Pilot

Today I'm very happy that my hands are shaking. Why? Well, for most of my life I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Knowing me was not fun. Being me was even worse. Last year I finally (Praise God!) got diagnosed and medicated. I also learned to knit.

Once I just said Yes to drugs (Lithium, Lexapro, Risperdal) my life improved dramatically. I had wanted to learn to knit for years. However, my illness made it so tough for me to focus on anything that I gave up trying. I was very worried about the shaking hands side effect from the Lithium so I asked God if he could make it possible for me to do my needlework (I crochet too). Even when my hands are shaking enough that it's tough to type, I can still do my knitting.

I love how knitting makes me a better, more wonderful person. I'm a lot more patient when I've got my knitting in hand, and when I'm done making stuff for myself and my very dear Husband, I've got plenty of friends and relatives. Currently ...

A momentary break to talk to DH - he'd like me to help a fellow paratransit passenger with some shopping. Ron (DH) is blind from birth and had a bad head injury 4 years ago. He is a blind vendor with the federal/state program and we have 12 vending machines. I take care of the deliveries and snack machines, he manages the soda, cold food, and coffee machines. He was hit and dragged by a truck while walking to work over 4 years ago. The driver was one of our customers. The guy was in a hurry, night shift zombie, cell phone.. and very repentant. Ron suffered a hemmorhagic stroke as a result of his injuries and has "Hemiparesis" (severe weakness and numbness) on his entire right side. Ron's recovered amazingly well and not only takes care of himself, but supports me too. I know God used us both tremendously during the entire drama but I'm glad that's all over and done with. If neither of us ends up in the hospital again I'd die a happy woman.

In addition to bipolar disorder (type one, psychotic features - not a happy place!) I also have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. My mother also had bipolar illness and self-medicated with alcohol, during her pregnancy with me. I have some brain damage but nothing I can't live with. I can't drive, and I prefer a quiet environment. That's about it. Ron and I balance each other amazingly well, we're definitely symbiotes.

Knitting is great for me on public transit. I'm at the point where I can knit while riding in a vehicle, and I get a lot accomplished while I'm waiting on our rides. When my hands shake, I keep on knitting, thanking God I got diagnosed and treated before I did kill myself.