Mixed

It took me a little while to figure out I'm mixed today - up and down at the same time. The treatment is the same - more lithium, regardless.

I'm going to take a nap, even though it's early, and let the lithium do it's thing. I ate a good, nurturing meal - sausage patties with grated cheese, green beans with butter, and my favorite diet soda. It's a beautiful day, later on I'll go outside and have fun in the garden.

I've gotten a lot accomplished today in spite of my illness. What made me realize I was mixed? I read a post where a woman talked about "I used to be depressed but I fixed it by eating low-carb".

It made me feel inadequate. Here I am, and I have to take a handful of mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotics every day. I guess she's "better" than me.

No, my illness is more severe. Eating carbs can make average people depressed, maybe she was simply average. You know my opinions on trying to manage severe mental illness with dietary regulation - it simply doesn't work.

I tried all the holistic, cute and cuddly remedies for my illness for years, and did some damage to myself in the process. I suffered far more than I needed to.

I don't like being dependent on the pills, but I accept it. I may always be sensitive about people who say stupid shit like "Fast and pray" or "You don't want God to take it from you" and "I can control it with diet". I am. I tend to feel inadequate, having brain damage and mental illness on top of it. I make it look easy, Ron said.

Sometimes I think that's part of the problem, I don't often show my scars, so people assume it just isn't that bad. Nothing's farther from the truth.

Maybe I need to be more vulnerable - I tend to really isolate myself.