Sunday afternoon

 The last couple days all I have done is eat salt and carbs.  Not a good combo.  I need to eat something healthy for dinner. 

I made some trips for tomorrow about 50/50 odds Ron will cancel, I think.  But I made them.  I don't want to be out later this week as I've said repeatedly.  

I think I will have some canned herring for dinner.  They are very flavorful.  I am doing a protein shake now, though.  

I have been taking Naproxyn, even though I don't have any cramps, and that really turned down the volume on my blood loss, good to know.  I would like to handle things on my own without involving medical professionals, procedures, etc. Even assuming I had a really good insurance plan I would rather not get a uterine biopsy, which I hear are horrific.  Just an example.  

The cats are good.  I did a couple loads of laundry today and got all the bedding washed.  Since I use a top sheet I don't worry about washing the blanket very often but I did get it today, and plain detergent, a little baking soda, only.  I would have liked to maybe use a fabric softener but the only one I had is scented and I did not want that.  

I actually vomited last week washing my hands because I smelled the hand soap.  I can be that susceptible during a migraine.  But I think I will be fine for a good long while now unless I do something really stupid with my diet.  

I am curious to see what Ron thinks about our trips tomorrow.  I can cancel it up until tomorrow morning if he doesn't like them.  If he goes it will save us a LOT of money on transportation, though.  

Totally off topic I did get myself some more socks.  I thought I had a lot but Torbie was in the drawer and unearthed a stash of handkerchiefs - about a dozen, which took up a lot of space I thought was occupied by socks.  I have a decent amount of underwear but wasn't happy with my amount of socks, found some on the Walmart delivery, and got them - and they are what I wanted.  I like the quarter crew or ankle socks.  I don't like a full crew hugging my leg.  

In fact, I go barefoot at home if at all possible.  I feel sorry for the babies I see at the store in shoes and socks.  They can't even walk and their feet are being squished and squeezed, doesn't seem fair.  No wonder the baby is always throwing the shoes.  Comfort is #1 in my footwear and I am not ashamed to say it.  I don't own any high heels.  

So I washed those, too and they are in the sock drawer.  My other under things are OK I don't need anything new any time soon.  

And I always have plenty of tshirts. I have my shorts and capris front and center in my closet right now.  At some point I need to move them off to the side and trade spaces with my jeans, move the jeans front and center and the shorts off to the side (except for 1-2 pair for warm days).  Not sure "what" day I will do that, maybe a month from now?  It is still pretty warm in the middle of the day, most days.  

That is one thing I don't get about people in Houston, maybe because I don't have a vehicle.  The people who wear jeans in the middle of the summer!  You can only do that if you go straight from air conditioned car to air conditioned building and back again.  But I have to wait outside on rides (even my best Uber has been a couple minutes away at best, which is fine), and it gets pretty hot waiting out where ever I am.  I almost passed out at a Walmart this summer because they took all the seating and it was very hot and sunny.  

I don't do that, wear jeans in summer, only about 3-4 months of the year and I have an ABUNDANCE of jeans for that.  So I am completely happy with my clothing situation.  

I would like to get more "matchy" sheets for the bedroom, but for once I finally have Ron's bedding at a good level.  I would like to get a set of black, a set of purple, 4 pack of pillowcases for my bed, (just wishing here) and a set of black sheets and one of dark purple.. ideally.  Am I going to run out and put it on my credit card?  Heck no.  But I will keep my eye out.  

I am really happy with where I've taken the house this year.  I think I have the right amount of stuff, not too much.  Just enough.  Especially these days I think everyone wants to have lots of everything.  I can't do that in the space I've got, I have to be selective.  I think I have done a pretty good job of that.  

That's it for now.  

Sunday - does cover some ick subjects if you are delicate

 Halloween was very slow, Ron was disappointed.  He told me to close up at 9.  I did not listen.  Between 9 and 11 I got about 15 older kids so I'm glad I didn't listen.  

I went to bed late, got up early, gave Ron his medicine and back to bed for a little bit.  I tend to have odd dreams in that time gap between pill time and when I actually get up.  

I got up, crime scene in my bed, have to do laundry.  I am taking naproxen as suggested by one doctor as it slows blood loss.  I also need to take some iron.  I have heavy losses by the charts but not what I would consider excessive.  

Back in 2003 I donated double red blood cells at the blood center.  It is an easy enough donation, they take your blood out, grab 2 unit's worth of red blood cells, and return the rest with some saline added.  I was fine the first day but the second day I was incredibly weak and kept blacking out.  They took too much.  I was pretty miserable for a while but bounced back, resolving to never donate double reds again.  I have never felt that with blood losses due to my cycle so I don't worry.  

I take herbs and vitamin e which are all good for that, iron supplements with vitamin C, etc. so done what I can.  I don't eat a lot of red meat either.  

But I need to remember to wear a pad to bed, plus my tampon, the first night of my cycle.  It is always just that heavy.  If it goes according to schedule today will be heavy and the next few days minimal.  That is fine by me, I'm not working today so even better.  

So the laundry is soaking; all that to say I had to wash my sheets.  I got my delivery, mainly some snacks.  And I forgot to order the trash bags which was the whole purpose of the order.  Feeling a little foolish.  

I did get one thing and I decided I will talk about it.  First, during my migraine I had violent vomiting for several hours, retching up my toenails, down to the bile, vomiting.  And the taste of the bile on my tongue was so bad it would set off more vomiting.  On a couple of occasions during this experience, I actually wet myself I was vomiting so hard.  It was a truly awful experience doing cleanup with a migraine and taking frequent breaks to vomit some more in my bucket.  DON'T want to do that again.  

So I said to hell with it, and ordered a small pack of women's adult diapers.  I can wear that next time and just throw it away as needed.  I am not a SIZE small of course but 17 ought to last me years.  I will only use them for vomiting migraines, which I happily don't get that often.  

When I had food poisoning back in 2004 Ron kept saying I should go to the hospital, I was very ill and dehydrated, but I had minimal bowel control at the time and I was afraid I would mess up someone's car, or the the ambulance, so I stayed home.  This would also work in that situation, not that I plan to get that sick again.  

And yes I will do some kegels.  

So I am glad I have them around even though this is of course a taboo subject.  But I would rather wear them, at home, during a migraine and not need them than wash my body and the floor because I had a bladder accident while vomiting.  

Again, I am so happy Ron could take care of himself for a while because I was not able to help.  Ron is good at occupying himself which I think is valuable.  He just loves a small radio he is good to go with some headphones.  One thing I put on the wish list for Ron: a shortwave radio.  I think he will find that a lot of fun. 

I don't have a lot of plans, I was going to type, and then I remembered I have to do the monthly report, so I had better get to it so I don't have to worry about it again.  

Saturday

 So here's something to think about: modest apparel in women.  No, I am not going to weigh in against "sluts" as I feel they all generally have insecurity issues that encourage them to expose a lot of flesh.   I will leave that up to each individual woman.  

This may surprise you but I wish my stepmother had not let me wear some of the clothes I had.  She would pass down my stepsister's old unwanted clothes to me and some of them were just WRONG.  I remember one miniskirt in particular, Ron really liked that one.  But for whatever reason my stepmother did not go shopping with me for clothes.  I don't think I was very picky and I've always loved a bargain?  Oh, well.  Ron was shocked I had so few clothes when I moved out.  

Living on my own I played around a little but I had to work and earn a living and back then you had to wear modest clothes to work.  Again, I wish someone had told me I really wasn't a size 10/12 in the early 90's because I know now they were way too tight and NOT a good look.  

I think it goes to how a woman sees her body.  If she sees it as an asset to be showcased she is going to look much different than a woman who sees her body as a gift from God.  

Anyway, the subject came up a couple different places.  As far as I'm concerned 2 people get to see my breasts, 3 actually, me, Ron, and my doctor.  That's it.  That has led me to buy a lot of men's tshirts for work but I don't regret that.  Oddly enough they have a lot of men's clothes in the "pretty" colors these days.  

I slept OK last night, started my cycle, it is unpredictable to say the least these days.  But I didn't make a mess so I'm happy about that.  

I took care of Ron, cleaned the house (some of it), sorted laundry to do later.  I didn't need a nap, which was nice.  

We will be doing the Halloween handout as usual, I am curious to see how many kids show up.  I think I'll get a lot, it is a Saturday.  I am ready either way.  

That means I won't get much sleep tonight, go to bed late and get up early for Pill Time, but I won't complain.  I am just glad we have something that works on the seizures.  And the high blood pressure which took me COMPLETELY aback.  That was the last thing I expected.  Him, never.  Me, maybe.  But to see those numbers on the vital signs for so long really drove it in to me, and, thinking back, I am sure his mother had high blood pressure in addition to her other problems.  

Tomorrow I will also prepare and file the monthly report.  It shouldn't be too hard, I have been doing these for a while now.  I need to figure out dinner for me, Ron already had a grilled cheese (I did but that was hours ago, I have a better metabolism than he does). 

That's it for now, I'll let you know how many kids show up.  

Some of Thursday and Friday

 Well, I'm getting better, ate and took my pills.  Ron was really a star in all this he did a great job taking care of himself.  That's a big load off me, I could just focus on getting better.  

I am still pretty weak but I should be OK for work tomorrow.     

Tomorrow: Pretty groggy and tired, woke up with a headache.  I managed to beat it off, went to work, stocked what I could.  Sales were good enough I got paid, I went to the bank and then to Walmart.  

I got everything on the list and even a few things I was running low on and thought I couldn't afford to replace right now.  I did forget the kitchen trash bags but I should be OK another week or so.  

I called Arturo to come home first (more expensive) but he was busy so I took a Uber.  The driver was very helpful with the bags.  I had some energy when I got home, so I: immediately washed my hands, put everything away, took off my clothes, and took a shower.  I will wash the clothes tomorrow most likely.  But that's a good protocol for a pandemic and at risk elderly in the house.  

Ron was happy I brought him some chicken strips, which he had requested several times.  I even found his panino.  He really enjoys a bite of one at pill time, and they are loaded with protein.  

He has been fine listening to his radio all day.  I have gotten in the habit of leaving him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I leave the house, so he has an additional snack if he gets hungry.  He ate most of his, today, before I got back to him with the chicken.  

I made my deposit so I can pay my credit card.  I really think things could get ugly next week so I plan to stay home.  Now I can.  

I am not super hungry today, Ron kept nagging me to get myself a little treat at Walmart so I got a 3 ounce package of smoked salmon and ate that after I put everything away.  But that has pretty much been it except for a one ounce bag of chips.  

I plan to have a peanut (Wowbutter which is a soy product and nut-free) butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.  I also got some rye as I thought some tuna on rye sounded tasty.  I am very careful not eating peanut butter as it is a huge migraine trigger, but I will probably make my sandwich first and then his.  I keep his in the fridge until he has eaten up the first one.  It is working for us.  I like we can leave it out (in a ziploc) for hours and it is fine.  You can't really do that with a meat based sandwich.  

That's it for now.  

I am never eating curry again

 Yesterday I got up, took care of me (God Time, shower) took care of Ron, etc.   I decided to make some curried lentils and got out my "new" curry I had bought some time ago and never used.  I made them, they weren't bad.  I took a nap and woke up with a raging migraine that just kept getting worse and worse.  

[Not for squeamish] I did vomit up most of the curry.  About midnight found me vomiting bile into a bucket.  It was pretty awful and the taste would just trigger me to vomit again.  I think I used all my ab muscles.  I made a mess in the bathroom and SO glad I had all those extra towels "for Ron" 😂  And the unscented cleaner spray he likes.  It sure did the job and I didn't have any chemical smells to aggravate the migraine.  I kept tasting curry as I "went" and it was horrible, but pretty good aversion therapy.  

I believe the curry had sulfites, but a friend, and one of my nephews, claim it is tomatoes.  I didn't have tomatoes in my curry but I am not a huge tomato fan, easy enough to say goodbye to them.  I will eliminate any possible migraine trigger if it means I don't have to go through that again.  Over 12 hours of excruciating pain, nausea, and vomiting.  If you have ever vomited with a migraine (or hangover I guess, I have never had one) you know what I'm talking about.  

Ron didn't ask me for anything while I was sick, which was nice.  He did need various things once I was better so I was glad I wasn't out for long.  Happily that is how I get sick, short and intense, quick recovery.  

I did have some phenergan suppositories and I used one, that helped with the vomiting and helped me sleep.  Ron got his pills on time both times.  I still have a decent amount of Phenergan on hand.  

But I am feeling a little better.  

I almost had a major panic attack today

 I got up, took care of Ron, went back to sleep.  I got up a few hours later.  I had taken my shower last night so I didn't need one this morning.  

I took care of Ron again, checked on the cats (fed them last night), got dressed.  I had planned to ride the bus to a stop near one of my Walmarts, disembark, walk alongside a busy road (I assumed there would be footing), and save some money on my Walmart trip.  

It went very well, even finding out there is a homeless camp in the bushes near the bus stop (not by my house, where I got off).  There's a drug store on the corner.  As I approached the busy road I froze up.  There is no way I could walk on the narrow footpath with all those cars whizzing past.  

I do not often feel I have PTSD but I locked up and was well on my way to a full blown panic attack at just the thought of walking next to this road.  I thought about it for a minute and decided to show myself some compassion.  

And I'm sorry Joe, but I did it.  I made the short trip all the drivers hate.  But the guy who came was super nice and friendly.  He didn't act like he minded a bit at having to drive miles out of his way for a short trip that probably only got him $2.  Well, I gave him a good tip but he didn't know that when he accepted the trip.  I made the trip from the drug store to the Walmart.  It was not long but it was safe and I didn't traumatize myself.  

There are things I can't do.  I have limits, hard as it is to accept.  This is one; I have difficulty walking by busy roads.  I kept seeing Ron in the ICU with his head stapled back together.  

So I went in, I didn't have much money but I was able to get our favorite bread ($2), peanut butter, jelly, a goober for Ron (peanut butter mixed with jelly already, all you do is spread on the bread), some home care things (main reason aside from the bread), and some pillow forms for the pillow covers my adoptive Mom sent me.  That's the nice thing about the wish list, I always get what I want.  And I had plenty of items on the list so I would be surprised.  

Then I came home, put it all away, took care of Ron some more, and took a nap.  I had a good nap and woke up to find Torbie sleeping in my sock drawer.  I don't have drawer pulls on a lot of my dresser drawers so I usually leave them open.  She likes to sleep in them and I'm OK with that.  The average cat grooms 4 hours a day.  My longest shower takes maybe 20 minutes.  

Then I cleaned up the pullout couch and fixed it up with the new pillows.  It is very cute.  I plan to mix some more pillows on both couches, I like a lot of pillows on my seating.  And in my bed.  

I took a style quiz and I came up Sporty/Romantic which means I can wear a tank top with a peasant skirt and sandals, or a billowy romantic blouse and jeans.  You get the idea.  I could probably live in the sporting apparel section of a clothing store.  Anyway, one point made was that a "Romantic" woman always has a ton of pillows, and I am GUILTY!  I would like to get a lot of pillowcases in the same color so it's all coherent.  No one cares if Ron has a gray pillowcase with a brown fitted sheet and a teal blanket, after all he is blind.  But I sleep with 4 pillows on a good day and I would like them to be the same color.  The bedroom is cream with dark purple floor length curtains so black, cream, etc.  I am leaning towards black.  They have some multi packs pretty cheap on Amazon so I wish listed one - if I don't get it for Christmas I can always buy it myself later.  This is not an urgent matter by any means.  Just something to think about.  

I had some good cuddles with the cats, although Biscuit was watch cat this morning.  I was in the front room and I heard Biscuit growling, and then he ran down the hall and hid under my bed.  For once, I was dressed.  I opened the door and there's the yard guy!  No wonder Biscuit ran!  After they left I stuck my head under the bed and told Biscuit he could come out, and he did.  Then I gave him some treats.  His special, $9 a bag, treats.  

I love spoiling him he makes it a lot of fun.  Cleo got some cuddles today, too.  Her love language seems to be shoving her butt in my face as I sit on the couch, I find it adorable, and she is always very clean (unlike Biscuit!).  He is lucky he lives with me anyone else would be scrubbing him every time he turned around.  

About the only bad news for Ron they did not have his Panino at the store so he only has a little left, but I can give him something else when he takes his pills, a little slider maybe.  I DID get the delicious pepper turkey we both like so much.  I may roll that up and shove it at Ron during pill time.  He loves that.  

I have planned for some upheaval after the election.  My plan is to stay at home for a few days/week until it settles out.  To that end I have also looked at, could we lose power?  It is possible if rioting gets bad.  So I don't have a tremendous amount of perishables, a good amount of canned food, etc.  But I am not near any busy roads, as I call it, so we should be fine.  I am just careful.  

My only big plan for the night is to hunt around and see if I can find Ron's lidocaine cream.  He had the bottle last night and lost it somewhere, but he's in bed only so it can't have gone far.  I just need to locate it and verify Ron has a good place for it now.  

The utility district is tearing up the sidewalk by the mail boxes not sure how long that is going to take or even if I still have water.  I do feel they are pretty good at maintaining things.  

I am planning to have hot dogs for dinner.  

Monday

 I forget how I slept last night, got up at 4:45, gave Ron his pills (I do blood pressure and seizure in the morning, multivitamin and seizure in the evening), went back to bed for a little bit.  I believe I had a horrible nightmare.  I got up and took care of everything.  I made Ron a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat if he got hungry and didn't want the other 3 things he has on his bookcase😂.  I can't do peanut butter but I have soy butter for me which is about as good, and no headache.  Ron gets crunchy peanut butter.  

I had it in the cupboard, unopened, when the mouse got in and I used that jar to bait the traps.  I was careful to put it on a disposable spork, and throw the spork away, but it baited a mouse trap.  So I put it under the sink and bought another jar for Ron.  He is eating the fresh, mouse-free peanut butter.  He enjoys the sandwiches and they are easy enough to make.  I just have to remember not to lick the little bits of peanut butter off my hands if I get some when I'm working.  

I went to work, sales were dead.  Let's draw that out... deaaad.  So pitiful I didn't even take the money out.  I did stock canned and bottled soda, which I had mainly come in to do.  People asked about Ron, which I found sweet.  

I left after I did everything and came straight home, Ron was snoring away.  My return-home routine is interesting.  I had a bottle of soda in my hand.  So I went to the sink and washed it, and my hands.  I wrapped my cell phone in a disinfecting wipe.  I took off my clothes.  I checked on Ron, he was fine snoring away.  Ideally I would have taken a shower.  

I took a nap for a little bit then got up and talked to Ron, helped him find a urinal he knocked off the bookcase (happily an empty one).  I made some iced tea for myself, I used some spice teabags and some plain tea.  It is nicely spicy.  

I took a walk for about half an hour, my foot is doing much better.  I wore some of my new sneakers for the walk.  I did some stretching after, I find it helpful to stretch out my shoulder periodically.  I am on the computer a lot and I have a stocking job, so I am always using my shoulders.  It is easy enough to pamper them with some stretching.  

Ron's occupational therapist gave me a book of exercises for upper body.  It has a whole section on shoulders so I try to hit that a few times a week.  And I have my stretching book; between them I think I am doing alright.  

And I got some of my goals for the day so I am happy.  I need to give Ron his medication in about an hour and then I will check the mail.  I am not expecting anything fun today but you never know.  

Nope, my mate tea is still off in BFE somewhere.  However I do have a nice assortment of fun teas to hold me for a while.  I can't say enough about my little electric kettle it is so nice.  I just fill it up, plug it in, boiling water in a few minutes.  I will buy a backup when business improves because I would hate to be without it.  

I descale it now and then as I have hard water.  I am not interested in a water treatment system, in my eyes another fragile thing to break and mess up my life.  So, when the heater coil looks a little crusty, I put some water and vinegar in to the fill line and get it to boiling, then turn it off and let it sit an hour, pour it off.  I fill it again with plain water, boil, let it sit until cool, pour it off.  Now it is ready to go.  

After my walk I did my God Time, took care of Ron, etc.  I was having a battle with the cats they wouldn't eat the last of the food in their bowls.  But they did today!  I don't have money to waste.  

I had nice cuddles from Spotty, Biscuit, and Cleo.  Baby Girl sat up for me a few times and got treats.  Torbie was hanging out with Ron - she was watching me and Cleo but I couldn't judge her expression.  She didn't look upset, though.  When she does go she knows Cleo will take care of me.  

I heard Ron gagging when I was in the shower and I jumped out and ran to him, he was fine.  He said I am (hypervigilant) and I need to "calm down".  I explained that is a feature of PTSD.  However my doctor doesn't seem worried, AND I tell him everything.  With my life how could I NOT have PTSD?  But I am doing healthy things like cutting back on caffeine and diet soda, exercising in various ways, getting enough rest.  

The menopause supplements are really helping.  Wild Yam.  Dong Quai.  I get them from Swanson and I kid you not they are less than $10 for both, a month.  And Swanson has flat rate shipping and great prices so really easy to throw in some nice tea, a bar of hand crafted soap, etc.  It works and no side effects.  I will keep taking them.  

I did mention I was skipping cycles to Doc when we talked.  He didn't seem surprised but I am middle aged.  HOWEVER with what I read in the menopause group you can see some pretty extreme emotional disturbance.  I am glad I haven't had any of that.  

Overall I think I am doing pretty good.