I almost did it again... I've been so busy taking care of Ron, taking care of the business and household, that I'm neglecting taking care of myself.
I guess part of it's the fact that I get tired, lots of fatigue due to my medication. Yesterday I screwed up and took the morning pills at night - and woke up to hallucinations. I heard things that weren't there, and then today I was "off" - paranoid, but not enough that anyone noticed. I had "Bad Thought Patterns" manifesting. I took the proper stuff tonight, and I already feel better.
Last week Ron and I donated blood - I found out we were donating when I checked my email. I got an email "Thank you for making an appointment". I asked Ron about it, Oh, yeah, Heather they called so I set us up. OK.
Since Ron has needed multiple units of blood, my uncle got over a gallon, and my Dad needed platelets last year I will NEVER say no to donating as long as I'm healthy and my P-doc says it's fine (he's thrilled I'm a blood donor, and we secretly hope that perhaps my lithium-enhanced blood might go to someone with bipolar disorder who's short on blood due to a suicide attempt). The blood bank says my meds are fine - I can donate. So, we donated.
It was a long day but I'm glad I did it. I know how I felt when my loved ones needed blood - and having encountered a lot of blood donors at the center I have no qualms about getting a transfusion.
Lots of long, busy days, taking care of business. Then I got a migraine on my day off. That day was a loss, and so was the next day - work and rest/recovery from migraine. Monday? Well, Ron needed some new clothes, we got clothes, and I did housework and some garden chores.
We had a nasty cold front, and I had to cover and uncover the plants. Lots of watering, weeding, picking up in the yard. I forgot to wear a hat or sunscreen when working in the yard, so in addition to tanning my nose, I got a sunpimple - I can get pimples from sun exposure due to my antidepressant. Ack.
Chores, chores chores. Doesn't everyone? Caregiving, helping Ron, taking care of the business, managing the household... getting enough rest so I can function (I need a couple hour nap, plus at least 8 hours of sleep every night).
This evening I was out in the yard thinking about all the things I "should" do tomorrow. I then thought how I don't really want to do any of them. I don't want to mow the yard, paint the trim on the garage, put down my weed-blocking edging after mowing, or any of that. I don't want to mop the floor, get groceries, or clean out the fridge.
I don't want to! Well, I thought, I don't have to do any of it tomorrow. What would I like to do? Remember the nice nurse aide who insisted I take at least one day for myself every week, or I'd be "no good"? Ron's been awesomely appreciative, and does everything he can for himself to help prevent caregiver burnout. I love taking care of him, but it's a big load off my back if I know he can stagger up to the kitchen and microwave a TV dinner if he's hungry, or eat some fruit salad out of the fridge.
I can certainly go out and have fun on my own. Ron begged me not to make any trips on Metrolift if possible. I was happy to oblige. Personally, I prefer riding the bus, it's more predictable. I don't have to adjust my schedule to them, when I'm ready I just go out and wait for the next one. I'm never crowded in the back with someone I'd rather not, and everyone is polite on the bus. Some Metrolift clients are not polite.
So what do I want to do? I don't know. I "should" go to Foodtown and get groceries, but I have food. I "should" go to Walmart because I need some paper plates and cat food. If at all possible, I eat off of disposable paper plates so I can throw away my dishes. Ron and I started that when I was depressed. The paper snack plates work great with his Hot Pockets, when I heat them in the microwave.
I "could" go to any one of 4 garden centers, on the bus. How wonderful to know that they're all so close! I plan on expanding garden bed 1. I'll need some kind of organic matter to work into the soil. What could I get? Hmmmm. Sounds fun. I also want to look at some kind of brick edging for my area. I plan to put down weed-blocking fabric between the garden beds, and top it with that shredded tire mulch. It doesn't degrade and I'd be a recycler by using it. I like that. I'll need something to contain it in my area, though, so I envision some kind of brick edging, like this:
I also want to modify the compost area and turn it into a garden bed, but it'll have to be raised because it's near 3 trees - trees are hungry creatures and will invade the garden bed, and odds are I could kill at least one of them digging up a garden bed in the area. Even though it's MY yard, I have to respect the roots. If I have a raised bed, MY babies can play in their own soil. When they're big and tough, they can dig down and compete with the tree roots for nutrients.
I have no compunction about making a "lasagne" style raised bed - where I layer organic material on top of the soil, inside some kind of border, to make my raised bed. Obviously I need to research making a raised garden bed, too.
Maybe tomorrow I'll go to some garden centers and research edging and raised bed options. Maybe I'll go to that new thrift store. Maybe I'll stay home.
I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to focus on what's fun for ME, and not "what needs doing".
No comments:
Post a Comment