thing I admire so, so, much about Buddy is his calm and easy going attitude no matter what happens.  

I hope whoever I end up with is like that. 

Tuesday night

 I like to stay up for a little bit after I take my pills so I'll do a quick blog.  

Work was OK.  I saw Buddy.  The bus was full of fruitcakes.  When I ride I will say hello when I get on, give him some candy if I have it.  As far as I know he is still unreached and I think it's important.  And even if he did get saved I'd still give him candy just because he's a good man and a hard worker on a thankless, awful, route.  

So I did that, and sat down.  He didn't say anything to me.  Now and then, riding, I might make a general remark on something to open the door to conversation if he'd like (maybe 1 in 3 or 4 rides).  He doesn't talk.  I respect that.  

So I rode in silence.  He is still my favorite driver because he has a very smooth driving style and he very seldom gets annoyed.  He did have an awful passenger get on who was cursing him out, etc.  Buddy handled it very well I felt.  

I had a very nice box from work, I think the cats will enjoy it.  My boss said it is OK to take that kind of box if I'd like I just can't take the "break pack" (store issued reusable, we are charged for each one) boxes.  Very reasonable.  

I know tomorrow is his "off" day and I also know he likes to work overtime on his off day.  So, when I got off I said, sincerely "I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow, even if you work".  

"Thanks!" he said, surprised.  "Wait a minute, what's in that box?" with a killer grin.  

Oh, I would do a lot for that smile.  [sigh]

I told him "Stuff from work, the box is for the cat".  He made an affirmative to that and I got off and caught my other bus.  

My other bus driver is probably 180 degrees different; he is very gay, married, talks about his husband a lot.  He is a different race.  He talks about "Those bitches" a lot which I find hysterical.  I love him to bits and he knows that.  I asked him to bid again on the route and he's thinking about it.  I think they bid in a couple of weeks.  

And Buddy - he has said he may not bid again.  I would miss him.  I shudder to think about my rides home.  But it would be less complicated.  I can see both sides.  

I do hope he bids again..  

That's it for now.  

Ran into a former coworker

 It's oddly comforting for me to hear that my boss is toxic.  

I saw a current coworker she seems stressed so I think the boss is spicy today. 

Give me what I need, Lord.  

Very early Tuesday

The neighbors behind me, the ones Cleo likes, were setting off fireworks last night around 11 PM to midnight.  Why?  I don't know.  They did some fireworks for the start of Diwali last month.  They must be good people because Cleo likes them but why?  

Needless to say I did not sleep well.  I did manage to beat the headache.  

It's cold this morning, in the 50's, so I think I will wear my jacket and not the hoodie.  I don't think the hoodie will be warm enough.  That means I have to lug the jacket around all day but I really hate being cold.  

My spicy boss is there for my whole shift today.  I am hoping she is busy, not picking on me all day.  

I need to take my shower.  That's done, I need to run out of here in a minute.  

That's it for now.  

Another lesson learned

 Stir fry and evening medication do not get along!  I got pretty sick but happily kept everything down.  

Interestingly enough my meds love lentils which I have in abundance.  I will just take my pills with the lentils.  

I slept OK for me, I'm eating some porridge I cooked up on Saturday.  I cooked it with some cut up Granny Smith apples and some dried fruit, I also put a little "real" maple syrup on top.  It's pretty good.  

I am trying to focus on whole grains, complete proteins if at all possible.  I'm serving the lentils with either rice or cheese to do that.  

I had a glitch with my account recently.  I was getting emails with my bank statement every day.  My aunt is also on the account which is relevant.  I also put my Dad on the account to get the savings account balance every day.  They signed him up for everything and like most people I don't want my Dad knowing my every transaction.  So I asked them to take him off the checking email.  They did.  They also took me off the checking email and they can't seem to put me back.  That is very frustrating.  

Other than this I do love my bank.  

Spotty's home, meowing at me.  He wants me to do my God Time so he can get in my lap for treats.  

The problem with leaving the house in the dark; I can't "read" the sky to see if it's going to rain.  I have my poncho that's about all I can do.  

I don't plan to bring a lot of junk with me to work.  Some things I can't avoid but I'm trying to pare it down.  I'm going to go through my backpack after I do my God Time and purge anything I don't need today.  

Later: 

My aunt fixed things with the bank, we hope.  I had a 3-cat pileup in my lap during my Bible Study, Cleo fell off and scratched my arm on her way down.  So all day I was smiling when I'd see the scratch on my arm (not bad).  

Work was OK.  

I saw Buddy on the way home.  He didn't want to talk; I respect that.  I don't think he is interested.  There is a chance he is, somewhat, but also conflicted because I don't match what he wants in a woman.  There is a chance of that maybe 5% I'd say.  The other 95% he is not interested and has his own issues.  

I will say it was notable he ran over a curb that has never caused him any problems before.  I think he had something on his mind I don't know what.  I am not good at reading men.  

To add insult to injury, I had a homeless guy checking me out at the bus stop.  A thug on the bus kept looking at me trying to figure out if I'd reciprocate.  And the married guy at work, who flirts outrageously,  called me "sweetheart" which my boss overheard.  She was teasing me about him until I told her (this is not the critical one) he's married then she agreed NO WAY.  

Can I please be appealing to a DECENT man, please?  

I did text a confidante today I don't understand why I even have a drive at all.  I asked God to take that unless He wanted me to remarry.  He took it for a while, now it's back.  And there is no husband.  And why do I have a drive anyway?  My meds are supposed to kill all that; and my age.  But it's there.  

Being a practicing evangelical Christian I am not going to do anything about it except pray.  It's inconvenient and embarrassing.  I don't need thoughts in my head.  I really thought I was done with this.  

Highly unusual for me, I was working on a migraine when I got off the bus.  So I took some Aleve, cold diet iced tea, and some chips.  Hopefully that will kill it.  

Worst case my migraines last about 12 hours on average and it will be wrapping up when it's time to leave for work.  

That's it for now!  

Well that was sad

 I have been talking to a couple of guys including the morning bus driver and a security guard at work.  The guard was parking his truck by the bus stop when I got off every morning.  

Today the morning driver was pretty terse so I didn't talk.  A young lady in her 20's got on.  She stood next to him and they had a very animated discussion.  So much for that.  

I got off the bus and saw the truck in another location.  He was riveted to a cell phone video.  He wasn't looking for me that was obvious, and I wasn't happy he was not doing his job, either.  I don't care what a man does but do it well.  

I came in the building and went to the bathroom.  My hair just looked awful and very thin on top.  And I can't find my hair brush.  

I have the usual "It's going to rain" headache but I took something.  

That's it for now.  

It's going to get better.  

I am OK with my heart.  The way I see it I have to take some chances.  If God wants me to remarry He will bring the right man at the right time.  

If not I had a pileup of 3 cats in my lap this morning!  

Sunday night

I made coconut curry lentils.  They are good but could use more curry powder - I used 1.5 t for a cup of dry lentils.  Next time I will use 2 t or maybe even a whole tablespoon.  

I took a nap; got up and washed out my hair.  I am happy with it.  

Then I went to the kitchen and got to work making my stir fry.  It is tedious cutting up the meat.  I really need a quality knife - the one I have is not very good.  But I got it done.  

I used coconut oil, sesame oil, "double black" soy sauce I bought at the Asian market, some black pepper, a little ginger.  I cooked the rice and the ramen noodles, which I drained (I learned this hack online).  Then I cooked the chicken, set that aside, then did the vegetables.  I had a fair amount of juice in the pan so I made a sauce with some cornstarch in cold water.  I put the veggies off to the side and then put the sauce off to the side as well.  I added a little more oil and soy sauce, threw the noodles in there for a minute or two, set them aside (a lot of dishes, after, which are done).  Lastly I did the rice.  

Then I combined it: 2 noodles meals (one of which became dinner) and 2 rice meals.  Chicken thigh, starch, veggies, sauce I made.  

I've decided I need to be more active in managing my food allergies and cook the majority of what I eat.  The stir fry was very good.  No MSG, no garlic.  Nothing to provoke a headache.  I suspect most of my food allergy issues manifest as a next-day headache.  And I know I can eat everything I put in my food today.  

And the freezer is full  The hash browns keep falling out I need to hurry up and cook them.  I may make more breakfast casserole when I get groceries.  

I'm glad, when I made lentils, I made them 2 very different ways and didn't make much in each batch.  So I won't get sick of them.  And I have a nice variety of foods, roast pork, beef and barley soup, spaghetti, stir fry, 2 kinds of lentils.  

My rice pot got some good use but one star this weekend was my fine mesh strainer.  It was very useful with the lentils in particular.  I like to soak my lentils and pour off the water, I don't get gas when I do that.  I know I lose some nutrition doing that and I'm OK with that.  I could pour them in the strainer and not worry about my drain.  It fit 1-2 cups soaked lentils quite nicely.  

Happily I can say I actually use pretty much everything in my kitchen except the coffee pot.  And that, I keep for guests.  

I don't need to take a shower tomorrow as I took one tonight and it's not hot.  That's it for now!  

Sunday noon

 My hair is growing incredibly fast.  It must be the henna, I am not doing anything different with my supplements.  I also notice it is not as thin on top.  

Good reasons to use it even IF everyone didn't love the color, myself included.  I really fought red hair for a very long time because I have a complicated relationship with my step/adoptive Mom.  She has red hair.  She still dyes it but she goes to the salon.  She, by the way, is THRILLED to have a "redheaded daughter" as her bio daughter is a natural brunette who dyes her hair blonde.  

Anyway fast growth = roots!  An illustrative photo from this morning (I did not wash my hair yesterday as I used a clarifying shampoo today after I took the photo).  

I don't think it's obvious in the photo but it is obvious when I look in the mirror!  So I made up a small batch of henna, 1/4 cup dry powder with the usual additions, I also used strong brewed tea instead of water for the base.  I think I mentioned that already.  Anyway I got that on, had plenty left so I froze it.  That will be enough for another root treatment in a week or two.  It was easy to apply, a lot easier than my usual routine.  I wrapped up the affected area (hairline and part area) with plastic wrap, put on a shower cap (only one as I didn't do the whole head).  Then I put on a conditioning cap I think it is.  

It's hot pink and I'm wearing a ratty oversized red t shirt so I'm not putting up a photo.  But it is a little more stylish than plastic wrap on my head.  

I finished the green chili stew and made some rice (accompaniment) with some of the meat juice and a little bit of the spices I used making the pork.  I have very strong opinions that supplemental carbs (pasta, rice) should have seasoning when cooked so the pasta goes with Italian seasoning.  Rice goes with a little of what I cooked the protein.  

Anyway I wanted to make some more lentils so I decided to use my bona fide curry powder (from the import store), a little onion, some coconut oil (the trick to a curry is to saute the aromatics and spices in a little oil/butter before adding the liquid and lentils), and ginger powder.  I love ginger and a ginger curry sounded good.  I also added a little coconut milk (I put that, and some ginger, in the rice).  The lentils I'm using are pretty old so they're going to be a while cooking.  

Later on I will do the stir fry.  I'm going to try to take a nap when the lentils are done.  It may be a little problematic with my hair, we'll see.  

That's it for now!  

I forgot to add it has been raining (hard) off and on all day.  Spotty got caught in it, came home, gave me some very aggravated meows.  He doesn't like getting wet and thinks I can turn off the rain.  

Very early Sunday

 I woke up around 1.  No headache, I just can't sleep.  I checked on the green chili stew, it needs another couple hours.  

I want to do a little henna at my hairline.  A lot of the websites say it helps your hair grow and I'm starting to agree.  So I am going to do a small experiment.  It's suggested at times to make the henna with strong tea.  I made the tea.  My roots come in gray so the henna makes it orange/red.  Maybe the tea will make it more red or auburn.  We will see.  It's not a major whole head 6 hour commitment. The nice thing about this I will be able to wear my glasses while I do it, I think.  

It's raining but not hard, and the cats are good.  It's a little cool but not bad.  Biscuit wanted me to open the door to the garage yesterday so I did that.  I will close it again when it gets cold.  I prop it with a small dumbbell.  

Today the plan is to make some rice to go with the stew, get that portioned out and a lot of it frozen.  Then make the stir fry with maybe some ramen noodles (cook and drain the noodles, then add to the stir fry) or rice (make another batch).  The vegetables I am using for the stir fry will freeze OK.  So I can put some of that in the freezer, too, and I should be good for meals for a couple of weeks.  

I also need to make a grocery shopping list; I need some more food.  

That's it for now!  

Saturday afternoon

 I decided to make some Italian lentils, basically lentils with Italian seasoning in tomato sauce.  Ron and I were poor pretty much our whole time with the exception of about 5 years a while ago.  Back in the early 90's the grocery budget was horrible and Ron suggested I cook beans.  I didn't really know how.  

So I did what I do and I went to the library, and checked out a bean cookbook.  One thing it said was never, EVER, add tomato or any sort of acid during the cook, add it at the end when it's done and then cook it down a little.  He liked pintos (I don't, and I detest cooking them).  He didn't want any other bean so I developed a pretty intense (and unreasonable) hatred of pintos.  

When I cook beans now I make lentils, they cook much faster and I like the size.  So I am cooking the lentils with the spices only, then I will add the tomato sauce later and then cook it down a little.  I don't like soupy lentils any more than I like pintos.  

I have some grated sharp cheddar I think will go very nicely with them.  It will be a change of pace for me.  Complete protein with the cheese.  

I love that I have a kitchen window.  I never tire of it.  I saw the mailman going up the driveway next door carrying a huge box and an "I HATE my job" expression on his face.  My route, a lot like my department at work, has a very high turnover I have been through countless carriers in my 20 years here.  

So I did something nice for him, doesn't matter what.  Then I went back to my cooking.  

That is the sad thing about delivery, someone has to BRING it.  Something to think about.  

That from the lady who wants a large stockpot for Christmas and maybe a anti fatigue floor mat.  I am buying myself a good kitchen knife, that is a given, but I could use those.  I need to put the mat on my Amazon wish list, I'm going to go do that now.  

Done.  #6 has some rare time to himself.  He likes to play loud music and putter.  So I turned up my music.  

Lentils are done.  Green chili stew is started.  I don't want a lot of appliances but I am glad I have the "big" (5 quart) crock pot as the bones wouldn't fit in the smaller one.  I got the value cut pack it was only $1, odd shapes but consistent thickness and plenty of meat and fat.  

I just need to do the stir fry.  I love the taste of garlic but I am allergic - that manifests, for me, with a vicious day-after headache.  Would it be worth it?  Just a little?  I need to think about it.  I also need to look at my ginger root situation.  

Well the lentils are done.  I used a total of 2 t Italian seasoning, 1 t salt, half a clove of garlic, and 16 ounces of Italian tomato sauce.  And you know what?  It tasted absolutely nothing Italian.  Whatever it is, it's good.  I like it.  I will absolutely eat it.  But what the hell?  

Some of my cooking is like that - I attempt one thing and end up with another that tastes even better.  I know what I did so I can do it again.  Huh.  

It is interesting to be home all day with the cats.  Cleo has spent the day in my bed, on my pillow.  Biscuit is laying around various places.  He had some lap time earlier.  

That's it for now!  

Saturday morning

 Well I got the freezer organized: 

This isn't all the food, just the soup and the spaghetti.  You can see the stir fry veggies.  Those are getting cooked up and containerized tonight.  I am also making green chili stew.  

I had some multi grain flakes (like the oatmeal you cook on the stove), I also had some milk.  When I organized the fridge I pulled out a Granny Smith apple, and some dried fruit, mixed that with the milk and the flakes and made several breakfast bowls.  If I didn't have the allergy they would have been good with some nuts (walnuts or pecans) on top.  When I get paid I plan to buy some protein powder and just have a shake every morning but this will hold me until then.  

Happily I didn't have to toss much from the fridge and freezer (just the sweet potatoes :( ) when I organized it.  I found some cooked mystery meat (unlabeled) in the freezer so I will eat that today and tomorrow.  

And I did a lot of dishes.  I'm going to take a nap I'll take photos of the food as I cook it.  

Left to my own devices

 Last night I brought an extra meal to work.  I like to share my food, for me there is nothing worse than just cooking for myself.  But I don't want to cook for a living either.  

So I brought it.  The one team lead was off, my coworker is fasting, but another coworker happily ate it and raved about it.  I have brought him meals before he is always a very appreciative audience.  

After his lunch he ran into me (we work different areas) when I had to go out of my area to put something back.  We have "PDQ's" in the main aisles with featured merchandise and I was putting it on that, he came by.  He was asking me how I was going to get home as he knows I ride the bus.  I told him, when I work nights I have Ace get me, he asked a little about Ace, seemed disappointed, and left.  

I realized he probably thought Ace and I had something going.  Do I tell him it's business only?  Yes or no?  I didn't have anyone to ask.  

I thought "I don't want to play any games, and I want to be very clear in talking to men".  So I sent my friend a text explaining "Ace and I are 100% business only" he texted me back immediately "Understood".  Was he happy to hear that?  God knows.  

What I have concluded this year: I have to put myself out there.  I have to take some risks if I don't want to die alone.  

I have had several bad migraines since my assault.  Not due to it, just medication, genetics, food allergies most of it I suspect.  And every time I think how nice it would be to have someone to fuss over me a little bit.  

And, on my end of things, I have to Let people know they matter.  I can't emphasize that enough.  If someone matters to you, tell them.  Tomorrow is not promised!  I thought I would have Ron for another 10-20 years and by all rights I should have.  

My grandfather died in his early 40's.  My other grandfather died in his 20's.  My birth mother died in her 50's.  All of these were sudden deaths.  Ron called me, sounded great, dead minutes later.  You don't know.  That guy on the bus could have cut my throat and not my hair.  I'm sure he would have felt "justified".  

Everything I see tells me time is short.  I don't know how much time I have so if I have something to say I need to say it. 

So I'm very glad I told him it was business.  

I've been meaning to do a blog about the feather comforter.

 I started the blog in Spring of 2007.  That fall was my 15th anniversary with Ron.  I always found it fun shopping for presents with Ron.  I could buy it and put it in the cart, and only once did he "peek" and figure out what the gift was (a set of dominoes which I still have).  After that he was "good" and wouldn't reach in the cart.  

I think Ron had the anemia for a long time, he was always cold.  So I decided I would get him a nice comforter.  He always liked having his own room and I respected that; he never had his own place growing up and then he was either renting a room from someone or shacked up sharing a place and bed.  He liked having his own space and I respected that.  He had a twin bed.  

I had saved up and bought myself a very nice twin bed which I gave to Ron after the accident.  I slept on a cheap mattress on a daybed, after he got his social security settlement he bought me a nice queen bed so I always had a queen bed and he had a twin.  

The cats have always enjoyed sleeping with me (last night and the night before I had all 3, all night) so I needed the room even when Ron didn't "visit".  I prefer a lot of blankets generally, maybe a quilt or two, when it's cold.  It works better if the cat gets sick, it's easier to wash one blanket.  I have found it nigh impossible to wash a queen comforter at home.  

So I bought Ron a very nice, thick, feather duvet and cover.  It wasn't cheap and it is considerable in size.  It's nice and thick, very warm.  

I have grappled with this a lot but looking back, it is apparent to me that Ron's drinking escalated dramatically after my diagnosis and treatment for my condition.  I was "better" he was "worse".  Like, almost to the day.  

Before he would have a rare binge now and then, act up, remorse, not drink for months to years, then do it over.  After he was binge drinking pretty much every night, not sorry, running to the liquor store constantly.  

The paratransit company will take a person to a liquor store or strip club just like it will take them to a church or a doctor's office, he knew the address of the store that's all he needed.  They knew him.  He would call ahead and have them reserve whatever, then go and pick it up.  

I always thought it telling he always got excellent trips when he did that.  The devil wanted to make it easy.  So he's escalating.  

It came to a head Here, when Ron, drinking Everclear, had a blackout and assaulted me when I kept him from walking on broken glass in his bare feet.  I left him for a week, tried to figure things out.  

If I could go back in time I would tell me to run like hell, but back then shelters weren't taking cats.  They didn't really have that in their wheelhouse, that the victim would want to take her pets.  Ron threatened to kill Frosty on more than one occasion after this incident, if I left him again.  I couldn't do that.  

So I had given him the comforter for our anniversary right before this incident.  He was touched and really loved it.  

After a lot of thought I went back to Ron, I didn't feel I had a viable option.  I would lose the house, my cats, and my job if I didn't.  Ron would lose his security clearance and his job if I pressed charges.  No one helping me had any experience with this - we never thought to contact the Women's Center.  Ron kept saying he was sorry, it would never happen again, he made a big production out of pouring out all the liquor.  

So I went back.  Ron, playing games, "gave me back" the comforter.  I said I didn't want it.  He said he didn't "deserve" it blah blah.  The game being I had to tell him "it was OK he was a good person" etc and I didn't have the stomach for it so I put it in the closet.  He wasn't expecting that but couldn't admit the truth, he was using it as a ploy.  

I would give it to him on really cold nights and he appreciated it, then he would give it back.  So the poor thing spent most of it's life unwanted, in the closet.  And it's a very nice comforter.  

We had some cold weather after Ron died and I got every blanket in the house, found the comforter, put that on the bed too.  I liked it, the cats liked it.  So I take it out in the winter.  

But I always remember the story behind it.  

Friday dinner

 When I do a big cook sometimes I bring some to work to share.  One male coworker seems to be a big fan of my cooking.  

I feel safe around him which is important to me.  I know he's going to be respectful which is so important.  Are we anything other than friends?  No.  But is nice to have someone appreciate my hard work.  I brought him some of the soup.  He often buys a can of soup for dinner.  

I'll let you know what he thinks.  He takes his lunch in half an hour.  My day is going pretty well.  

That's it for now.  

Friday morning

 

The food is done.  I'm going to offer a soup to the team lead who likes my cooking (a very nice lady).  She is a big fan of anything I make.  

I have 7 spaghettis in the freezer (sounds like a bad metal song), and 8 soups in the fridge.  Plan to have a soup for lunch at work before starting and the spaghetti for dinner, so I'll be down to 7 each.  If the TL wants a soup that's 6 soups.  I will get all that in the freezer, hopefully.  Those will be for work days. 

Then I will take the raw meat (I have some) out of the freezer and cook that this weekend, I have some chicken thighs and pork chops for sure.  I only used 1 beef shank for the soup so I have a cooked beef shank in the freezer.  I also want to make some lentils.  

I want to have vegetables, seasoning blend, and cooked meals in the freezer, no raw meat.  It is too hard when I am depressed, or tired, to look at frozen raw meat and think about all the work it will take to turn that into dinner.  

I have some fresh veggies I didn't get in the soup, I would like to dice those and either put them in the lentils or a rice pilaf.  So that will keep me busy this weekend in addition to the cleaning.  I already did my hair so no worries on that.  

I have figured out my headaches are food allergy related.  I diced a little garlic on a plate, for my meals last night.  The link sausage finished cooking and I was feeling lazy so I diced it on the plate I had just used for the garlic, without rinsing.  Then I ate a little of the sausage, it had a wonderful garlicky flavor but I have a headache today in my neck.  That, I have learned, is food allergy.  I just have to be very careful with garlic.  

I need to get going for work, I have decided I need to leave the house earlier if I am riding the bus later in the day.  

That's it for now!  Pray for the recipients!